How I Transformed a Tragedy Into a Pathway of Healing For Others

“We understand death only after it has placed its hands on someone we love” — Anne L. de Stael

I miss him most days, my larger-than-life neighbour had such a charismatic personality, I’d never heard of anyone who didn’t like him — fate seems so cruel sometimes.

I read something very profound from Sadghuru this week, who said that; ‘Whenever something hurts you, there are two options, you can either become wounded, or you can become wise.’

Last December he was so frail, Medics believed the second Covid Vaccination had a part to play in his failing health. Friends were afraid he wouldn’t see Christmas — I hated doing this, but as I had his date of birth, I did check his horoscope to see whether he would pass before the festivities; the signs were good that he’d still be around, but January 2023 looked ominous.

At least I could reassure a few friends, but obviously said nothing to his wife. He died on 23 January 2023.

She came round for a coffee last week; we chatted about lots of things; and she only broke down in tears once.

Whilst I was talking to her, I told her my story about my son who died shortly after birth, he didn’t make it through the first night. An acrimonious marriage breakup shortly after really took its toll on me.

It took me years to stop crying myself to sleep every night, but eventually I came to terms with the loss.

I told her it took me years to realise that this was all part of my fate. The most rewarding job I’d ever held was as a Pensions Manager for a large engineering company in the town. On average we had two employees a year die in service.

Because the fund was written in Trust, we didn’t have to wait for the authorities to grant Probate to pay out the benefits. This wouldn’t have been possible if the fund was under the grip of an Insurance Company.

I’d write a cheque for £5,000.00 within the first week of the death, and the Chairman’s chauffeur would take it to the family. The family could at least pay the funeral expenses; and had fewer financial pressures at a time when they were vulnerable.

Nobody had ever done this before — but perhaps they never had a Pensions Manager who had known the loss of a close family member at such a young age.

Word soon spread around the shop floor and the relationship between the factory and office workers seemed to improve. I think they realised we were really all on the same team — it wasn’t US and THEM.

I could easily talk to anyone at that Company, from the Chairman to the guy who swept the factory floor. After all, we are all equal in the eyes of God.

There was one particular time when the Unions were pushing for a large pay rise - the Company didn’t have the resources to cover it, when one of the Union Convenors came to visit me. He asked me if there were any concessions the Pension Scheme could offer to break the deadlock.

One of the benefits at a low cost, would be to increase the death in service benefits from two times annual salary to three times annual salary. The statistics for mortality in the UK supported this, assuming of course, there wasn’t a major fire or plane crashing into the factory and office buildings.

The other feasible thing to do was to offer a Pension Contributions holiday. The fund was in surplus, with more assets than liabilities and could easily take the risk. At that time, the Inland Revenue in the UK were looking to tax Pension Funds if they had a surplus of more than 5% —so it was a win/win situation for the Company and the members.

Thankfully I was able to step in and help, the Company were a major employer in our small town — I just wasn’t courageous enough to go against any of them…

Thank you for reading to … The end

Acknowledgements to: Sadghuru YouTube