How guys manipulate and control their girlfriends

Ladies, distinguishing between a controlling boyfriend and one who’s just head-over-heels in love can be a real head-scratcher. Or are they the same thing?

In the haze of love, we may sometimes see controlling behavior as a sign of love. But if you see the following red flags in your relationship with your guy, you’d better watch out, as you may be dealing with a control freak.

1. He Blackmails You Emotionally and Guilt Trips You

The classic “If you love me, you won’t…” line. Sounds familiar? This is emotional blackmail. He’s playing on your emotions to manipulate your decisions and actions.

This can create a cycle of guilt and obligation, making you feel like you owe him your compliance. It’s a way of making his desires your priorities, often at the expense of your own needs and happiness.

2. He Gaslights You

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation where he makes you question your own reality or sanity. Imagine thinking, “Did he really say that, or am I just imagining things?”

3. He Isolates You from Friends and Family

By cutting you off from your support system, he gains more control. This isolation isn’t always obvious. It might start as small comments about the time you spend with others, gradually escalating to outright demands. The goal is to make you dependent on him, both emotionally and socially.

4. He Pulls the Victim Card and Shifts the Blame

Whenever there’s a problem, somehow it’s never his fault. If he’s playing the victim, he’s avoiding accountability and making you feel responsible for his actions or the problems in your relationship.

5. He Withholds Affection or Resources as a Form of Control

This could be as blatant as withholding money or as subtle as withdrawing emotional support. It’s a way to punish you for not adhering to his expectations and to train you to behave as he wants.

Doing so creates a cycle of deprivation and relief, where you find yourself working harder for his approval or support.

6. He Makes All the Decisions

Sure, it might seem sweet at first when he picks the restaurant or plans the weekend getaway. But when it turns into him making choices about your career, your clothes, and even your friendships, it’s a red flag.

This control tactic can leave you feeling like a passenger in your own life, not the driver. Psychologically, this erodes your sense of autonomy, a crucial element for personal well-being.

7. He Monitors Your Activities

At first, his “checking in” might feel like he’s just caring, but there’s a fine line between caring and controlling. When he starts keeping tabs on your every move, it’s not just invasive; it’s a form of control.

Constant surveillance like this can lead to a loss of privacy and autonomy, making you feel like you’re living under a microscope.

8. He Criticizes You Constantly

There’s constructive criticism, and then there’s this. When nothing you do ever seems good enough for him, that’s a problem.

Nitpicking can chip away at your self-esteem, making you doubt your own worth. It’s a classic tactic in psychological manipulation, used to lower your defenses and make you more susceptible to control.

9. He Threatens You

Whether he’s threatening to break up with you, harm himself, or even harm you, it’s a massive red flag. It’s all about instilling fear to manipulate and control you.

10. He Uses Jealousy as a Tool

Oh, the drama! He flirts with others in front of you or accuses you of being too friendly with your co-worker. What a classic manipulation.

By triggering your jealousy, he’s trying to manipulate your emotions, seeking to make you react in ways that validate his control and feed his ego.

11. He Overloads You with Responsibilities

Suddenly, you’re the one handling all the chores, bills, and maybe even his emotions. This overload is not just exhausting, it’s a way to keep you so busy and overwhelmed that you don’t have the time or energy to challenge the dynamics of your relationship.

Doing this shifts the power balance, making you more dependent on him and less likely to feel capable of managing without him.

12. He Uses Love Bombing

It’s like a fairytale in fast-forward. In the beginning, he showers you with love, gifts, and grand gestures. But this isn’t just romance, it’s a tactic to quickly create a strong emotional bond.

Psychologically, this can create a dependency that makes it harder for you to leave when his true colors start showing. It’s a whirlwind meant to sweep you off your feet, and not in a good way.

Sometimes, we find ourselves in a cycle of similar relationships. Reflecting on your relationship patterns can help you understand why you might be drawn to manipulative partners.

It isn’t about blaming yourself, but about gaining insight and breaking the cycle. Understanding these patterns can help you make healthier relationship choices in the future.