How Do You Overcome Grief?

In April of last year I lost my dog of 15 years. In February, I lost my friend of 7 years, and last night I found out a lifelong friend had died of cancer. How much grief is too much and how do you get on with your life?

Grief rips your heart out and leaves you feeling empty inside, makes you feel as though you can't go on, and sometimes you just can't. It immobilizes you so you can't function normally, and then you burst into tears at the slightest hint of remembering who you are grieving for. Sometimes it's a song, or sometimes you happen to pick up a cup they really liked, or some other small reminder that they are no longer with you.

In April of last year, I lost my dog of 15 years after several weeks of horrible anguish for her. I held her when she died, singing to her and rocking her on my lap. I actually wet myself when she died and was in such shock I didn't notice until I got back home. All I could do was sleep and cry. Stories of the rainbow bridge did not comfort me one bit.

I still had my best friend, Debbie, and she was a big help in getting me to move on from all of it. She kept me busy and thinking about other things until the brunt of the sadness had left, but I still carry my dog in my heart and always will. The best thing I did to overcome my grief was to stay busy and put all of her little belongings in a bag so I could revisit them when I was low.

Then, in February of this year I lost Debbie. She was visiting me, thinking of moving to where I had moved, and she died suddenly in the middle of the night. They didn't do an autopsy so I have no idea how she died, but my guess was an asthma attack based on how I found her in my home. She and I had been out the day she died, laughing, going to McDonalds, going to the store and watching our favorite soap opera together. I have to wonder what her last thoughts were, if she had a cigarette before she died since she was a chain smoker, and if she was thinking of me when she blacked out. I miss her dearly, and often break down and cry when I see her favorite coffee cup, or when I make the bed and remember her helping me and asking me if I liked having her around. She and I had done everything together for six, almost seven years, and now I have to do everything by myself. No more Thelma and Louise out to see what they could do that day. She called me sister because we were more like sisters than friends, and the last night she was alive she hugged me and said, I love you sister.

I have kept myself busy like she taught me to do when I lost my dog. I spend every day doing laundry, mopping floors, cleaning up the dishes in the kitchen and making dinner to keep myself from totally breaking down and giving up. I've found writing in my journal helps me too, to sit down quietly with myself and record my thoughts and my feelings. I have since gotten another dog, and she has been my biggest support system in helping me get over my grief. She makes me laugh, makes me take her for a walk daily, and is so intelligent that I swear she knows exactly what I am saying. Her name is Savannah Rose. I named her Savannah, and Debbie named her Rose.

Last night I decided to look up an old friend that had been in my life since we were in our early twenties. She and I both ended up with three boys, and we spent every weekend together and got into some wildly amusing mischief. When I found her online my heart sank. She had died of cancer in 2018, and since we often went long periods of time without talking, I hadn't been keeping up. Another death, more grief, more memories of what was and will never be again.

I'm feeling alone in the world right now. I live with a man who doesn't spend much time with me but is very good to me. That helps, but I wish he would spend more time with me, and then again, I'll have fewer memories if he passes away first, and he has some physical issues, so I'm expecting it.

Last weekend Debbie's little dog passed away. She died not six feet from where Debbie died, her little body stretched out in her bed. I felt like I had lost Debbie all over again, and another round of crying ensued.

It's a new year, and I am determined to make this a better year. I've experienced enough sadness and death in my life to last me a lifetime. This year, I am making new friends, spending a lot of time with Savannah Rose, and working towards a happier outcome for myself. Death is inevitable, but when you lose so much in such a short time, it can be overwhelming. My best advice if this happens to you is to stay busy, sleep a lot, and remember, every day will get a little easier, just be patient.