Horrific Fairy-Tale

Young and thinking I was in love. Wanting and hoping to have that fairy-tale ending which each little girl dreams of. I fell in love with what was a bad boy, a rebel. Growing up in a strict Christian family he was the guy that my parents didn't want to see their daughter be with. But being rebellious and rule-breaking, of course, I didn't listen and had to do my own thing.

I loved the fact he was much older than me and a bad-boy rebel. He was daring and crazy which I found to be exciting and fun. He was everything that my parents didn't want for me.

He could be funny one minute and very serious the next. Loving and caring or controlling and abusive. I soon found out that he had a very cruel and mean side and that is when I started to see the real him. Things changed and didn't get better but got a whole lot worse. When he drank it was much worse than when he didn't at first. The abuse came in all forms. Physical, mental, emotional, sexual, financial you name it he did it to me. I found I begin making excuses for the bruises that sometimes got seen by family and friends, withdrew myself from everyone and stayed at home with my Son except when he allowed me to go shop for groceries.

As time went by everything had gotten to the point where either he was going to end up taking my life or I had to get out of there. Times he beat me to the point I just prayed I would die if I had to live the rest of my life this way. He would most times make my Son who was born and raised into this situation watch until the age of 5 when I made the decision and secret planning to leave.

I allowed myself to live in this situation for 9 years because I didn't think I had any other choice at the time. He had me so broken and controlled. He took away every last ounce of self-confidence that I had. Left totally shattered, broken and feeling worthless beyond repair not knowing how or if I would ever find myself again.

Time doesn't fix it, you just learn how to deal with everything that as happened and rebuild yourself. It will always be apart of my life and I have to live with it. It changed the person I was. He took things away from me as a person and yet it made me a much stronger person than who I use to be, but I miss some pieces of the old me.

It has affected my relationships throughout my life since him. Romantic and friendship relationships.

Trust doesn't come easy for me and it seems when I do allow myself to trust something happens that brings me back to where it all started with this horrible situation. I never dreamed as a little girl that I would have ever found myself in a situation like that. If only I had taken the time to listen and not had been so rebellious against my parents, what should have been my first relationship would not have turned out to be my worse fairy-tale.