Hope

“It’s from the before-times.”

The man sitting across from her startled her out of her trance, holding a silver chain up near the fire, the night breeze twisting a small heart with a smooth center surrounded by a filigree detail. He had walked up just before sunset, bearing no weapons, and gestured towards to the far side of her fire when they crossed paths somewhere off the old road between the ruins of Charlotte and the small market town of Atlanta. They had been sitting in silence while they ate their separate meals.

Setting his empty bowl on the ground, he gently turned the necklace, so the flames danced on the shiny surface. His words had snapped her back to reality, breaking her nearly hypnotic trance.

“The Before-times? Are you talking about before 2020?” she asked. He smiled, something that felt alien to her - who in this blighted hell-scape could still smile?

“Yeah, that’s always what my mom called it,” the smile faded into a melancholy sigh as he worked the clasp, pulling the pendant around his neck, then tucking it under his dirty shirt. “I haven’t seen her in a few years, I hope she and the rest of my family are still okay.”

She understood, many who left home had to accept not knowing what happened to those left behind. Some of the old ways lived on but not for everyone, if you wanted to send someone a letter a lot of times it would never find them. All the networks and data centers had fallen back in 25. She had only been 6 at the time, so she did not really remember it clearly enough to miss it. She had heard stories and seen tons of movies from before the collapse, but the idea of that level of connection the world had seemed like science fiction.

“Do you remember it?” she asked.

“Some,” he whispered. He got a faraway look on his face, squinting as if to drag out his earliest memories. The flames reflected in his scratched and taped glasses giving him a look like he was digging through fire to drag out the memories.

“I was born in 2014 so I was born before, the first pandemic hit when I was in kindergarten…its weird when I hear the older people talking about how awful 2020 was, how it was the beginning of the end.” He shook his head and continued, “I know, logically, they are right, but to me it was the last couple of years before it all went bad. It was hard for everyone I know, and lots of people died, but people still had what they needed and my family at least kept us safe in our bubble together.” He suddenly fished the locket out from under his shirt, then he dug a dirty fingernail into the seam, and cracked it open, revealing a simple, empty, silver interior. Gently, he kissed the inside and snapped it closed again.

Confusion played across her face, and he grinned. He twisted the little heart between his fingers. “It’s my mom’s prized item, when I left, she gave it to me. Said I would have to come back one day to give it back to her. It was the first Christmas present my dad gave her, the year they got married. She always wore it when I was growing up, she told me once that people used to keep pictures of loved ones inside but she found that impractical because you would have to take it off if you were going to get wet, so my mom filled hers with kisses from her family.” He got a distant look in his face and continued, “She would randomly have everyone in the house kiss the locket, sometimes when we were smaller we would ask to put kisses inside. I remember whenever she was stressed or thoughtful she would open it and kiss the inside too. I know she thought of it as taking kisses but to me it was just more…I know that may seem incredibly sentimental and strange, but it has brought me comfort having a piece of home with me.” He repeated his ritual before tucking the locket back into his shirt. They fell back into silence.

She did not know what to make of the man before her, he seemed far too happy to have lived in the same world she had. She had no idea who her father was, and her mother had made it abundantly clear that she was not wanted. She had left at 13 as soon as she was able to take care of herself. He was only 5 years older than her, but he seemed both wiser and more naïve. He seemed to be dripping with hope, which seemed to have died out years before for everyone else.

“So, where are you headed?” she asked. He grinned again, and softly said “Home.”

She rolled her eyes at his vague answer. “Where is home?” she said.

He gave her a crooked smirk. “Near the ruins of Charlotte, maybe another day or two on the road.”

She had planned on going that direction, she tended to be nomadic and during the hot months she tried to find cooler climates. Climate change had hit everywhere - Canada and the previously snowy places in the north could be treacherous with mudslides and sinkholes, dangerous areas to travel. Watching him across the flickering flames, she considered travelling with him for a time. She had joined with people before, but just as a means of increasing her chance for survival. The idea of travelling with this person, this man who seemed to be able to smile easily, who had hope, this idea was something different and new.

She had met so few people who had something more inside them beyond the drive to survive, but something about everything he had said bothered her. “If your mother was so sweet, and if she’s still alive and at home… why did you leave?” she asked him.

He glanced down, his eyes full of shame, and shrugged. “I love my family, but I just wanted to know what else the world still had to offer. We had a community, sure, but I wanted to meet people other than the 30 people I have known my whole life. I am not even exaggerating that, most of them knew my parents before I was even born. The only people my age there are either related to me or are like family. So, I talked to my parents about it and they gave me their support, and I left to see what was left of the world worth seeing.” he paused “Been wandering for 3 years, managed to book passage to the island of Florida for a while and I sent word home, but I never heard anything from them. You know how that goes. I don’t even know if they got my letters.” He frowned, as if something just occurred to him, and cleared his throat. “Umm, I know we just met, but would you have any interest in travelling my way for a day or two? Maybe rest up for a day at my place, my parents are pretty hospitable.” His tan face darkened in a blush, “Not trying to imply anything, I would just like some back-up. 3 years is a long time, and my mom might legitimately strangle me.”

Something of a snort giggle erupted from her, like shaking cobwebs out of her throat, a sound that, even to her, seemed unpracticed and abnormal. It startled her more than it seemed to bother him, and she quickly coughed to try to cover it up. She narrowed her eyes at him over the fire. “Are you being serious?”

He chuckled with confidence, like he had spent his whole life laughing. “I mean kind of, she once told my brother after he spent a week away in the before-times that he could never stay away that long again. She said she was joking but none of us are… were ever 100% sure she was. She can be really scary when she wants to be.” He chuckled again, “That said, my mother would never strangle me in front of company. She also doesn’t stay mad very long, so if I have a protector such as yourself I might survive until she cools off.”

She stared at him with the suspicion of a lone crow facing a wolf, trying to discern if he wanted something else, but there was something in the sincerity of his joking demeanor that caught her off guard.

“Won’t your family be mad with another mouth to feed?” He looked a little taken back by her response, suddenly lowering his voice, smoothing his tones like he was talking to a skittish cat who might bolt if he made any sudden moves. “I doubt they would mind, as a community we usually do pretty well.” He paused, then took a deep breath in. “Have you had anything good in your life?” he asked.

She shook her head, sharply, and looked down, partly in response to his question and partly because of her inability to wrap her head around how positive and light he seemed. How could someone have lived in the same world as her and be like this? She had never met someone who smiled so much. It was like he had this secret joy inside him, and he was so full it was leaking out right in front of her. Everyone else she had met was miserable, either from current circumstances, or the grief of what was lost. Countries, governments, people, everyone had lost everything. The widespread pandemics started in the early 20’s. Communications failed, climates shifted, food. She remembered the pictures of old headlines with constant disasters, riots she didn’t understand but knew to fear. More than anything, the grinding, oppressive depression, the bleakness.

After their conversation, this silence hung heavy and began to stretch between them. He was patient, waiting for her answer, and lay on his back staring at the stars. A need she had never felt before, though, began to well up inside her, to see this place with more people, with this warmth and hope that she had never known, that the world had taught her was gone.

Finally, she mustered the courage to break the silence. “Sure, I’ll go that way.” He looked relieved and replied, “Excellent, and maybe tomorrow you can tell me where you came from.” Maybe she would, but she kept her backpack close. She was not sure what would happen, maybe it was all a façade of the trusting traveler. Or maybe, just maybe, he was for real. She would only find out if she took a chance, if she could find a fragment in herself of what he seemed to have in droves, something she always thought she should have but never did.

She took a deep breath and said, “My name is Hope.” She shot him a knowing, wry smile at the irony, but he smiled back at her genuinely.

“Nice to meet you Hope, my name is Sean…thanks for being my rescuer.” They both settled down to sleep, and for once she felt her namesake glowing in promise of what tomorrow held.

The End