Home with the Devil

Shadows in the night don’t scare me; they intrigue me. My space is a revolving door for the darkest of deities. Some stick around, and some stop in to deliver a message or two. I’ve got an army of guides that keep most of the negative energy at bay, so when an unsuspecting shadow catches the corner of my eye, it’s usually because they were let in.

They never storm in with an extravagant announcement. They tend to slip in quietly and observe. I’ve gotten pretty good at detecting them. It’s taken me less time to figure out who they are or what it is they want. They pop in with puzzles, and I am not sure if this is a game they like to play or if it’s just them training my intuition. They drop clues like a scavenger hunt, and I don’t mind because I love to play. So, I humor them by deciphering their clues to solve the case of my next journey. It’s been a while since I’ve been property challenged. In fact, the Morrigan hung around my entire life before I finally discovered her presence just a few years ago. She’s tricky like that. Hecate sent me on a year-long trudge through purple flowers before she finally pulled me into the dark.

As I prepare for another visit home into the void, I wonder what the expectations are this round? How far will I be pushed this time? Each dive being deeper than the last, I am not always confident I will find my way back to the surface. As comfortable as I am here, I can’t help but feel a little off as the boat sails across the river of souls. Who will be my teacher this time, and how far will they push me? Each time I crawl out of these depths, I find a little more color drained from my soul. I’m not sure how much more black will fit into my wardrobe.

The spark to my flame was snuffed out not so long ago. No one is to blame but myself. Maybe there's a higher version of me that had more hope in surviving what she signed up for. Perhaps she is so much stronger than I could ever be. Sometimes I wonder if she ever feels me fading from way down here. If she did, would she rewrite the prophecy? Would she have a little more mercy on me?

Whoever it is that has arrived to lead me back into the shadows, please know I am not sure how much strength I have left in me. My persistence fades, and my vigor has drained. I’ve never felt less ready. Just very exhausted. I trust my capability of digging up fortuitous strength from the deepest corners of gorges. Tracking down my resilience in times of adversity has become a proficient skill I have acquired. Yet, I know that it is a game of roulette. The more deep dives I take, the number of cards stacked against me grows. The game is becoming risky at this point.

So, to the deity facilitating this scheme, deliver me your first clue. Point me in the direction of my path and lead me to the dangers ahead. There is no turning back. There is no bargaining or hoping for fairy tale fun. What problems must I solve as I adjust my eyes to the dark? What shadows shall I dance with that I’ll have to transform into weapons? Who will I have to face and fight to make it out alive? The only way around this maze is directly through.