His 5 Star Women

Caro James stepped out of her hotel in downtown Ho Chi Minh City and was enveloped in heat and humidity. It is July 4, 1996, the 220th birthday of the United States and the 20th anniversary of the worst day of Caro's life. She finds herself pondering the path her life has taken over the last six months that landed her in the one country she swore she would never visit. She pictures her brother Will arriving here as an 18 year old who had only been out of Vermont a handful of times before he enlisted in 1967 and had never been on a plane until he flew here. He was four years older than she was, as he was learning to be a soldier she was starting high school. It was obvious to anyone who met them that they were brother and sister, both had tall, slender builds and dark brown hair. Their faces were anchored by high cheekbones and warm brown eyes. As a child she looked up to him and they had grown closer as they corresponded while he was "in country". She kept him up to date about their hometown and he gave he advice on navigating high school.

He did his year in Viet Nam, came home for a month and then incomprehensibly, went back. His reasoning was that he knew how to handle himself and that doing repeated tours of duty would get him out of his enlistment five months early. At 19, five months felt like an eternity when he hated the army as much as he did. He came home unscathed in 1971 just time for Caro's graduation and in the fall they started college together. They graduated in 1975, both found jobs they liked and moved into apartments.

The American bicentennial was a big deal and their hometown had an all day event planned which would conclude with fireworks. As darkness fell Caro wondered where Will was, she was with their common friends and he was supposed to be there. As she was oohing and ahhing over the brilliant fireworks exploding in the sky, Will's best friend came up and pulled her away. He held on to her elbow as he walked her a long distance from the crowd before turning to her with an anguished look. He had gone in search of Will and found him dead by hanging in his apartment. The family quickly became educated about PTSD and learned he had not come home as unscathed as they thought.

As Caro stood there in the hear of the Viet Nam summer she could vividly remember the waves of nausea that swept over her as she processed the fact that her brother was gone. She thought about how for many years after he died she could not bear to watch fireworks, and her perception of Viet Nam as country that ruined so many young lives.

At the beginning of the year her parents had sold their rambling farmhouse for more money than anticipated. They gave Caro and her two remaining brothers $20,000.00 each. Her husband told her to do something special with it. Something for herself, not for their kids, not for them, something just for her. They all came together to help her parents pack the house for their move. In a corner of the basement her mother came across a box that had been there for nearly twenty years. She opened it and quickly slammed it shut. It contained items hastily jammed in when Will's dad cleaned out his apartment. She could not deal with it so she handed it to Caro.

When Caro arrived home she put the box in her bedroom and got reacquainted with her kids and husband after a week in her hometown. One day when no one was home she lifted it onto her bed and cautiously opened it. She laughed and cried as she found photos from their college days, his attempts as poetry, articles he had written for their college newspaper and tucked in one corner, a little black book. She opened it, curious about what he used it for. She found entries that went from wartime through college and on the back pages were lists of names. Several she recognized as boys he served with while the rest were girls he had dated in high school and college. She chuckled as she realized he had a rating system using stars. There were several with 5 stars and a a gold star next to a name that she recognized as Vietnamese.

On impulse Caro decided she was going to get in touch with the names in the book She quickly dashed off letters to the boys telling them who she was and that she was looking for men who served with her brother. The addresses in the book were old and most of the letters were returned to her but one day in the clutch of returned letters was one from David Henderson.

Dear Caro,

Yes, I served with Will. You and I actually met when I made the trip cross country to Vermont. I fear that since I'm hearing from you and not Will himself that perhaps he's no longer around. Please advise and I'll be happy to continue a conversation. Perhaps email will be easier and more spontaneous now that we've made contact.

Yours, Dave

Her hands shook as she read the short note, once, twice, three times. She remembered meeting him when she was in high school. He was the one she was most hoping for a response from because she felt a connection. She dashed off an email telling him what had happened to Will and how she found his name. She asked how life had treated him. He responded and they established a pattern of emailing every few days with him filling her in on their time "in country".

She started searching for addresses for the 5 star women and found several. She could have easily over thought this as she typically did with everything but instead she pushed forward. She sent them each the same letter.

I am Will Nicholson's sister and your name showed up in his long stored possessions. I don't know if you're aware but Will died in 1976. I'm trying to touch base with people who meant something to him to learn about their connection. If there is anything you'd like to share I'd love to hear from you.

Yours, Caro Nicholson James

The first letter came from Jane Lewis who was two years older than Caro and had gone to graded school with them.

Dear Caro,

I was Will's prom date his senior year. He convinced me we should have sex by telling me we'd be together forever. I was 15 and a virgin. A month later he moved onto someone else. He's the biggest bastard I ever met.

I'm sorry for your loss. Jane Lewis

Caro wasn't expecting this when she sent her letters. She considered Jane's letter with a smile. Will was a player and that his horny 17 year old self would have promised his young prom date his love to get in her pants didn't surprise her. She thought Jane was lucky if Will was truly the biggest bastard she had come across.

The new letter was longer and came from Melissa Nelson, a name she did not recognize.

Dear Caro,

Will came into my life when I was in high school. We corresponded throughout his time in Viet Nam and when he came home we could not wait to have sex. After a few weeks I pushed him to get married and he refused so we parted ways. I went back to the guy I dated while Will was away. I turned up pregnant and we married, he had no reason to suspect it wasn't his baby but I know it was Will's. Our baby boy was born with severe birth defects and only lived a few days. I never stopped loving Will and mourning the loss of our child.

With affection, Melissa Nelson

This was surprising, Caro had never heard of Melissa. She tried to absorb the fact that for a brief time she'd had a nephew, her brother had been a father. She shed a tear as she thought of the difference that might have made in Will's life.

A letter from Liz Jones arrived next. She was a classmate of Caro's and had been off and on with Will from 1971 until he died.

Hi Caro,

Whoever would have thought that your gorgeous brother would be bothered with plain Jane me? We had our ups and downs but I loved him with all my heart, I still love him today. I've remained single, no one I've met measures up to Will nor have I let myself think of getting close to someone. His death tore me apart.

Love, Liz

Caro remembered being surprised when Will asked Liz out and that it lasted for over 5 years. She was not surprised that Liz was still single, she understood the desire to not risk losing someone again. She had broken up with her longtime boyfriend after Will's death and did not allow herself to love anyone until her husband came along ten years later and broke down her defenses.

The last letter came from Anne Trenton. Caro remembered her as a high school friend who didn't succumb to Will's charms.

Dear Caro,

I remember Will with such affection. We were on different paths. I was consumed with Jesus, God and church and he was not. I treasure the many philosophical discussions that we had about the Kingdom of God and while he liked to spar with me, I never had a doubt about his inherent spirituality. I find solace that in death he achieved eternal life.

John 3:16, Anne

Caro found comfort in Anne's words and was pleased that three out of the four women thought of Will with affection. This left her with only Tam Nguyen to investigate. She asked Dave about the name and he told her it was a woman Will met at Bien Hoa. When she mentioned the gold star Dave was not surprised. He told her they were very much in love and Will spent all his spare time trying to find a way to bring her back to the states. He put her in touch with sources who could help her locate Tam. Caro decided this was what the $20,000.00 was meant for and that if Tam was found she would make the trek to meet her.

A month ago she was notified that Tam had been located. The symmetry of being in Viet Nam on the 20th anniversary of Will's death appealed to her and now she was minutes away from meeting the woman that her brother had loved.

"Ms. James?" Her contact approached and motioned toward the scooter she'd be riding on.

"Nicholson-James but Caro, please."

Thirty minutes later they arrived at Tam's home. A beautiful Vietnamese woman around Caro's age was waiting. She hugged Caro saying tearfully, "You look so much like him!" She told Caro Will taught her English and she also spoke French with him. "We were so much in love. I miss him very much." They went into Tam's home and she shared photos of her time with Will. Caro cried telling Tam, "We didn't know about you. We would have done something to help you."

Tam assured, "My life has been good Will left me a gift. Trang, please come in."

The door opened and Caro was face to face with a tall slender young man with high cheekbones. He was the picture of Will. Tam said, "This is Will's son, Trang William Nguyen." He took Caro's hands in his.