Heart on Fire

That is what happened to me. My heart kept on braking. The last two times, it was the worst for me, and my heart was completely shattered. I knew I couldn’t give women another chance, ever again. The first woman, I met in 2006, but I didn't get to know her until many years later, when her relationship with Janice was about to end. It ended, a few years later, just as I thought. However, Cynthia never gave me the time of day. She was much too busy counting all the stars, so she missed out on the moon.

So, after falling in love twice, with two different women, I learned the same lesson. I was in love with Cynthia, but she didn't want me—at least that's what she told herself. She was much too concerned with what her friends, and her family would say about me. She didn't follow her heart. That alone was the reason why we weren't together; not because of me. She didn't want me. I was practically throwing myself at her, but she didn't want me.

That was many years ago. Then I met another, woman, very unexpectedly. I had moved on from Cynthia. I realized I could fall in love again. But I guess the only reason why I met Bertha was so that I could get over Cynthia. What I didn't realize was that I needed to be over both of them, before I could be ready to meet the man of my dreams. A man. I never knew I could fall in love with a man before.

But it didn't work out with Bertha either. Maybe it was because she didn't tell me she had a girlfriend. She didn't tell me she was living with her. She didn't tell me she was also working with her, to top it all off. She kept all of this from me. But then I realized that the only reason why I met Bertha, was to get over Cynthia, so that I could be ready to fall in love again—with someone so completely unexpected. I wasn't looking for it at all, it just happened, magically.

All of that heartbreak, made my heart crack open. Instead of my heart, shrinking and drying up, or becoming bitter, or jaded, my heart, just got bigger. In this pain, I was able to open my heart up to love again. This time my heart could love more. This time, I could fall in love with a man. My heart got bigger.

They always say that it happens when you are not looking for it. Why is that so? You attract what you are, but I guess you don’t realize that you are attracting something much better, until you see it right before your eyes. The timing has to be right. When you are ready, everything lines up. It’s known as synchronicity, or serendipity. I don’t believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. Just because you don’t know why something happened the way it did, doesn’t mean, there isn’t a good reason behind it. It may take us a long time before we find out why things lined up the way they did, but it is always for the best.

I am so thankful that things didn’t work out with either of those two women.

I wouldn’t have had the chance of meeting someone so much better for me. Someone who wouldn’t be afraid if everyone found out that they were in love with me. I found someone who doesn’t care what other people think, or say. I found someone with enough courage to follow his heart.