Good bye is so permanent.

I was 21, the world was mine for the taking. I had big plans for myself. I wanted to finish my diploma, and then get a cosmetology license. From Detroit, I was going to head to Dallas when I had saved enough and completed my education.

In the mean time, I was having a whole lot of fun with my friends. Tuesday was the pub, Thursday was ladies night, and Saturday we’d hit the best clubs in Royal Oak. The 90’s had the best clubs. Always somewhere and something fun to do.

I had no want or need for a boyfriend, I had already had a serious relationship, and I was finally over him. I mean the whole thing was emotionally exhausting! I wanted time with my besties, no guys needed!

It was a Thursday night, and we were all looking cute in our grunge styles(1993) to hit ladies night at our favorite local bar. We walk in and spot a group of old elementary school friends, and of course the fun began. I met this guy, Johnny. He was engaging, and just a whole lot of fun. He had amazing thick black hair, and eyes the color of dark chocolate. His laugh was one of those laughs that stick in your head for life. I had to be at school at 6:00 am Friday morning, so I laid off the booze and just enjoyed everyone else’s drunken chatter.

Later that evening, I became the designated driver(remember this is the 90’s people, there was no Uber and cabs were really really expensive) Everyone scrunched into my 1989 Ford Tempo(11 people in a 5 passenger vehicle) I know, insane, but seriously, that’s what the 90’s were like!

As people are telling me how to get to there houses, I realized I was being set up to take Johnny boy home last! He was definitely a cutie. but I was seriously uninterested in any relationships. As he takes me through downtown Rochester, turn here, turn here, we end up in a church parking lot! I laughed at him, he tried smooth talking, and I wanted to kiss him, but I seriously couldn’t even kiss, my last relationship really did me in! So as we finally get him home, he takes my phone number, and I seriously thought I’d never hear from him again.

As soon as I get in my house, my phone is ringing! Of course I assume it my friend Louise checking that I was safely home. But... it was Johnny! I guess we talked until 5 am, and I don’t even remember saying goodbye because my alarm went off at 5:15 to get to my class, and I was so tired!

After school and work I went home and slept, at 10 pm I woke to my phone ringing, and it was him! I called my friends and we headed to the bar to see Johnny and some of my old friends. We hung out late, and that night he called me again. We talked all night and he asked me on a date. I told him he was gorgeous, and fun, but I just couldn’t get into a relationship. He swore to me we’d just go out as friends, and we did just that.

Fast fwd...a whole year and a half goes by...and there’s a knock at my door. Johnny is at my door with 2 glasses and a bottle of Merlot. I was expecting him, but he’d seen me look worse than I did at that moment. We had truly become the best of friends. He knew everything about me, my exes, my sex life, my fears and triumphs, and I learned about him the same way.

He came in, opened up the wine, poured us each a nice tall glass, and told me he needed to talk to me. He explained to me that he really loved me and wanted more than friendship. I immediately told him no, I was to worried that it would destroy the most amazing friendship I have ever had. He said that if we can’t be more, he couldn’t go on as friends any longer. All I could do was stare at that beautiful tall glass of Merlot. As he walked out the door I begged him to change his mind, and he just left.

I was so angry! How can he destroy this amazing friendship we have?! Why can’t it just stay the same...forever.

The next day I tried calling him, and no answer. In fact everyday for a month I called or drove by his place, and he didn’t answer. He wasn’t at any of our hangouts, and his friends had very little details for me. My heart was broken, my best friend wanted nothing to do with me.

Another 5 months pass, and I couldn’t take it anymore, I realized I didn’t just miss my best friend, I missed the love of my life! What a scared , stupid, and blind idiot I am! Was it to late? Will he consider starting over? Will he want me still?

I knew he’d gone to get his masters, and I knew just where to find him. I drove up to State with one of his buddies and he got me to Johnny’s. When he opened the door I was standing there with a bottle of Merlot and 2 glasses. I poured us each a glass, he took a sip and I started to ball my eyes out! In the middle of my madness he kissed me. I’ll never forget how he tasted, hthat rich Merlot. That moment changed my world forever.

At 25 we we were married, and living our best lives. If you ever get married, make sure they are truly your best friend. Nothing compares to a true friendship, it trumps everything. I will always feel the joy and excitement of that kiss, as fine as a beautiful glass of Merlot. In fact every time I am poured a glass of Merlot I remember how beautiful my husband is.