Gloom Diary #1

Gloom Diary #1

I’m sad. Again.

My ex-lover is toxic;

She harasses Me everyday.

She makes a point of treating me badly.

She lies about me.

She lies to me about the lies she tells about me.

She lies to herself.

She tells a lot of lies and lies make me sad.

She lied again. I’m sad...again.

She ruins my reputation. She exposes me.

She stalks me. She doesn’t want me to be happy.

She’s getting what she wants; I’m sad.

But it’s okay; we both win this way.

She’s happy when I’m sad

I’m sad when I’m sad but happy because I’m sad and I get high off sadness.

If you know what I mean ? You probably don’t.

Here:

I quit my job. She told my employers that I was a drug addict.

That made my employers sad. They didn’t want to hire a drug addict.

I was sad too

Because, I didn’t want them to see me as a drug addict.

I wasn’t a drug addict to them until she told them I was a drug addict.

I knew they didn’t want to hire a drug addict. So once I became a drug addict to them, I quit my job.

People Change. I don’t do drugs anymore.

I did drugs in the past.

I was with my Ex in the past.

She knows me from the past and so she knows me as a drug addict.

I think it’s unfair that she continuously brings up my past to people in my present life.

I would really like to leave that behind.

I would really like to leave HER behind.

She has Her hands at my ankles.

It’s sad.

She’s holding me back.

I would take a picture of her but I don’t like taking pictures.

Pictures capture moments.

If I want to capture a moment, I’ll take a picture.

To remember the moment.

If I wanted to remember her on the floor clinging to my ankles, I would take a picture.

I’m not taking a picture. I don’t want to remember her like that.

I didn’t take pictures of myself as a drug addict.

I didn’t want to capture those moments.

I got high off the drugs. But seeing myself as an addict is depressing.

My Ex took a lot of pictures of me as an addict. That’s how she wants to know me.

And that’s how she wants everyone to know me

So that she feels justified for all the bad things she’s done to me.

That’s okay. These things happen.

I’ve done a lot bad things.

If people find out the bad things I’ve done, they’ll be sad.

I don’t want to make them sad so I will not tell them. Unless they promise not be sad when I tell them.

In my experience, they are often still sad.

So I often don’t tell them.

I still do bad things and I’m not telling You.

If I told you, you’d be sad.

I do good things too but people don’t take pictures of me when I do good things.

Which is sad.

I would take a picture of myself,

But my hands are usually full of good things.

I would take a picture of myself right now but my hands are full.

That’s sad.

I’m sad right now and I’m sad that I’m sad but I’m happy because I’m sad and I get high off sadness.

If you know what I mean ? You probably don’t.

That’s sad.

Gloom Diary. Season 2. Letter 1.

The gloom diary season 1 series is very personal and available to a select few for a price, upon request.