Get Your Sh*t Together (Or at Least Pretend To)

Life Lesson 1: Life Is Not Fair — And It’s Rude About It

There comes a time in every adult's life when they realize the universe does not, in fact, operate on fairness. I discovered this truth sometime between getting ghosted by a guy who wore socks with sandals and receiving a rejection email for a job I didn’t even want.

The reality? Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to people who say “expresso” instead of “espresso.” It’s chaos. There’s no algorithm. Karma exists, sure, but she’s probably stuck in traffic behind someone texting in the fast lane.

So, what do you do? You adapt. You keep going. You throw a dramatic tantrum in your kitchen, eat a cookie, and carry on. Because whining doesn’t change the system—but sarcasm makes it bearable.

Life Lesson 2: You Are Not Special (But You're Still Pretty Cool)

Look, I’m sorry, but you are not a glittering unicorn of destiny. You’re a human—just like the rest of us—trying to remember if you already shampooed your hair five seconds after doing it.

The world is filled with people just as smart, funny, and equally addicted to overthinking. You’re not the main character in their story. You're a background extra—if you're lucky, maybe with a speaking line.

But here’s the twist: you can still be awesome. Not because you're "chosen," but because you work hard, you keep showing up, and you haven’t screamed into the void (today). That’s more impressive than any Pinterest vision board.

Life Lesson 3: Love is Overrated (Until You Find the Right One)

Let’s be honest—most relationships are just two people silently resenting each other while sharing a Wi-Fi password. The romanticized version of love? That's Photoshop and caffeine-fueled Instagram captions.

Your soulmate? Probably lost. Or they moved to another country. Or they exist but can’t spell “you’re” correctly. Whatever the case, stop expecting perfection. You’re not perfect. (You’ve left your laundry in the machine overnight. Multiple times.)

The real win? Finding someone whose weird matches yours. Someone who won’t judge your snack drawer or your emotional breakdowns at 2 a.m. That's love. Slightly unhinged, mostly functional, and ideally with shared pizza preferences.

Life Lesson 4: Money Can’t Buy Happiness (But It Can Buy Rent, So...)

Listen, I’ve tried manifesting abundance. All I manifested was a parking ticket and an overdraft fee. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure as hell rents peace of mind. And peace of mind is not overrated.

Pay your bills. Learn what a budget is. Don’t spend $80 on skincare if you’re eating ramen four nights a week. Financial literacy isn’t sexy, but you know what is? Not crying in a grocery store parking lot because your card got declined.

Life Lesson 5: Social Media Is a Lie (But I’ll Keep Scrolling Anyway)

Everyone looks amazing online. Glowing skin, dreamy vacations, perfect lives. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here with a three-day-old zit and unmatched socks.

Truth? That perfect vacation photo? Likely involved heat rash, an argument over sunscreen, and mild food poisoning. That influencer? Filters. That couple? Probably breaking up off-camera.

Social media is a highlight reel. Real life is bloopers, outtakes, and bloated Tuesdays. Never forget it. And stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s heavily edited showreel.

Life Lesson 6: People Suck (But We’re Stuck With Them)

You’ll meet all types: energy vampires, drama connoisseurs, people who think “just being honest” gives them a free pass to be jerks. Welcome to adulthood.

Some people bring happiness when they walk into a room. Others bring peace when they leave it. Learn to set boundaries like it’s your job. Say no without writing a novel-length explanation. And remember: you are not a human emotional sponge.

Life Lesson 7: Your Body is Aging — Accept It or Fight Like Hell

Gravity has beef with your face. Wrinkles show up like uninvited party guests. Hangovers last 48 hours. Welcome to the glorious, decaying temple that is your adult body.

Anti-aging cream? Mostly just overpriced hope in a jar. But taking care of your body? That’s not vanity—it’s survival. Drink water. Move occasionally. Sleep like it’s sacred. And yes, stretch. Even if it makes you feel like a creaky 90s floorboard.

Life Lesson 8: Failure is Just Plot Development

Failure is not the end. It’s just that awkward part in the middle where you ugly cry and question everything.

Failing is part of the deal. But here’s the kicker—you learn from it, you laugh about it later (hopefully), and then you try again. Unless you’re failing at dating the same kind of toxic person over and over. In that case, maybe go to therapy.

Life Lesson 9: Happiness Is DIY — No One’s Delivering It

Happiness isn’t something you order with free shipping. It’s a messy, daily decision. No one is coming to “save” you—not your partner, your parents, or your cat. (Especially not your cat.)

Stop waiting. Take charge. Do the small things that make you smile—even if they look ridiculous to everyone else. Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s your only hope of not turning into a bitter, dehydrated raisin of a human.

Final Lesson: Life is Stupid. Enjoy It Anyway.

You’re never going to have it all figured out. Nobody does. We’re all winging it—some just do it with better lighting and a well-timed joke.

So, make the mistakes. Dance in the kitchen. Burn the toast. Say how you feel. Laugh way too loudly. Cry when you need to. Tell your story, even if your voice shakes.

Because one day, you’ll be old and crusty, looking back on this beautiful chaos—and the only question that’ll matter is: Did I actually live it?