Fuck it. Fuck YOU

I fell hard with my heart. Legs weak trusting you would catch me. For year after year no matter the thick or thin you caught me. You clung to me. Had my everything focused on the one and only.. You. And then your road didn't merge with mine. You up and disappeared.

You each day spoke to me. At times so low and others with a roar that startled me. I always have loved you and that alone will never die. When going through life it is just how you made it to be. Challenging. The torturous climb of issues that form a mountain are hard alone but easy with You.

I fear that I will be forgotten. Fear that I am lost and you won't find me. I know life and it's events happen for a reason. Right now I'm left with questions. No soul to run to and the pain comes in amounts engulfing me with one simple bite. To know that I once had everything and to know now I am stripped of it all has left me in the depths of tears. Tears that are never ending and have silent screams attached. I long for you and want your touch to heal and remove all the fear. And the only thing I can hear.. is silence.

The rivers that I cry are overflowing into a body of water. I feel as if the enemy has mistakenly pushed the incorrect soul into the flames and watched my every move as I squirm in discomfort. The words of promise speak and I beg for them to be set in stone. I know I am only of flesh. I am only of dust and in the darkness I glide with the air seeking for a simple gasp of peace.

The darkness of this pain hurts. One moment I'm up and others I'm crashing down yet again. I don't know the rules. I don't know in which direction to go. So I sit. To give it all away is easier said then done. Finding myself wanting to help when time begins to weigh and rest on my shoulders. I am trying and in doing so emotions flood me. On bended knees please lift me. Elevate me and place me where I must be in this life with you and I.

You hear and feel me. I want to believe you too are crying with me. But I have this lingering voice that whispers and chokes all hope I once had roaring "NO". I beg and grovel in daydreams and end in reality. "Look up" you say over and over like a plea. In doing so I see the blue that runs further than my eyes can gaze upon. The burn from the pupil in the highest of heights . The feel of droplets on fresh cut grass with the souls of my feet. The wind gently tugs and massages it's way through me and my lids close. Head held high and limbs reach from either side of me. I begin to move and you take the lead on this dance.

Wanting the view to be clear yet you stand naked to the eye. And I have come to a point in life that, that is okay. With the first okay leads with several. Okay to dare. Okay to stand out. Okay to take on challenges and face them head on. The okay that it will be okay. I have been taught lessons that took time. Forgiveness. Love. Patience. Fight. Stand still. Be brave. Loyalty and the list scrolls on.

Each day goals are spoken. Doors open and on the other side as I walk through you stand. So gentlemen like with a smile welcoming me. And because of you I am back up on my feet. Stumbling when my eyes drift even for a moment. I apologize so please forgive me and stay with me.

For the lives that have become dead to me please distance is all I ask. They are not safe for the snake within their mouth regurgitates lies they have made up in hate. I have no more to say to those souls who cannot fathom the pain they cause. So in moving forward will I never return to the position of looking backwards. Something you never have seen for the worth it amounts to. To love with my all and all is something you would never understand.

Striving for greatness in life is hard. I will fight to not let my turn pass me by. For when I do accomplish all that is written for me I will not let go and forget who Blessed me. Gift's from you are never ending and if I could return the Blessing how I would.