From Intelligent Machines to Dead Chickens Laying Eggs

Yesterday I heard a disturbing story from my wife about an incident at her workplace. She had overheard an argument in the lunchroom among six young technicians employed at the same business as herself. That business happens to be in the biotech industry, pharmaceutical drug development specifically, and all of these techs were college graduates with degrees in biology and chemistry from prestigious universities. The argument they were having was about the causes of the current scarcity of eggs and why egg prices were so high as a result of the impacts of avian influenza. Three of the technicians had taken the position, with total seriousness, they were NOT joking, that they did not see how avian influenza and the killing/death of chickens would cause egg prices to rise because dead chickens could still lay eggs. Let me say that again to make sure you did not misunderstand because when you first read it your subconscious may have revolted, and, in order to prevent damage to specific areas of the brain important for reasoning, logic, and rational thought, briefly shut down your conscious awareness of it, or wiped your memory of it within nanoseconds of seeing it, preventing your from actually comprehending it. So, let me repeat that, these three college educated (degrees in biology) technicians were arguing in all seriousness that dead chickens can and do still lay eggs. That dead chickens are capable of hatching live offspring. They were NOT joking, they 100% truly believed this to be true. The three techs arguing against this insanity apparently were not totally sure of themselves on this point either.

If you are anything like me, I can guarantee you are not, however, if you could be anything like me, I can guarantee you would not want to be, however, hypothetically speaking, if you were or could be anything like me, then one of the first questions that springs to mind after you weep for the future of all mankind is, where could this clearly wrong, totally ridiculous, absolutely bonkers idea have possibly come from? One of the second questions that springs to mind is how exactly could multiple persons with college educations from different parts of the country and attending different universities have come to believe it? Strangely enough, or perhaps not, the answer to both questions is the same, I have no fucking idea. However, I can speculate wildly as well as anyone, and my suspicion is that our abuse and misuse of language and the various crimes against logic committed by the technology industry, and abetted by the techgeoisie, the media and tech-blogosphere, over the past couple of decades is at least partially to blame. After all if machines can learn and be intelligent, two things, which formerly would have been viewed at the very least as logically impossible from a structure of the world and our use of language to describe it sort of way, then why can’t dead chickens lay eggs? If the abiotic (non-living) can now do things that formerly could only be done by the biotic (living) e.g. learn and be intelligent, then why can’t the dead also do things that formerly were only done by the living. e.g. dead chickens laying eggs. It makes sense, right? I mean it’s obvious. As plain as the nose on your face, Right? Right? I am going to my room to cry now. Somebody wake me up when this nightmare is over please.

THE END

But I am twenty words short so I have to type a few more stupid nonsense words to make the ridiculous six hundred word count minimum bullshit that is still in effect on parts of the site. Which parts I have no idea, nor do I really care to find out, but I am sure it is the one part where I will choose to publish this so here you go, stupid bullshit....