Freud's Not Completely Wrong

Now before you attack me, hear me out. What are we mad at Freud for? Because he said we fall in love with the opposite sex parent. He said before the age of 1 we enter the Oral Stage. In my opinion, and you don't have to agree, but it makes sense in my head, we put things in our mouthes as it has majority of our senses. We taste the objects, our mouths feel the objects, we are able to smell the object through our mouth, we're touching the objects.

The next stage is the anal stage. We experience this before 3 years old. Now, not every child is ready and that's ok. But majority of the children are learning to potty train. Given what we know about the anus being the first opening on our body formed in the womb, this can level in difficulty. With the pressure on females to adapt faster, young girls are often forced to quicken their learning.

The next stage is the phallic stage. This lasts to the age of 6 years old. This is that stage that many people have problems with. Boys are apparently more attracted to their mothers and girls are more attracted to their fathers. Here's where my opinion, again, may not be agreed upon. Yes, the way Freud worded it sounds awful. I hate it. But, he has a point.

My personal interpretation of this is the child is already portraying masculine or feminine energy, whatever their gender may be. Therefore, the child is looking for the opposite energy at this age, as they are growing into their personalities and who they are as people. Does this change? Yes. We change as we learn and grow as we are shown the real world. And each one of us interprets it differently. But ultimately, there's something in our core that is us as a person. Our inner child.

Our inner child needs to understand both the masculine and feminine energy. We as children need to understand both. By creating a connection between the two, we are expanding ourselves. When the opposite sex parent is not involved in this time, the learning of that energy is not met. For example, a mother leaves her children. The youngest is 6 year old son. Now growing up, that son has a sense of abandonment and will likely become overtly masculine due to the father's upbringing.

Therefore, it makes sense that the son would look for a partner that makes up for the mother's absence. If the son hasn't healed properly, essentially the partner will be all parts of the mother. If the son is able to heal properly, the son may seek a partner that is all positive parts of the mother. Now, we don't necessarily seek out a partner that looks like that parent, but there will be seeking of the missing pieces.

Further point, if the child is not in tune with the same sex parent's energy, they will seek that in a partner. A mother who gives a daughter validation at random intervals will raise a daughter who will seek a partner who does the same. The best way for a person to grow from failing parental energies is for the person to seek therapy. But the type of therapy is different for everyone. Remember, therapy is untying all that messed up yarn in the head and making it a nice ball again. Shop for the right therapist.

After this stage is the Latency stage. This happens until puberty. This is when people seek out those of the same gender. You are looking for the right people of the same gender to teach you. Teach you what exactly? Sometimes it can be materialistic type, teaching you to dress, etc. There's also the emotional type. These friends teach you how to be a better you. They might be great friends who want you to succeed. They might be not great friends that are teaching you what not to want.

You need all these types of friends because each one provides a new lesson. Members of the opposite sex can't do that in the same way. Females need to learn further feminine energy through female friends and males need to learn further masculine energy through male friends. This is leading into teaching members of the same sex how to attract members of the opposite sex for mate.

The last stage is the Genital stage. This last past puberty. It is seeking out the person of the opposite sex. Obviously, this isn't true for everyone. But majority of the people are seeking out their mate. Who fits the person's ideal mate? What goes into finding the ideal mate? They say smell. Something about another person's smell. Here's the thing though: if you're not healed from past relationships (family or otherwise), your mate may have those characteristics you crave. You don't like it, but you crave it.

Look for those flags in the beginning. If a person asks about your family and then love-bombs you, RUN! Examples of love-bombing: saying they love you quickly, doing things constantly for you, doing the opposite of what you are used to due to family trauma. Now, saying they love you quickly doesn't seem like a love-bomb, but if you don't feel like you can say it back or if you do feel ready, you just feel it stuck, chances are, this mate is toxic. They may get upset you can't say it back. Even though you've told them you're not used to it.

Your mate should fit you like the yin to your yang. I know people say "you'll know" but it's true. That person brings out the best in you. They make you want to be a better person. Notice how I say "make you WANT." You already have the need but it is helpful having the person push you to be better with each passing day. They know you are better than you are showing and want to let the others of the world see that, too.

This person wants you to be everything you're supposed to be. However, if this person tries to limit you, tries to convince you you shouldn't do something, RUN! They're wanting you. They're not wanting what you could be, what you are. They see you as an accessory and only want to show you off. They want to keep you diminished so you never live up to your full potential. They need you.

A partnership should be two people that want to be together in order to learn and grow. If a person needs another person, they're substituting an underlying feeling or trauma for the person. They think the person is there to fix them. They don't always want to fix themselves. The person you're meant to be with should know you both can live without the other, you just want them to experience life with.

Listen, this ALL may sound close minded or even misogynistic, but we as humans are sexual beings. We are ultimately looking for our sexual partners. They might not be long term, for all of one's life, but we're looking for the ideal mate to raise a family with. And we need to go through each stage in order to understand our souls and find the yin to our yang. So yeah, Freud might have been a bit off putting with some of his theories, but they do make a lot of sense.