Freedom Flies

The nights are when I feel my most freedom, when the world is quiet and resting and I am required by no one to do anything. By day I am an insurance agent muddling through paperwork and forced to move as quickly as possible having endless conversations with humans that drain my life. I feel like a bear at a circus, continuously being forced to be on stage for a performance. At night though it is just me and my porch, my ever so small screened in 10x10 porch. These summer months are my favorite where I can sit here with my glass of water and just listen to mother natures incredible creation. See, I live in Kansas the middle of no where Kansas on a farm that belongs to my family. It is a place where you feel one with nature.

Tonight, it is a quiet Monday night and as I sit here relaxing from yet another draining day, I hear a “swoosh” and then a thud behind me. I quietly shift my body to the left on the edge of my seat in fear and wondering what that noise was from. I am met with a glare, beaming eyes staring directly back at mine I do not make any more movements. At this point, I do not know if I should scare the creature off or if I should just sit in its presence. Barn owls are something I am quite familiar with, having lived out here where the stars light up our world and we are surrounded by barns these owls are frequent fliers. This guy was different though, he tilted his head just gazing at me and then he would tilt it the other direction almost like he was attempting to figure out what I was and what I was doing outside at this time of night.

After five minutes of the longest stare off my life, I maneuvered to a chair across the table one that I could sit directly facing this majestic creature. For the next couple of hours, we just sat there in each other’s presence, not moving, or making a noise just embracing the quiet company. Then as quickly as he swooshed in, he swooshed out leaving me to my silence and freedom of the night. I thought to myself what a freeing feeling to be able to come and go as you please, to thrive and live in the moonlight and move about when the rest of the world is sleeping. For the next couple of nights, I would return to my seat on my tiny porch and I would wait for my nocturnal friend to bare his bright eyes to me and we would set in the quiet company. His gaze felt like it could touch my soul, and every night he would fly away after a couple of hours back to his life of freedom.

There is something to having freedom, the ability to wander life at your pace and not feel the pressure to be required to be in any one location at any specific time.

Today it is a beautiful bright June Friday morning, and I walk into my office and hand my boss my resignation letter. My nightly meetings with my beautiful friend opened my eyes to what is important to creating my most fulfilling life. Watching him spread his wings and fly to new destinations and come and go at his leisure, left me feeling more trapped than I had ever felt before. Who wants to start their life over at 35, with no real direction? I guess I do, because the feeling of being a caged circus animal destroys my happiness more each day.

I walk out on my porch later that evening, bursting with joy because when I see my friend this time, I will get to share my freedom with him as well. He did not show to our nightly meeting though which left me feeling stood up, and I realized I had become accustomed and dependent on his presence on my porch at night. He never showed his face again on my porch, I would go and wait for him nightly just longing to see his glare. I felt as if he was sent to me, to bring me courage to follow my heart and create my own freedom in life like he had. He was free to fly at his own accord, and now I was too.