Forever.

They all say forever is a lie and as a somewhat naïve kid with an overly optimistic obsession that I would find 'the one' and live happily ever after, I was innocent enough to be completely sure that they knew nothing and were lying. I will find my forever love, and it will be magical, I said.

Bounce forward a couple of years to 2017 and I grew up a bit, and realized that nothing really lasts forever. I'm speaking in the context of romance here. I started to think logically, and, well, you could be with somebody your whole life and one of you will inevitably die first and the other will be left to live without them for the rest of their life, so on, so on and therefore, no forever. It's a very dark take on it some would say but that's just the truth. I was 22 and still hadn't found a partner or had a relationship, saw my friends break up and make up with multiple people, no one was really settling and as a young woman coming from a conservative background, there were rules and standards I felt I had to conform to and it felt like I was failing them. Maybe they were right. Maybe it is a lie. I was disappointed.

It is what it is.

A couple of days after, I had this small but life changing revelation. As I was roaming around Marylebone High Street in London,Uk, I came across a thrift store that had tonnes of Jewellery, accesories, books and art. I am embarrassed to say, prior to this day, I had never set foot in a thrift store because my family deemed them 'Dirty and for hippies' often saying things like 'why would you want old stuff' yada yada. But I was intrigued and desperate to break this chain of thinking that I was hounded with from birth.

I walked in, picked up a couple of books, records, some artwork and then spotted an old ring inscribed with the words 'Tibi in omne tempus'. I was so curious as to what it said and loved the way it looked.

So I asked the sales volunteer, if I could take a closer look at it and try it on - I have long fingers and pretty big hands for a woman and the only finger it ended up fitting on was the ring finger on my left hand. Ha. Funny, I thought. I stared at it for a couple of minutes, googled the text which translated to 'For you, forever.' HA. HA. Oh man did that sting a little.

Then my mind started going places. I thought, damn, this would be the ideal wedding ring for me. Classic, simple, not too flashy and has that burnished look which I LOVE.

I continued to look at it and observe the way it made me feel whilst wearing it. I felt sad. Confused. Angry. I don't have a forever, maybe I never will. This notion of forever was just knawing at me. Why was this bugging me so much? Why does a 22 year old have this insatiable need to find the love of their life? Is that all there really is? Is that all that can really be forever?

I discussed this with the volunteer - a 50 or so year old woman with the who could obviously tell I wanted the ring but could sense some discouragement. She asked me what I thought and I just blurted it all out to her, like she was a friend I hadn't seen for a long time. We discussed it for a while and she told me that she was twice divorced and happier than she could ever be. In that moment, I grew up some more and I realised, the problem wasn't with the non existence of forever but rather, the concept of it.

We define forever as something that should last as long as we live. We want to bind something, and, in the context of relationships - someone to us, that we love - permanently. And that never really does us any good. It forms an unhealthy attachment to the idealisation of love. Forever isn't real, in the way we think, but that doesn't mean it won't be beautiful if in some context you've found it.

The moment we decide to stop expecting permanence and instead find the forever in the small moments every day, in ourselves, in our careers and experiences, that's when we will realize that forever does exist, admittedly not in the manner that we have been taught to expect it to. The real forever is relative and individual to every human being and it isn't just about having somebody by your side your whole life in a picture perfect world, but having your life as yours forever as long as you shall live to do with and what, however you please. For better or for worse, you are your own forever.

So, I dropped the artwork and books in exchange for the ring at the same price and have never taken it off since because it's a reminder to me everyday that love will find me. It's a reminder that I don't need anyone and am not failing as a woman because i'm now 27 and umarried and have never had a serious relationship. It's a reminder that it's okay to fully invest in your career. It's a reminder for self-care and putting yourself first. Always and forever. I know love will find me when I'm ready and I'm not fearful anymore. Now when I wear it, I feel empowered. At ease.

For anyone that has found the love of their lives, I am so happy for you. For those who haven't yet but are hopeful, keep believing because you will and for those who don't believe in the traditional approaches to love, I applaud you and keep being you and being free to choose how many people to love as well as who. Everyone deserves there own forever, but forever starts with YOU.