Find Strength in Silence

When I was a child, my family would travel long distances. We're from the Midwest, so we had to drive at least six hours to get anywhere. But we are ambitious. Six hours is a weekend trip.

We're more interested in going to Detroit (13 hours away) or Seattle (22 hours away). When you squeeze five people into a car for that long, there are bound to be problems, and one of them is the radio.

Since my father drove most of the time, we were at his mercy when it came to music. Or more often, I should say, silent. When we were a musical family, my father would insist on turning off the radio every hour or so to, as he put it, "listen to me think for myself."

We complain and whine.

We say, "It's creepy that there's nothing to listen to."

Fast-forward a few decades and I suddenly find myself at work or driving with my stereo turned off at home. It's strange to me - I consider myself an enthusiast.

I love all music and I usually wouldn't go anywhere without it. I subscribe to trade magazines and listen to new editions all the time, hoping to hear the next new thing. It's probably one of my favorite types of art.

What's going on here? Maybe I was the same age as my father when he told us he needed time to listen to his ideas. But more likely, I think I'm finally starting to appreciate silence.

Silence provides rest

It's not just naps or eight hours at night. Our brains are constantly bombarded. From work obligations to events at home to the social lives we maintain, our minds are filled with to-do lists. When you add ads and social media? Talk about sensory overload.

I'm happy with my job, my family and my friends. I don't want to delete these things from my life, but sometimes my brain gets tired.

Who am I kidding? Sometimes my whole body feels tired. What seems to be helping these days is cutting back on passive media consumption, whether it's watching TV, listening to music or podcasting.

Your mind may jump with the silence it "needs" to fill. At least mine did. But eventually it will settle down and enjoy the ability to fully focus on whatever task you're doing.

I've been quietly enjoying cooking lately. The smell is more pungent to me and the end product always seems to taste better.

Multitasking wears our brains out; Listening to music while doing other activities is a subtle form of multitasking. I'm not suggesting that we have to be engrossed when examining new artists, but I do believe that our brains can take a break from time to time in order to recharge for the next jam session.

Time for reflection

Just like computers, our brains have to process all the data we collect every day. Just like computers, when we run too many programs, our brains become slow and difficult to process.

In order to act from a place of love, we need to be able to understand and process what is happening in our lives. We need to deal with that. I've heard that meditation is very effective for this, but I'm still trying to make it happen.

At this point, I find the easiest way to deal with it is to go for a run. I used to wear headphones to distract me from the pain of cardio, but one day I decided to go without them and actually enjoy it more. Instead of feeling miserable all the time, I felt better. As a bonus, I feel more clear-headed.

Now, every time I run or go for a walk, I leave the music at home. It gives me time to process the events of my day, which allows me to take action instead of reacting.

So the next time you seek clarity, seek some silence and focus on more unconscious tasks, such as walking in the garden or weeding. I'm willing to bet that in just 30 minutes, you'll be more comfortable with yourself and the world.

Things mean more

In one of my favorite movies, a character wonders aloud after 60 years of marriage that saying "I love you" is a bit like saying "cheese sandwich." I'm not sure I agree 100% with this theory, but it's a good point.

I was definitely born with a gift for talking. So do a few of my friends, so when we get together, we can talk for hours.

But if we spend too much time together, our conversations can get a little... Fade out. We'll wait in line at the grocery store for 15 minutes to start talking about cream cheese. Not that this is a bad thing. It gets a little silly.

I didn't realize it until I started spending time with a few quieter people, one of whom was my husband. I kept talking and these friends didn't really respond.

At first I was a little hurt, but then I thought about what I was saying and found there was nothing to respond to. I'm just filling the air with dead air.

But when these people talk, what they say is insightful, witty and thoughtful. I value what they bring to my life because I finally understand that it's okay to be quiet around other people. Our conversations went deeper, and I learned to practice thinking before I spoke. Hallelujah!

I still enjoy talking on the phone and chatting with my talkative friends, but I value the moments of silence in between. And I've found that even my really talkative friends don't mind if I don't keep quiet now.

When you are having a conversation, allow yourself to be silent. These moments provide a time to reflect on what you have heard or what you are about to say. It can make you a better friend, colleague, spouse, and more. There is indeed something to be said for quality rather than quantity.

In my silent journey, I feel like I've found a place of peace and I've made positive changes to myself and the world around me.

I encourage everyone to enjoy the small pauses in life and extend them beyond your comfort zone. You'll be surprised at the results.