Everybody know what I am, but I don't

Everytime I go somewhere new, everyone look at me with terror in their eyes. The see something in me, maybe my appearance, maybe my smell, maybe the way I talk or walk, maybe the way I act, no matter what it is, everyone is scared of me. What do they see that I can't? When I see in a miror, I don't find myself to be any different than anyone else. I speak their language, I do as they do, and I make sure to stay clean and even use their parfumes. But even with all that, they are still scared of me. I don't know what I do wrong, I don't know what I say wrong, but I do and I'm driving them away.

I traveled around the world, learned everything I could to be normal, or not even normal, I just don't want to be percieved as a threat. Maybe someone who look like me did something terrible, maybe my ancestors did something terrible. All I know is that I'm a threat to people arround me, I can see it in their eyes. What can I do to change their mind? What can I do, when I don't know what I did wrong?

But then, I realised, I'm also the one who's afraid of people without knowing them. How can I pretend that people should not be afraid of me when I'm afraid of them? It's not entirely concious, at first I thought I just didn't care much about them. But then, I realised that I do fear them, just as they fear me. Was I always like that? Was I always afraid of them? I can't tell. People who are scared are scary. Fear can make people do crazy things. Maybe my fear is what feed their fear, maybe if I stop being afraid, their fear will slowly fade away... I can't tell, and it's scary.

Fear is like an armor, if we don't have it, we feel naked, we feel as if we could die at any steps. But fear is also a weapon, it could kill you if you're not ready to receive it or kill your enemy if you use it right. Fear protect us from the other's fears. Being fearless is also something that can scare people. If someone with no fear was able to survive all the fear in the world, it's deffinitly because it's the predator. Maybe that's what happened at first, I truly didn't have any fear, which scared people, which in turn made me scared of them. It's a visious cycle of fear. How can I break free? If I just stop being scare, I could both be killed by the fear of others and the predators learking around.

All path leads to death, now all I can do is choose how I want to die. If I want to live without regrets, I need to stop living in fear. Live my life at the fullest. If other's fear kills me, at least it was not my own. If pretators kills me, at least I did not hurt others with my fear. It's the best way for me to live. The only way for me to truly live. If my fearless life make people scared of me, so be it. I prefer to be feared than live a life in fear. As long as I don't become a predator without realising it. It would demand a constant flood of selfawarness, I'll see what I can do. For now, I just want to live in peace.