Emotionally Constipated

I wasn’t planning on writing today… but I felt the urge and here were are. Why is it so hard to open up; to be emotionally available and honest with another person? I never realized I had a problem. I always considered myself as the cool girl, especially when dating. Guys don’t want girls who are emotional, and are constantly talking about their feelings… right? WRONG.

When I was growing up, my dad was a crier. Not like a tear, but full blown sobbing—and at everything. I could be singing in my room... water works. Got an A on my report card… bawling. It never made any sense to me. I remember telling my mom when I was around 16 that I would never date an emotional guy. I didn’t want someone who constantly talked about their feelings or shared their emotions. No thanks, don't sign me up for that.

However, I’m now 32 and have been single for almost 10 years. I’ve dated plenty of guys, but not a single guy stuck around for longer than three-ish months. And you wanna know why? I’m emotionally constipated (yes, I said constipated). When I’m with my girlfriends I have no problem opening up, I’m the most honest person when I’m with them!! Hell, even in this blog I’ve been more honest than I have with any man I've talked to. But when it comes to dating, I could never open up about how I felt about anything!

I dated a guy a few years ago who told me he liked me, and all I could say back was like thank you, or an emoji or some bullshit. What kind of person does that?!?! Especially to someone they really liked! ME! The emotionally constipated basket case. He told me to use my “I feel” words, and I then I didn’t hear from him for six months.

When Josh (the game changer) ghosted me, I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. He had just asked me to move in, and then *POOF* disappeared. I went into research mode, trying to figure out why he left, and how to get him back. Every blog, every book, and every article I read all said the same thing… emotional connection. Men crave a woman who can connect with them on an emotional level. How had I never learned this before??

I recently dated a guy who was unlike any guy I had ever dated. I couldn’t figure out why, but I wanted to know everything about him. We went out three times in one week, and each date was better than the last. Finally after a few paragraphs of texting earlier this week, I realized it was because he was so open about his life, his goals, and his feelings. And because he was so open, I felt safe enough to be open about mine.

We’re so scared of the judgement that come along with feelings and being vulnerable. Would I rather avoid my feelings? Sure. I’ve always been terrified of opening up to men, because of how they would perceive me. What if they thought I was stupid? What if they thought I was wrong, and it started an argument. But in reality, men love that emotional connection, even if they don’t agree with us. If we’re vulnerable with our man, it creates an environment for him to feel safe. And that’s what any of us want… a place to feel safe and loved.

So I’ll be taking some emotional laxatives from here on out.

Xoxo

Allison