Emotional Abuse

Love is a major part of life and the world grows based on love interests between a man and a woman but majority of the time, we select the wrong partners and end up wounded and hurt in the process.

It always starts nice at the beginning since both partners are still getting to know each other but in the process of courtship which should actually be the period to get to understand and determine if you are compatible, majority of the time couples get trapped and feel an obligation to force relationships to work.

My story is that of falling in love out of pity and not wanting to hurt this person but at the end of two years we both came out of the relationship broken which could have been avoided at the very beginning of the relationship. The signs are always there but we ignore the red flags hoping that one day we will fix the problems but what we do not know is how long we may have to live with those problems, sometimes it may take a lifetime of abuse with this partner in question.

I met him at an outdoor event and we both were in a drumming circle, and we made eye contact, smiled and since I was singing to the tune of the drums, he was struck by my beauty according to him , I know that I am not so bad looking and shouldn't have been surprised he was interested in me but because at that point in time I had nobody and being human I earned for some close human connection to fulfill the emptiness inside of me.

We spent the whole evening together and he ended up dropping me at home. I was not very happy were I was living then and he told me that he had a 2 bedroom, on our way to my home he decided to stop by his place and show me his apartment, I thought that was a quick move on his part and decided to refrain from visiting his apartment that night and he was a gentleman listened to the reason why I did not want to go upstairs and kindly took me home.

The following day he called me and wanted to spend the day with me, we hung out he took me to a beautiful park and he expressed how much he liked me, now I am being wooed and was enjoying all the attention forgetting to also process more on his side and how men are wired. I started falling for this man.

Days passed , weeks passed we spoke on the phone , six months into the relationship prior to that he yelled at me like nobody had ever yelled at me , I saw it as a romantic gesture maybe this guy is just passionate, not knowing what I was getting myself into, he yelled on many occasions, I felt battered after every yelling and psychologically hurt but I still kept loving him.

Then he asked me one day to move in with him, I was very excited but at the same time I kept asking him if he was sure that's what he wanted.

He spoke to my dad over the phone that he liked me and will like to marry me , My dad gave his blessings and asked him to take care of me.

When I moved in I was the happiest woman on earth, I glowed like the sun and we were really like two love birds. We cooked for each other and took baths together but then the correction started from how to squat dish detergent, he always complained that I was wasteful to how to boil rice his way, at the beginning this annoyed the hell out of me and we fought over it and made up, I was trying to get him to see things my way but it was always his way or the high way.

More arguments about many things continued with constant yelling everyday. I personally started getting use to the bad treatment since the addiction to the treatment started and I cringed and was so scared whenever he threw temper tantrums, I became really forgetful and couldn't process what he said to me. It was like I was there physically but mentally I was somewhere else , he accused me of not listening to him and I did not love him and he told me severally that I can go to hell with my love when I professed love to him.

Sometimes he got so angry that he wouldn't talk to me for days, even weeks and stared me down , told me that he hated me and I was stupid like a blonde and he couldn't communicate with me, he threatened to leave me if he found another woman.

He suspected me of cheating and I never for one day cheated on him.

I planned to travel back home and the plan was to come back and move out but since I had no where to go after being with him for 1 year, I had to come back and continue staying with him, while I was away on vacation , we fought and made up, fought and made up and he yelled at me over the phone while I was away every time we had an argument, he yelled so much it got into my pores and I hated myself, my self esteem was so low, I was being maltreated by the one my heart longed for. They say life isn't fair.

He picked me up from the airport and kissed me passionately, he showed that he missed me and in the car on our way back home ,I was sharing a story about how I shared some information he gave me to a friend and he got mad and gave me attitude he almost asked me to move out that day but I was too weak to get angry.

He accused me of making him act out, he said I do not listen, I am not a conscious woman , almost trying to say that I am retarded. I was hurting but because I know who I am, I ignored him but it did not stop the fact that I was hurting so much on the inside , it affected my mood, self esteem and physically I looked worn and tired. I was so embarrassed around friends, in short I looked like a mess. I looked battered without the physical battering.

I couldn't believe how I was been maltreated and spat on by a man I barely knew but decided to love.

It broke me but I felt helpless also since I wasn't able to keep a job and I suffered so much emotionally.

It was worse than a nightmare , morning, afternoon and night there was always an argument and it got heated sometimes he banged doors, screamed a lot, pushed me and sometimes slept outside for days. I was sinking deep in my misery.

An inner strength started welling up inside me when I started saying to myself that this is not the life I want to live, and we talked about how incompatible we were and how we have tried and he kept telling me that I should at least admit that our relationship will never work. I knew our relationship wouldn't stand the test of life but I wish he learned to control himself, I warned him to learn self control for the sake of his children at least. He had five in total from 3 different women but I still wanted to settle.

On October 2019, I decided to move out, I got a mover to move my stuff to my new place and that day we both looked at each other with so much sadness in our eyes, he asked me to stay until evening and that he will take me to my new place I said no but he insisted and I obliged, in as much as I was so in love with him but this is a man I couldn't change and may never change. We both wished each other the best in life , He took me to my new place we spent some time there crying , hugging and holding each other.

There is no need holding on to something that brings out the worst in you I said to myself, heart break never kills and now I know what I want from a man and I hope he realized what he wants from a woman, Its been 7 months apart from him, I have healed a lot , I am much happier and my life is taking a new course and I have a lot of experience on how I want a man to treat the Queen in me.

Lessoned learned is that you cannot change anybody but yourself.

I learned to stop trying to change people to suit my standard but I should know what I want in life and go for it and do not settle until you find it , It could be a life of misery with the wrong person actually hell on earth.

The Choice is yours!