Doggy-Dog World

I can vaguely remember a time when I didn’t know how to read or write. Only a few scant words consistently made any sense to me: “Mommy,” “Daddy,” “Ball,” “Cat,” “Dog,” etc.

All the other words in my life were completely unrecognizable. Literally. I remember watching movies with my family and seeing a scramble of mixed-matched lines that only indicated language. Perhaps I’d be able to pick out a few small words here and there, especially as I grew older, but for the most part, I didn’t have a clue what was being laid out in front me.

Fast-forward 25 years, and suddenly the English language is completely second-nature to me: signs and billboards on the roads; random book titles at the store; price tags and labels at the supermarket; even those colorful flyers at your favorite kiosk in town (you know the one I mean). Now the act of reading and speaking is instantaneous, and comprehension is as simple as breathing.

It’s a gift I don’t think I appreciate often enough now the more I really think about it. Especially as I look at the world around me now.

The Poor-Gal's Crash-Course

Everyone’s stressed to the max. And understandably so. It seems like everywhere you look things are breaking down left and right. But there’s a system failure that I think just about everyone fears equally: the breakdown of relationships.

People seem to be losing friends and family left and right - some bonds with decades of history behind them - and all as a result of the larger breakdowns we’re experiencing politically, economically, socially. But, as tempting as it is to scapegoat, I’m not fully convinced that the current political climate is the primary culprit behind this phenomenon (though it undoubtedly plays a major role).

Interestingly enough, I suspect the failure of our relationship systems is a manifestation of a larger system failure: communication.

It’s one thing to simply know a bunch of words - go ask a parrot for proof of that. But something else entirely to understand language. Especially when the meaning of the words is always subject to change…

Let me explain:

For years, I, too, used to think the phrase was: “Doggy-dog world”...

It wasn’t until I saw that one episode of Modern Family did I realize it’s actually: “Dog-eat-dog world”

Much like Gloria Pritchett (played to delightful perfection by Sofia Vergara), I was taken aback by the correct phrasing: what kind of sick world are we living in if dogs start cannibalizing each other??

Seriously though, all joking aside, the contrast between the two phrases is striking:

One invokes a happy and safe world full of adorable fluffy creatures, the other its perfect opposite invoking literal carnage.

It was a moment that reminded how the arrangement of certain words and phrases always makes a noticeable impact, because that arrangement hinges on two important factors: context and intention.

What you want in the immediate present, and the conditions of your immediate situation, will always shape the way you communicate your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and past experiences...

*“I used to run buck-ass naked around my neighborhood screaming ‘Jesuis l’artiste!’”

....It’s pretty much the main reason why so many people can agree that they are just straight up done with politicians: they can’t give a straight or honest answer, because their primary intentions are so blatantly self-serving.

Now, you may be wondering by now why I’m giving you this run down over communication, and that’s a fair question. Odds are if you’re reading this, you’re probably a capable and functioning human adult (and/or immortal vampire), and don’t really need me to tell you any of this.

Well, my reason for this poor-gal's crash-course of COMM 101, is to point out the real source of this larger system-failure:

The systematic failure of listening.

Intention Matters

In our current era, it’s common place for everyone and their pet to have their own platform; tools like YouTube, Facebook, and the-artist-formerly-known-as-Twitter, have made it so that anyone get on any soapbox and beat their drum until the cows come home. But there’s a facet of communication that I’d argue they’ve completely (and possibly deliberately) failed to nurture: and that’s active listening.

Consider how many debates you’ve seen online where both sides are basically screaming at each other, while repeating the same information they touched on only moments before;

How many comments sections you’ve scrolled through, to see figurative (and possibly literal) trolls leave angry comments that ignore something the creator already addressed in their content;

How many influencers have seemingly blown up over night by the not-so-inconspicuous use of click-bait thumbnails and titles;

How many long-text posts or news pages you’ve simply scrolled through in an attempt to say that you’ve “read the article” without actually reading the article;

Here’s a test for right here and now:

What exactly did I used to scream when I went streaking through my neighborhood? Sound off in the comments down below! (Bonus points for the English translation)

*Now, of course, I am being facetious: I have not been, nor will I ever be, naked outside of my own bathroom.

The playful bout of shenaniganary is only there to prove my point: there are probably going to be more than a few people who will come upon this article and be taken aback either because they did not read it entirely and have no idea what’s up, OR they only caught that one single sentence, and still have no idea what’s up.

In my experience, communication overall works best when intention is worked into both speaking and listening.

In order to fully understand what someone is trying to tell you, you have to be willing to pay attention to everything. Even the smallest details. And that's a skill that’s incredibly hard to master! But, here's the thing I've learned in my 30-something-years of experience on Earth:

When you understand where a person’s coming from, even if you don’t agree with them, they seem much less alien to you. And that makes the problem, whatever it is, a lot less intimidating. Maybe even salvageable.

Conclusion

So, is “better listening” the key to fixing everything?

Honestly, I don’t really know.

I don’t think I really have any of the answers. All I've got is a bunch of observations and a whole lot of f*ckwittery.

But listening more certainly couldn’t hurt (at least not compared to what we’re dealing with).

Listening is how we each learn to use our voices in the first place.

As babies, we parrot back the words our families recite to us on a seemingly endless loop. As we grow, listening is how we learn the meaning of those words, for better or for ill. Listening is how we learn to use our own voices; how we learn to navigate precarious dangers; how we learn to forge life-long friendships.

I would argue that learning to listen is the key to learning overall, and that’s such a precious gift in its own right; one, like the ability to read, I know I won’t ever take for granted again.