Do These 5 Things to Dramatically Improve Your Communication Skills

When I showed up at basic training and was stripped of my identity, had a shaved head, and was placed into a platoon of strangers, my life would drastically change. I learned valuable communication skills that stick with me forever.

Moreover, being in a relationship with my girlfriend has been the ultimate test in communication. Love is complicated. If you come across someone you consider your soulmate as I do, then the number one thing you’ve got to recognize is that communication is key. It’s cliche, but it’s true.

According to Fairy God Boss (an incredible blogger), “a lack of communication can ultimately lead to low morale. Because ineffective communication can create misunderstandings, missed opportunities, conflict, the dissemination of misinformation, and mistrust. People might just feel overall defeated.”

We all know communication is key. That’s the reason why you clicked on this article. You most definitely want to be the best communicator possible. And who doesn’t? Life is too short for miscommunication to ruin friendships, relationships, and practically any interactions you have.

My goal is for these five tips to enhance your communication skills by doing these fairly simple things that speak volumes and will benefit you in the long-run.

1. Ask if Everything’s Okay

According to Metro, new research released by Time to Change reveals that when asked, over three quarters (78%) of us would tell friends and family we are ‘fine’, even if struggling with a mental health problem such as depression or anxiety. Our hesitance to speak out applies even when we need support the most.

Every day, there are countless interactions come across shallow. When I have gone to work with my army friends, we’ll talk about sports, things happening worldwide, and crack jokes. It’s a ton of fun! But the deep conversations are the ones that have made my connections so much more meaningful. From time to time, we’ll ask one another if we’re doing okay. Like really doing okay deep down. Sometimes, we’ll hear stories about things going on at home or personally that are striking. There are some things we’ll never know about unless we open the floor to be vulnerable with one another.

When you ask if someone is okay, you’re building an immense trust and bond with them. Not many people ask people if they’re doing okay. Maybe you’ll hear a “You good?” comment, which means you know something is off. Asking someone, “are you okay?” is a much more genuine response to someone looking sad or depressed. I’ve asked people if they’re okay, and they have vented for an hour about a personal crisis they’re facing or relationship problems, financial issues, you name it, I’ve heard it. We have to be there for one another and genuinely care. Mental health cannot be taken for granted.

It’s really tough to talk about personal problems unless you’re asked. When I meet someone, I don’t immediately throw all of my baggage on them right away, but it’s okay to not be okay. Someone who’s truly there for you and is empathetic will ask you if everything’s okay. We shouldn’t feel like we need to beg someone to hear us out. Therapists can do a great job of helping us with our issues, but why pay for time with a stranger rather than someone else in your life? I have nothing against therapy, but friends, family, and significant others are supposed to be there for you as well. You can be the bright light at the end of someone else’s dark tunnel by simply asking, “Is everything okay?”.

2. Let People Closest to You Know Your Whereabouts

According to The New York Times, “For the vast majority of people and the vast majority of circumstances, the benefits they get from sharing their whereabouts way exceed the risks that might be out there,” said Jeremiah Grossman, the head of security strategy for SentinelOne, a computer security company.

As someone who lives at home with his family, I have grown to notice that letting my family know where I’m going or my plans for the day goes a long way. If you’re living with a significant other, the same rules apply. If you’re living alone, let the person closest to you know. If you go out to a lot of places like I do, it’s especially important to communicate your location. It gives the people closest to you peace of mind knowing what you’re up to. They actually feel part of your life rather than just a random person.

I let my parents and significant other know where I go to give them reassurance that I’m safe and not in a crisis. The world is crazy. Car accidents happen all the time, innocent people get hurt, and everything is uncertain. Give the people closest to you the respect to not have them worry about your health or safety by letting them know your location. It can look like this, “I’m going to the grocery store.” Followed by, “I’m leaving the grocery store, won’t be back home until later tonight — going out with friends to the mall.” It’s short, sweet, and straight to the point. They’ll acknowledge you and be happy you’re open with your communication.

One movie comes to mind when I think about a lack of communication — “127 Hours” starring James Franco. He is living in Utah and decides to go on a hike to a remote canyon without telling anyone. Unfortunately, a boulder falls on his arm and traps him for five days straight. He had to do the unspeakable and (spoiler alert) amputate his arm to get set free from the rock. He could have died if he hadn’t amputated his arm. The point is if he had told someone that he was going hiking and he’d be back later that day, a search-rescue team could have been sent out. Help could have been on the way. But nobody knew. It’s an extreme case, but this example really drives the point home about just how important communicating your location can go.

3. Talk on The Phone in Addition to Texting

According to The Atlantic, Jonny Gerkin, a psychiatrist at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, thinks misconceptions about the phone call’s intrusiveness and inconvenience have probably scared plenty of people who like to chat on the phone away from suggesting the format.

It’s time to start calling your friends again. Texting is something nearly everyone does nowadays unless you’re extremely old-school and only call or even more, don’t use a phone at all. Besides the point, talking on the phone avoids information from getting lost in translation. I can’t tell you how many times someone has gotten mixed signals from me when I text them. It’s just the nature of texting. Not every word you type out will be perceived in the way you want it to. If you want a prime example, this Key & Peele video does an excellent job illustrating it.

Give someone the opportunity to hear your voice. Both of you will benefit from hearing the tone and mood you’re communicating. Text only offers so much that you can do to get your message across in the way that you’d like.

When you talk about something important, texting is sometimes more counter-productive than speaking on the phone. Especially if there’s something serious going on, hearing a voice can be incredibly efficient as well as a huge time-saver. You can cut straight to the point you’re trying to make. You can elaborate when necessary. It’s just so much better, in my opinion, and has helped me become a stronger communicator overall. Step out of your comfort zone and make the call when necessary.

4. Use Your Emoji’s

According to PLOS One (research blog), “researchers have argued that people are less skilled at interpreting written text because our ability to communicate, especially with regard to affect and emotional valence, specifically evolved for face-to-face verbal and non-verbal communication”.

You don’t like making calls and would rather text? That’s not a problem at all because this one’s for you! Emojis or emoticons — the animated icons you can tie into your text messages.

Emojis didn’t come out until 2008, and ever since I sent my first text, I’ve been using them. They enhance texting and messaging communication in a way that illuminates your emotions. It can be hard to tell if someone’s angry at you if they say things that hurt you. You might feel like you’re too sensitive and that their blood is nowhere near boiling. A simple sad-face emoji or angry red hot emoji can instantly signal to you that they’re feeling a certain mood. It’s simple to apply and very effective!

Emojis don’t always have to be used in the times where things aren’t going well. They can be effective when you are happy and feel like you’re on cloud nine. Little icons add more fun, fulfillment, and spice to your texting life. You can easily tell if someone’s a “good texter” if they use Emojis or not. It can become irritating if you use too many and stop using your words. Everyone has to find their own balance that works for them and the person they’re communicating with. Sometimes, expressions are more meaningful than words.

5. Be a Genuine Listener

According to Harvard Business Review, “Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.”

We were all given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening to the things actually being said is equally, if not more important than the things you say. Over the years, I’ve gotten tremendously better at listening. I try not to interrupt when something is being said to me.

Listening helps provide meaningful answers. If you’re already thinking about what you want to say next, you’re not listening. Nor are you going to provide an answer that shows insight or admirable acknowledgment. People want to be heard. Not everyone says something just to fill the silence. They say things because they care and want you to care too. Be present in the conversation, and your bond will blossom and respect for one another is guaranteed to heighten.

Mutual respect goes a long way with anyone you come across in life. Anyone who tells you they don’t want to be respected is lying. It’s hard to earn respect and far too easy to lose it. Try not to lose respect from people you care about because you’re focused too much on yourself rather than them. A conversation is defined as a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged according to Oxford Languages. It’s a two-way street, and what you say and how you listen both matter.

Takeaway

Being a good communicator is something that everyone can improve on (including myself). It’s a skill that is going to be with us until the day we die, so we might as well do everything we can to perfect it.

By applying one if not all of the communication tips I mentioned above, you will be well on your way to impacting people’s lives and generating more meaningful conversations.

- Ask if everything’s okay because it doing so will deepen your bond with that individual.

- Let people closest to you know your whereabouts because safety is a huge concern, and a true individual cares to know your plans.

- Talk on the phone in addition to texting because texting only offers so much that you can do to communicate your message the way that you’d like it to be perceived.

- Use your emojis because visual expressions are more great identifiers in texting-communication.

- Be a genuine listener because it will be your gateway to providing meaningful answers and insights.