Disassociating our decisions from their effects

Disassociating our actions from their consequences

Cursing our luck when we are the cause

I am sure we all do this unconsciously even if consciously we deny it. People blame fate, God, anything and everything for bad stuff that happens to them.

Politicians are adept at consciously dissociating the results of their policies from those policies. Bureaucrats are experts at ensuring they can not be held responsible for consequences of their failings. These are deliberate, or conditioned, actions rather than unconscious self delusion. What each of us can do, is be more careful, more considerate, have better understanding of what reaction, what all the consequences will be for our actions and decisions.

We see obvious examples in other people, such as the pedestrian focused on the screen of their cell phone blaming car drivers for a near miss. How often do we, all of us, not even notice that we made some decision or carried out an unthinking act that resulted in “bad luck.” we blame fate, God, other people, governments or luck for the results of our own actions. The biggest disconnection occurs when the consequences happen some time after our decision or random action. We leave home for a walk without a waterproof coat despite dark clouds. We get soaking wet and cold, a week later we have a chronic ache in our shoulders. We blame bad luck, our bodies, the way we have to sit at our work desk, anything except the decision to go for that walk without waterproof clothing. We allow ourselves to get angry at some chance remark from a person we dislike. The anger causes us to act compulsively and may be drink a large vodka before attempting to hammer a nail into place. We hit our own thumb with the hammer. We blame luck, the hammer, a child shouting to distract us, the vodka, anything except the choice we made to allow the remark to anger us. We walk round a supermarket, get tempted by special offers pay for 3 get 4 etc. then at end of week we have run out of money and blame the boss, the cost of living etc. We disassociate our spending, (paying for 3 items when we only wanted 1) from our shortage of cash. We take things from the freezer and thaw them then decide we do not want them today and so put in fridge; three days later we dump them, then at end of month, we complain our spending on food, costs so much. People forget to turn the heating down when the weather warms up, they feel too hot so open the windows, then turn heating down, a month later the energy bills come in and they blame the greedy energy companies for the size of the bill.

These are all relatively trivial examples but much more serious consequences can occur. In some cases it can be a case of self preservation, the unconscious avoidance of guilt. A person with mental health issues that include antisocial behaviour, the psychopathic serial killer in fiction and fact; all do this. Because there is an unconscious disassociation; the person can lie about their actions quite convincingly. The ability to lie convincingly comes from the fact they have not consciously done wrong, their subconscious tells them their acts are justified.

Decisions to drink too much alcohol or take illegal drugs then drive a car will have bad consequences, it is no good blaming the substance, the mates who encouraged the taking, the other drivers etc. This is such an obvious situation where effect is directly related to cause but in most things this is not so obvious. A choice made when you are sixteen can have effects not realised until you are fifty. So much will have happened between cause and effect, that it is so very hard to see the connection. Choices made by someone else, can affect our lives, we all understand that but how often do we think about the long term effect on others, caused by our choices? Human relationships are a tangled web of choices, decisions, interconnected and interwoven, mixtures of cause and effect; which may be intended or they may be unforeseen. So much is down to our not realising what the real effect of our choices will be. When I was 16, in 1958, careers advice consisted of the maths master forgoing his lunch break to ask each of us what we wanted to do when we left school. Saying I do not know since I have no experience; got you dismissed as a problem maker and that was that. So family history, family advice, was all you had. Decisions made then still affect you when you are 80 years old. Decisions made with very little real knowledge. It is not luck or fate, it is consequences of making decisions, based on guess work.

The most common form of disassociation, is in personal relationships and may be also in some sporting competitive situations. These occurrences take the form of provocation then not understanding why the other person reacts. Making unreasonable demands, constantly interrupting, constant questioning then claim not understand, (or take responsibility for,) why the other person is “in a bad mood”. “Borrowing” without consent and then not understanding why the other person gets protective of their property, time, privacy etc. Always demanding other hurry up and not keep you waiting, yet expecting others to wait for you. Using foul and insulting language then accusing the person who responds in a similar way, of being aggressive. These are all simple cause and effect but with the person being the cause unconsciously disassociating themselves from the effects. We all need to observe our own behaviour, to see how much we ignore the potential consequences of our actions.