Dear Readers

Dear Readers,

Anyone who is as much of a film and TV nerd as I am, might be familiar with the “Dear Dad Letter” episodes from “M.A.S.H.”, in other words, some of the best episodes I’ve seen so far. That’s correct; I’ve yet to finish the series. No spoilers please.

I’m new to Vocal.Media, brand new and like it so far. I’ve spent the last fifteen years or more writing my own fiction, pounding out story after story, novel after novel, and just perfecting my craft the best I can. So I’ve decided to try something different here. You won’t see my fiction. I have nothing against posting fiction here, I on the other hand just think for my own work, I want to try something a little different from my norm than my usual work. So articles, essays, reviews, whatever I feel like posting, that’s what you’ll be seeing. And just an opportunity to get to know so people through a shared love, writing. So feel free to comment. Be honest, be fair, be nice, when you do so.

Alright, with all that white noise out of the way, my letter to you guys.

I’m not nearly as witty as Alan Alda on M.A.S.H. though I’d very much like to think I am, but I’ll sure as hell do my best to get to know you all, and just get my weirdness out there.

In all honesty, I’ve just woken up. I made an attempt to write this yesterday and got stumped. No matter what I did, every head space I tried to put myself in, I just felt like I couldn’t write.

Anxiety is the pest the scatters across my kitchenette counters at night.

It’s been better lately than it has been for a while, but with the Pandemic, the world is a tight wound up ball of anxiety, sadness, and despair. As if The Nothing from “The Never Ending Story” has manifested, and is doing what it can to wipe us all of our hopes and dreams. Don’t judge me, I just re-watched that movie for the first time in at least ten years, it hit harder than I would have anticipated when I turned it on.

Working as essential worker, is tiring, sad, and doesn’t make you feel like anything other than a piece of nothing. I won’t say where I work, not that I care about blowing what they do wrong wide open, I have friends who work there, who would like to keep their jobs. All you need to know is it’s a grocery store, who expects you to die for them, even if you’re feeling at your worst, mock your anxiety, over work you one second, under work you the next.

Here’s my problem, or at least what those close to me think to be a problem. I’ve always been picky with my day jobs, though I know with full logic I shouldn’t be, if all I need to do is collect a paycheck and move on with my life. The problem with this is, I want to be treated fairly, given a consistent schedule with a two day weekend, and just get by. This was all I wanted before the Pandemic, and wasn’t getting much of it, though it had sunken into my current work place, so you can believe now, everything is just chaos.

I can’t completely blame them. I can’t. Everyone is falling apart with the difficulties these times come with. So in my heart of hearts, I know I have nothing to complain about. Feeling this tired, this beaten down after months of fear, not knowing what’s going to happen in the long run, doing everything in your power to bring yourself to a place of enlightenment in all of this (I can most times, I’m a Buddhist, and chant and meditate every chance I get), it’s hard to feel consistently happy, especially when anxiety wants to take over and whack you in both knees.

I could apologize for how whiny and sad this first letter to you guys sound. But I won’t. It would be a lie. I’m not sorry for being honest. I’m not sorry for feeling the weight of these difficult times. I’m not sorry for wanting to take this time, this life event, as the sign I need to take everything I’ve wanted to do; write, and forward without that want and need, rather than sitting and waiting for it to happen.

Maybe that’s the point of coming to this site. Putting my foot in the door, hoping someone will see the work, and change everything. Unlikely, but you never know.

In a perfect world, the next letter to you guys will be a little more uplifting, with something a little more entertaining to say, but with everything in this difficult time, it’s all moment to moment, day to day, just HOPING for the best.

Sincerely,

A writer eager to reach more than just a few eyes.