Dear Jane Doe

Hello again, Jane Doe

Don’t worry, I won’t say your name. I know you’d probably find it disrespectful and I want to start this off on a pleasant note.

I know you well enough to know that you’re mad already for even receiving this letter, but I also know you’d have to be dead to let your curiosity go unfed — so do me a favour this one last time and grab the coffee I know you have ready on the counter as you go through your mail, and please just read this.

I know time has done it’s best to move us on and as a believer in never looking back, you’ve let it. That’s okay. That’s great, actually. I’ve done the same. We were never meant to be in each other’s lives for very long. So in keeping with that, I promise this isn’t some old-world mushy attempt to reunite and have another go at it. I’m better off without you. Relax; I’m not insulting you. You’re better off without me too.

I just want to thank you, okay?

I know our ending wasn’t amicable, but I send this cordially and with a gentle spirit, even if I may say things that you feel hurt you.

Before our end, we were birds of a feather. We were two little chicks who both wanted to be eagles soaring through the sky. We wanted people to look up, we wanted them to gawk at our wingspan and wish they were us. We were pretty, petty little things. I wanted to be great, and so did you.

I still remember all the amazing times we shared and even though I know you try to suppress it, you do too. Don’t deny it, yes you do. That’s why you made your best friend unfollow me after she told you she came to my place of work and sat with me for 3 hours catching up. It was a perfectly lovely conversation, but that’s just horrible, isn’t it? It’s just horrible that somewhere in the world, someone could think something nice of me. You couldn’t stand the fact that she didn’t hate me. You haven't changed, have you? It’s okay. Again, I’m not here to insult you, I’m here to wholeheartedly thank you and say one final goodbye.

Thank you kindly for all the beautiful memories we shared. Thank you for all the times I laughed so hard, I feared I punctured a lung. Thank you for teaching me to drive. Thank you for helping me come out to my parents. Thank you for driving us around late at night as we talked for hours and learned more truths about life through each other. Thank you for standing behind me like my own shadow when I needed an extra hand. Thank you for laughing at my jokes. I loved your laugh, by the way. Thank you for listening to my advice, right up until you didn’t. Thank you for introducing me to your sister — I miss her. I hope she’s feeling better. And thank you, thank you so much for teaching me what it meant to stand up for myself, even against you. I loved you violently, even if only as a friend. I showed you limitless amounts of loyalty and compassion, even if I was silently questioning whether I should be. I was there for you through everything. People even harped on me for it. I was devoted to you. I was so scared of you. So thank you. Thank you for teaching me that loving someone doesn’t always mean you need to unconditionally support their decisions, hurt their enemies, or hurt yourself if it means it moves them forward.

Oh God, thank you. Thank you so much for dismissing me from your life as if I were a classroom when I stopped conforming to you at every turn. I know you’re probably livid reading this. Please, don’t be. I’m not being sarcastic. I am genuinely just so thankful for you. We’ve taught each other so much. Thank you for showing me the difference between right and wrong. Thank you for showing me that it’s human and mature to acknowledge our faults, instead of denying them altogether. Thank you for helping me realize that I have the capacity to continue believing in and treating people with kindness and respect, even after being shattered by the person I cared about most. Thank you for showing me, in real time, how hurting people with no remorse can vandalize your soul and leave you carrying an even heavier load than necessary. Thank you for showing me how believing we’re perfect makes us look like a joke. Thank you for proving that choosing to victimize ourselves in our own mind instead of facing our guilt and acknowledging our real victim does nothing at all for our character or our karma. Thank you for showing me how I want to treat people, and how I don’t.

Listen, I still think you're capable of and meant for wonderful things. Really, I do. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for a relationship that taught me countless lessons about how I want to live my life. I don’t look back on our time together seething or with disdain for you, even if that’s how you feel about me. I think we were both meant to make a mess of our relationship so we could learn how to clean it up. To that end, I thank you deeply for having a hand in the construction of myself, a person who I'm very proud of today. Even if you refuse to believe me, I hope you’re happy and healthy.

Anyway, take care and try to take kindly to people, would you? I wish you nothing but only everything you deserve.

Be well old friend.

Sincerely no longer yours,

You know who