Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

As I sit down to write this, I realize how much time has passed – 35 years. It feels almost surreal to put pen to paper and address you after such a long absence. I was only a child when you disappeared from my life. So much of my life has unfolded without your presence, yet today, I feel compelled to write, not with bitterness or anger, but with gratitude. It’s strange, isn’t it? Gratitude for someone who has been missing for most of my life. But the heart is a mysterious thing, and over the years, I’ve come to realize that even in your absence, you’ve shaped me in ways that I need to acknowledge.

Primarily, I want to thank you for the gift of life. No matter the circumstances of your departure, you gave me something precious: a chance to exist, to grow, to dream, and to experience the beauty and complexity of this world. Without you, I wouldn’t be here, navigating this incredible journey of life. For that alone, I am deeply grateful.

I have spent years trying to understand the void you left, and for a long time, that void felt like a wound. I carried questions that never found answers, hopes that never materialized, and sometimes even anger and hurt that you weren’t there for my milestones, my struggles, or my triumphs. But as I’ve grown, I’ve realized something profound: the space you left taught me resilience. It forced me to find strength within myself, to learn how to stand on my own two feet, and to become someone who could weather storms. Your absence, paradoxically, made me stronger.

I also want to thank you for the lessons I have learned about forgiveness. For many years I carried the weight of resentment, wondering why you left and how different my life might have been if you had stayed. But holding onto that bitterness only held me back. Over time, I have come to understand that people leave for reasons we may never fully understand, and perhaps you were fighting battles I couldn’t see. Forgiving you has been one of the most liberating decisions of my life. It has freed me from the chains of anger and opened my heart to compassion, not just for you, but for myself and others.

In your absence, I have been blessed with role models who stepped in to fill the void. Teachers, mentors, friends, and even strangers have shown me kindness and guidance that I once longed to receive from you. Their love and support have reminded me that family isn’t always defined by blood, and that connections can be found in the most unexpected places. Yet, even as I cherish those relationships, I cannot deny that a part of me still wonders about you – where you are, who you have become, and if you think of me.

One of the greatest gifts your departure gave me was the drive to become the best version of myself. I have worked hard to create a life filled with meaning and purpose, and I often wonder if you’d be proud of the person I have become. Your absence fueled a fire in me to succeed, to push past limits, and to prove – to myself more than anyone else – that I am enough. I don’t know if that fire would have burned as brightly if you’d been there, and for that, I thank you.

I also want to thank you for teaching me about the complexity of human relationships. I was only 13 when you left, you taught me early on that people are flawed, that love doesn’t always guarantee permanence, and sometimes, the ones we look up to can let us down. These lessons, though painful, have shaped me into someone who values honesty, commitment, and vulnerability. They’ve taught me to cherish the people who choose to stay and to approach every relationship with empathy and understanding.

Finally, Dad, I want you to know that I hold no ill will toward you. Life is messy, and we all make choices that we think are best at the time. Maybe leaving was the only way you knew how to cope, or maybe you thought it was what was best for me. Whatever the reasons, I hope you have found peace. I hope you have had a life filled with love and joy, and that wherever you are, you know that you’re still a part of me. Your blood runs through my veins, your shadow has shaped my path, and your absence has taught me lessons I’ll carry forever.

As I write this, I don’t know if you will ever read it. But I do know that writing this has brought me peace. It has helped me close a chapter in my life that’s been open for far too long. I may never get the answers to the questions I have carried, but I have learned that sometimes, the answers don’t matter as much as the growth we find along the way.

So, Dad, wherever you are, thank you. Thank you for the life you gave me, the lessons your absence has taught me, and for the strength and resilience I have found within myself. I hope that you have found your own strength and happiness as well.

With love and gratitude,

Your Daughter

With love and gratitude,