Dealing with the pain of losing your ex !

Losing a loved one can be a very painful experience and dealing with the after effects of the breakdown of a relationship is enough to bring the strongest of us to our knees. So what can you do to ease the pain and give yourself a better chance to live through this nightmare?

Ironically, it may seem to most of us when trying to get through this time or trying to regain our ex, which is the opposite of what we should do! As a race we are social beings, we do our best in groups with a partner to help us. When that partner leaves, it may look like our “group” has been destroyed. Friends we knew when we were in a relationship often distanced ourselves from the consequences. And who can blame them? It must be very difficult for others to remain neutral to both sides because both you and your ex will have their own versions of what has happened.

So the first thing is to stop telling your story! Your friends have their own lives to live and although they may seem sympathetic at first the sympathy will soon be diluted in the tenth, stating what your ex did wrong! Instead, take a step back from where you are. Stop walking up and down, drinking endless cups of coffee and cigarettes. Yes, it can do wonders for your figure with anxiety and stress causing those extra pounds to disappear but it will do nothing to help you get through this difficult time! Sit down and relax! Try to get into the mind of an outsider, without blaming yourself or your ex, to see what happened to your relationship. You might wonder how well this little technique works to calm your mind and help you see things more clearly. Try to do it every time you feel stress is increasing, even if you have to do it once in an hour! A quiet interior will help present a quiet exterior!

Once you manage to calm the demons of your mind then it will become very easy for you to face your daily life. I know that at this time worldly things like jobs and paying bills seem completely insignificant but the normal routine of your life should continue. Now is the time to contact your friends, not to free them from their problems, but as a way to get themselves back into the normal world. Activities like bowling, running, jogging or staying fit in general will work wonders for your confidence and self-esteem. Eventually you have managed to lose some weight by worrying so that you can make the best of it! Now when I say things like the above, I may feel weird and rude but I cannot be more serious! Get out of yourself, find something to occupy your mind and if it gets you in better shape at the same time, the better!

I'll let you in on a little secret! As I said earlier most of us do wrong things in this situation! What I am asking you to do is get out, have fun, and improve your fitness level. There are too many attraction factors for the opposite sex! And what is your ex? You've got it! There is no better way to get back to your ex than to follow these steps and if that is not an encouragement then I don't know what is!

If after a month or two months you are still plagued by the same recurring thoughts of your ex and what you should have done to save the relationship, then it is time to write a letter! But it will be a letter of difference! It will not be posted! This letter is only for you, to recreate your heart, to write down all the mistakes that you think your ex made with you and to express your pain in words. Take as long as you want to write it, in fact you can write it in a few days as fresh memories come to taunt you. But once you are finished, seal the letter and keep it somewhere in the dark. There is an ideal place behind the closet. When you are placing it at its resting place, imagine that there is all your pain and sorrow in the envelope. You are not going to overcome it forever, only until the time when you will be able to deal with it more easily. A word of warning though! Don't be tempted to post this letter to your ex, your letter is personal to you and showing your pain to your ex is another way of giving them your power. Seal it and bury it with your pain!

If even after following these tips, you are having trouble getting away from your X, then maybe it is time to talk to someone. But I am not talking about a friend here, I mean someone who has been trained to deal with such situations. Relationship counselors are some of the smartest people I know! They have seen and heard it all and can offer to cry shoulder to shoulder with some practical advice. Now I know that many of you reading this will be very embarrassed to seek professional help, but this help is confidential and can help you overcome your breakup with what really happened and new hope for the future ! So take away your pride and embarrassment and find that phone book!