Days that go by

She stares, blankly, at the ceiling.

The clap, clap, clap of flesh echoes around the hotel room and the air conditioning whirrs faintly in the background.

The sweaty, panting weight pins her to the soft bed, and she tries to breathe.

He groans, stiffening before flopping.

A slimy warmth trickles between her legs.

He counts out the bills.

One, two, three. Four. An extra one. For the extra service.

She doesn’t move until she hears the shower water running. She slips the bills into her soft, dark notebook. It’s beautiful with its endless, tiny grooves and smells faintly nostalgic, of a time she cannot remember. Five darling, gilded letters are monogrammed on, gleaming softly when they catch the light. Five, small letters which she will never understand.

The edges of the book are wearing thin and faded. The sheets of the book are crinkled and stained, threads loose from fallen pages. Then she adds the new ones in, smoothing them out best as she can.

It used to make her fingers feel tainted, clogged, spoiled. An invisible film of dirt that clings to her hands when she touches the money, a searing into her skin.

But it is okay now. It is okay now.

The man comes out, flustered and dressed.

He leaves, and she waits for the next one.

~

The day swelters, pregnant with its own heat. Even the night breathes warm, stale air.

She goes to the convenience store around the corner, dressed in an oversized shirt. Men loved oversized shirts.

She walks in, doors singing their jingle. She contemplates, standing in front of their ready-made meals selection. She buys three of them and some cranberry juice.

“Can I get the morning-after pill? It’s for my mum.”

The clerk knows, but he is kind.

“Sure. That’ll be $48.50 total. Did you want your food from yesterday too? I kept it chilled for you.”

Ah, that’s right.

She had forgotten her groceries from yesterday because she was approached by a new client.

She had eaten instant noodles today because she had forgotten her groceries. That made sense.

She thanks the clerk and carries the two plastic bags out the store.

The musty, warm air seems to embrace her, but it is stifling and overbearing.

The hotel isn’t too far, so that’s okay. It’s still a bit of a journey, and she plods along on her short little legs.

A man is sitting on the steps of some long-forgotten building.

He’s holding his face in his hands, sweat patches seeping through his ironed shirt.

There is the bulge of keys and a wallet in his pockets, and a briefcase lying beside his feet.

His shirt is ironed professionally, at the drycleaners.

His watch shows that he has enough money to do so.

He hasn’t gone home because there is no one to go home to.

Another tired businessman who just needs some support, some relief.

She walks, purposefully aimlessly.

She can tell he is looking at her.

She looks down at her feet, as she mumbles.

“Can you help me? I’m a little lost.”

She pulls the shirt sideways, off her shoulder and clasps her hands behind her back, swaying slightly side to side.

“Please?”

A few strands of hair fall across her face.

A strip of paper falls out of her sleeve, as she skips along the path.

His pupils dilate.

He shakes his head.

He knows.

But he follows her anyway.

She leaves the door unlocked as she stacks her groceries in the mini fridge. Well, her door is never locked.

She takes a drink of her juice. They all liked the sweet, innocent little girls.

Before long, he forces his way in.

~

The locals were not an unfriendly bunch. They were only to her.

The women disliked her for sleeping with their men.

The men disliked the amount of money they’ve given her.

The only one, really, who was nice to her was the store clerk.

He kept his store open late every night, because he knew she had nowhere else to go.

Sometimes, she didn’t come. But usually she would be back.

He had given her his number as an emergency contact, that one time she asked him to pose as her parent for a medical situation.

He had also offered her a job at his store, rather than the one she was working now. But she had very politely refused because she did not want to cause trouble for him. The legal working age was fifteen, you see.

He keeps a tally of all the purchases she has made here. His store is popular, but not too busy. Some of his regulars stopped coming once they new he sold groceries to her, but he didn’t mind. He felt that it was better if at least he looked out for her a little. No one else would.

After yesterdays purchase, her total was coming up to twenty grand. He wanted to give it back to her, but he wondered if such an amount of money would even do her any good. The area was surprisingly clean from illicit substances, but you never know.

He had done as much research into her as he dared to.

She was the orphan of two successful business owners who had turned to drugs and liquidated everything until they realised that they could only have one last high. They were so desperate for it, selling out their daughter. She had always been small, so she fetched a high price. From there, she had been passed around until she found herself in this neighbourhood, in the hotel room that she had been left in.

She’s been there for about a year now.

And so he thinks it through some more. Would she even want the money? She seems to just live every day as it is, no more, no less. He wondered how she could keep going. What drives her? Perhaps it was the same thing that drove him. An appeal of the everyday.

He shook his head. They were similar, in certain aspects. He no longer had his parents either, earning money on his own. Complacent in their situations. Just enough is still enough.

He wondered if she’d like to go to school. Perhaps tomorrow, he would ask.

~

“It’s my birthday tomorrow.”

The sentence hangs in the air. He looks up at her.

“Well then. Happy birthday! How old are we now?”

She looks down.

Oh no. He has made her upset.

“Never mind that. I have a gift for you. But you have to tell me what you want to do with it before I give it to you.”

She’s startled. She tears up. She does not like gifts. She did not know how to react.

“You’ve come here many times now. I want to give the money back to you. What would you like to do with it?”

She doesn’t understand.

He starts to blabber a bit, not knowing how to save the situation.

“It-it’s quite a lot of money, I mean, I wouldn’t even know how to spend it, so I don’t know if-“

He stops. Tears roll down her cheeks.

“Sir, may I see you tomorrow?”

Now he is startled.

“O-Of course. Is there anything you want to do?”

“Yes.”

With that, she leaves.

He is confused. But shrugs, and closes up shop for the day.

~

In the morning, his partner is restocking the shelves whilst he serves the customers. Perhaps it was because they were outcast as well, that they welcomed her. She walks through the door. Her hair has been washed and her clothes are neat, even if they do not fit her. She looks so normal that he does not recognise her for a second.

She waits until it is just the three of them.

“Sir, will you take me shopping?” She asks meekly, staring at the floor.

He’s so shocked it takes him a second to answer.

He calls his partner over and takes off his apron. He has already talked about it to his partner before, so that they would be ready when she came.

She wants to go shopping quite far away, where they could be just another duo wandering the shopping centre.

The atmosphere buzzes, but they are quite quiet. They walk inside every store, and they walk out of every store. She seems to be looking for something.

They stop to have lunch. Her eyes shine bright as they are served food and she seems so delicately happy as she eats her simple meal. He buys her a drink, one of the large ones with chewy toppings and she seems delighted.

After some more walking, she seems to have found what she was looking for. It’s one of those modern stationary stores that he has never heard of. Seems quite nice.

She asks him to wait for her outside as she makes her purchase.

~

The afternoon sky is dwindling into dusk as they leave the shopping centre. She seems to have had a nice day today.

She leads him outside, as if she knew where she was going.

As they are walking, she hands him a small parcel wrapped in brown paper.

She tugs him along by the sleeve as he unwraps the present with his hands.

Inside is two soft, dark notebooks. They are beautiful with their endless, tiny grooves and smell of leather. One is new, whilst the other is well-worn. Five darling, gilded letters are monogrammed onto each, gleaming softly when they catch the light.

S O R R Y

“My parents gave me the same one when they were leaving,” She explains, “I never really understood it, but I think I do now.”

They have stopped in front of familiar glass doors, lined with a white and blue checker pattern.

She smiles, one that is bittersweet and lingering, as she turns around and walks into the police station.

~

There is a little black book on the counter. Inside are the details of someone, someone who just wanted to be found and cared for. A lot of money was spent, to find and care for her.

He is a store clerk. He smiles at his husband, who is making them breakfast. They chat about the new store that they now own, after selling and relocating.

The neighbourhood here is friendly and welcoming.

Once, very long ago, he had received a lot of money from a girl he barely knew. He wonders how she knew what he would do with the money. Maybe she didn’t know.

He wonders how she is, now. If she is happy where she is.

No matter.

After all, he could just ask her once she came home from school.