Day Dream

What’s it like to be completely head-over-heels in love? To have a love for the ages; be willing to destroy cities and walk through fire for someone, only to have cities destroyed and seas crossed for you in return? The love we read about in the best of novels, that leave our hearts aching and tears running as we stay up until dawn, unable to leave the world we secretly yearn for. Does that exist, or is it just reserved for the minds of wishful thinkers?

Out of all the otherworldly characteristics described in those fiction books I worship, I wish for love to be true the most. Whilst I admit that magic and dragons and gods do have a certain allure, I feel like love embodies all of those anyway. To love and be loved fiercely is already magic, capable of earth-shattering instances. Without love, as enticing as things may be, they would lack both depth and meaning.

I want to be loved. I want to know what it’s like to have my breath stolen at a glance, yet feel like the atmosphere has dissipated without him. To see the burning passion and desire in my partner’s eyes - a small glint of vulnerability in an otherwise expressionless face. Be pushed against a wall, his face mere inches above mine as his breath tickles my lips. Feel my heart beating against my chest like drums leading a march as he slowly comes closer, our combined body heat raising the temperature to unnatural heights, yet both knowing that even if the whole world was engulfed by flames we wouldn’t so much as look up. Feel the strength of his hands on my waist as he lifts me, knowing that he’s more than capable of leaving me bruised and broken, but trusting him not to. My fingers brushing against the small tainted patches on my thighs and waist the next day - born partially out of love, and partially of lust. Know that even if my entire world came crumbling down, his presence would be a permanent fixture, a light that can’t be extinguished.

I want to love. Give everything I have, and then just a little more. Drop everything without a thought, just at the sound of my name being uttered by his lips. Catch his eyes across a crowded room and hear only silence. Feel every inch of him with my own two hands, tracing every visible vein until nothing is left untouched. Care so deeply that our identities become interlinked; without him, there would be no me. Know every little detail about each other’s tainted past, yet never worry about judgement. Be there at every raw and agonising moment, no matter the day or time, to hold and comfort what is usually the epitome of strength, now lying broken in my arms.

To love is to put another’s needs before yours. Be a team, a partnership - the last two pieces in a puzzle. Love has started wars, and ended them. Has made the mightiest of men kneel, and the most silent women scream. Love can move mountains, and still the seas - make you feel greater than God Himself. But it can also leave you broken. Make you feel like your body is covered in thousands of cuts that will never heal. Because even though you’ve only lost one person, losing every other thing in the world would have hurt less.

I want to love and be loved. I want someone to care beyond the rationale, see me not for all that I lack, but for everything I am. I want to give them the world and still feel like I’ve not adequately expressed how much I care. I want to be looked at like the most beautiful woman on Earth, respected like the most intelligent, and seen and heard and loved like I was the last person alive.

Because even though I’m just ordinary, why does my love story have to be?