Dating in a Time of COVID-19

Being single and quarantined is anything but ideal. Loneliness seeps its way in as in-person contact becomes more infrequent. As someone who deals with a mood disorder called cyclothymia, this is at once a challenge and a relief. Hypomanic Me is like, "Why?! I just want to go out and see things and talk to people and drive my Jeep and go to the park with the kids and yadda, yadda, yadda." Depressive Me is feeling even more fatigued and irritated by silly little things, and she just wants to bury herself under the covers with a really long book.

Rational Me knows that I have to persist and do as much as I can while at home to maintain some semblance of normalcy. But when you're single, it just kind of sucks. You have no one else to hold you to your schedule or help you do things around the house. No one to hold conversation with as you go about your day, at least not in person.

Then, there are the horrors of trying to date online. Trying to find someone to hold a conversation with over the Internet is far from easy. At this point, I almost miss the bar scene, which was never even really my scene. Or the coffee shop scene. Or the college campus scene. But those scenes are closed. Shut up. Shut down. Quarantined off. Restricted.

So, how the hell do you hold a conversation - and I mean actually maintain it - with someone purely online? Here are a few things I've recently learned.

Ask Questions

Let's say you've been talking with someone for a few days, but the conversation has started to dry up. You think this person could be worth meeting when this stay-at-home order is over, but you don't know what to say next.

Go back and look at their profile. Pick a topic they mentioned that you haven't discussed and ask them about. Or, to switch things up, ask a question that hasn't been brought up at all.

Which questions should you ask? Check out this list of conversation-starters and perhaps put your own unique spin on it.

Discuss What You Want to Do After the Stay-at-Home Order is Lifted

What are your plans for after this all blows over? What are their plans? Do they sync up? Could the two of you finally get together?

Spend time getting to know what they want out of a relationship and how you might fit into those plans. If you cannot foresee yourself being in this person's life, it is time to reassess your commitment to continuing communication.

You don't have to tell this person that you don't think it's going to work. And they don't have to tell you either. If the chat hits a brick wall and cannot be resuscitated, sometimes it is best to simply let it die.

Keep Things Honest and Playful

Two things should dominate your conversation with someone: honesty and playfulness. Trust me, now is the best time for both. Since many of us are confined to our homes, we have time for introspection. Be honest with yourself about what you want - what you're looking for. And be honest with the other person about it as the conversation deepens.

Keep it playful though. Have fun. If you're normally a bit uptight (like me), let loose. Flirt a little. Don't let your hormones run away with you, but let the other person know you're interested by commenting on their eyes, their shirt, their tattoos and making it flirtatious.

What do you have to lose? And if someone tries to get a little flirty with you, see where it goes before you exit the convo.

Moving It to a Phone/Skype/Facetime Conversation

Think you're ready to take it to the next level with someone? If you've been talking for days and feel that the discourse has developed into something more than online chatter, consider asking this person for their number or offer to video chat with them.

This lets them know you are serious about continuing things with them and might even want to meet them after the COVID-19 threat is over. If they agree to phone or video calls, then you can rest assured that they are thinking along the same line.

Are you camera-shy like me? I can't stand being in front of the camera. But now isn't the time for shyness. Introverts, I am saying this from a place of love and understanding: Get the hell out of your shell! What better time than now? And what better reason than trying to find love?

Hang tight, friends. I know this is hitting all of us hard. Remember, you can still have fun and find someone you feel connected with while physically being apart. This might not seem like the ideal time to get into online dating, but it is actually the best time! Without the rigor of our daily lives holding us hostage, we can start getting into real conversations with the people we meet while online dating.

Also, if you are feeling depressed and need to reach out, do it. If you are experiencing suicidal ideation, nip it in the bud now. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline to speak with a counselor: 1-800-273-8255.