Dating Daisy

It's funny to think about how dating has changed in that last 10 years so drastically. The idea of meeting someone IRL is almost preposterous and now our thumb or index finger has become our true arbiter of love. Online dating is a gruesome undertaking. It takes you on a rollercoaster quite like no other. The dopamine hit that you get from a match is unparalleled but the inevitable first ghosting you experience where you are filled with a sour feeling of violet rejection makes you want to roll up into a ball and watch reruns of Friends. To counteract how humdrum this undertaking is I've decided to create a memoir to document the highs and lows of the carnival ride of love. So as promised, here's date 1. 

So here we are. After a very long lead time, it’s time for my date with my Pen Pal. The reason for the nickname is in the name but for those less versed in the online dating scene a pen pal is a name given to a prospective date where you spend a lot of time sending meaningless messages on the app before finally meeting each other... that being if you ever do. The pen pal lurks in the depths of dating ups and rarely comes out to pray.

There’s a lot of hype around this date. I tried to keep it quiet amongst those in the sky prison but as I normally look like a prepubescent boy at work and then I come walking in like a contestant off RuPauls drag race, it’s a telltale sign that I’ve got a hot date later that evening so my cover was blown. Yet again everyone was putting in their 2 cents and telling stories of terrible first dates with guys they met on the internet... always reassuring. Alas, I digress. So I’m strolling up Flinders Lane in Melbourne and by strolling I mean brisk walking. Very brisk walking...more like a trot. I get to the restaurant and get a text from Pen saying he’s at the back and at the back he is. Way way way up the back so I start to walk towards him with purposeful nonchalance. I want to look cool but not like I’m trying to look cool. I feel it was successful. 90% sure it wasn’t. I see him. We go in for the kiss hug, awkward pull away half thing where our noses almost hit each other but don’t. We pretend it didn’t happen and just go straight for the drinks menu however, I get distracted from the menu when I feel my body temperature rise....Why oh why daisy did you power trot? You’re now sweaty. Really really sweaty. Akin to post Bikram yoga sweaty. I try to subtly take off my jacket...and immediately discover it’s Melbourne and therefore freezing cold...so subtly try to put my jacket straight back on again. Pen 100% realised I was sweating and that I’d tried to pull off the ole ‘on-off jacket manoeuvre’ but he’s polite and doesn’t mention it.

We have a bit of chat and try to avoid anything to do with the fact he’s a financial advisor as I find it preferable to stay awake during a date. Pen goes to order me a drink at the bar and as he comes back the barman comes scurrying over to inform him that he’s card has been declined...Oh, the irony of a financial advisor’s card being declined is too sweet. We get some tacos and my taco is overflowing so I pick some of it out with a fork to enable me to eat it like the proper laaaady I am. I see him looking at me eating my taco with a fork and suddenly realise I look 100% insane. I switch to eating the taco with my bare hand and acknowledge that yes that was weird on my behalf yet we move on.

The date is great. We have many of the same interests... he likes cricket I don’t, he snowboards I don’t, I like wine he doesn’t. All the good stuff. The date finishes with a kiss on the cheek and a reassuring “let’s do this again”. I smile and nod, smile and wave, Pen smiles and nod, smiles and wave. And that’s the end of that. Will it be true love or will he be a yet another swipe notch on my belt? Only time will tell so stay tuned for date #2 folks.