Danny McColl

ANOTHER COUNTRY

I guess I should explain that this was in the 70s.... you are all familiar with the quote “the past is another country” ....well it literally is in my case. However geography aside, the things we accepted, never even thought to question and even liked back then when looked at through the prism of “now” it’s actually more of a different PLANET.

But anyway I digress, it was the mid 70s, which meant I was a teenager, 14 years old to be precise.

TIMES HAVE CHANGED, I GET IT!

I know we have come so far and it is quite possible that this story won’t resonate with anyone these days, but I hope there are some people who will understand the feelings behind this. I guess it’s a description of an event which illustrates really how we learn the crazy old paradigms ( badly in need of an overhaul) of “romantic love. “ An illustration of how we actually don’t value ourselves and learn too early to claim a feeling of self worth through the opinions and actions of other people. This is such a terrible, terrible pattern but one that is common to many of us. Until we know better ... I don’t think I ever knew better ... until recently.

PATTERNS SET

When I was young I could not bear the rating and dating game, the highs and lows, the rejection, the unrequited attractions ...everything about it was totally draining...nerve wracking at best, and repellent.. but I had no intention of remaining single either. There really seemed to be a stigma around that. Unbelievable I know..People always had girlfriends and boyfriends back then, I know today’s young people are going to say er, you were 14 what the heck are you talking about? But I kid you not 14 was a perfectly legitimate age to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Again I know younger readers won’t believe me, but it was the reality back in mid 1970s Suburbia in Scotland and no doubt, elsewhere.. I’d be interested in learning if it was true for some of you too.

DISCO NIGHT

The story itself is not very exciting in the telling... but wow it was SO exciting at the time... I floated around on a cloud of disbelief mixed with misplaced gratitude... although I highly doubt I would have used those descriptors back then!

DANNY

Danny McColl was a stunningly attractive guy. Thick lashes fringed his bright blue eyes, his straight white teeth were accentuated up by the ultra violet light in the scout hall disco.. in a very fetching way. Tall. His cheekbones were prominent but his face was perfectly proportioned and framed by feather cut black hair. All heads swivelled towards him when he sauntered into the room. Probably one of the most desirable men in our little town. Or anywhere in fact...

RARE BRAIN CHEMISTRY

Yes, I said I was 14, and then, as now, I didn’t crush on people often but when I did, I was completely gone.... usually it took observing and finding out about the person. Looks were secondary of course, after all who the hell did I think I was ? ... I never expected a popular attractive person to look at me sideways....

I danced around my handbag for a while with a few of my friends... then they wandered off for a moment... and I was tapped on the shoulder by someone. That someone was Danny McColl, asking ME to dance.

CONFIDENCE BOOSTER

...And like a grateful little puppy, dance I did... and in between dances we stood at the edge of the hall, in a sort of forward facing embrace ( people who went to youth club discos from those times will know what I mean....). We did not kiss, at least I can’t remember if we did. Intimate as the act of kissing can be seen, for us teens, in those days .... it was sensual, not sexual, just sport and just fun.... look maybe we did, but the point was Danny McColl spent the WHOLE evening with dull and uninteresting me. And I felt like the most amazing girl in the room.

BACK TO REALITY

An evening was all it amounted to though. We were never in touch again.... so let the games begin, the useless patterns develop and the ego start to run things... as I crashed down low from a dopamine high!

I told you it wasn’t an exciting story, but it was an event that stuck in my mind, that night I punched WAY above my weight... and became the subject of awed gossip!

This was of courses DECADES before social media or having cameras in our hands all the time, believe me I would have grabbed all the photos I could if that had been a thing!

AVOID TROUBLE

If the truth were known, I’d have to admit that I had from that time forward a pretty unhealthy attitude developed. I intended to have a partner ...but I did not intend to go through any kind of discomfort to obtain one. Pretty much I found myself attracted to those men who were not obvious catches, they might scrub up acceptably but there kindness and their minds were more important. It did serve me reasonably well, in fact. But present connection excepted ... it did at times lead me to shortchange either myself or them.

OLDER IS NOT NECESSARILY WISER

Oh, well you can attain a grand old age and still observe a better way of doing things. If you’ve been sitting around in your comfort zone, as I had, glad that I didn’t even have to think about outdated paradigms, friend zones, and whirlwind friendships that sadly appeared to have an unexpected end date..... how things are now, is new to me and my younger counterparts were more likely to be up on the social mores of THESE times, but that doesn’t mean they need to be judgemental as they have no idea how things were then. I’d hope the majority would understand that I as an older person might see things differently... and perhaps act accordingly.

NEW WAYS OF THINKING

When thinking back to those days and considering some of my recent interactions I now have it on my bucket list to open hearts and minds to a different way of thinking about friends, connections and attachments.... the old ways were not working for SO MANY and were causing real problems, real hurts and real misunderstandings. Ironically as I have said, the old paradigm did serve me ... up to a point... but new ideas and growth just don’t come from a contented place. Lovely though a contented place is.... it does not provide the creative boot up the backside that misunderstandings and clashes do!

I suppose Danny Mc Coll is a silver fox now, I expect he is living a great life. I’m sure he had NO idea his idle evening all those decades ago... made such an impact on an insecure girl! I believed in myself just a little bit more after that evening... sad I know, but true.