Cutting Ties

No matter how long or how well you know someone it’s never easy to cut ties with them. Sometimes it’s necessary for your own mental health. I had to do it with a friend because it just seemed like a vicious circle of being amazing best friends to having snide indirect posts about me posted all over social media. Apparently I was a bad friend because I didn’t always instantly reply to texts and when I got a job I was too busy to go out.

I hardly thought that made me a bad friend, when I was going through hard times I use to keep most of it to myself because I knew no one was interested in being there for me. I’m not saying this person was a horrible person or they weren’t there for me when I needed them. Because they were there for me, they made me smile and laugh when I needed to them, helped me cry all my feelings out. But the relationship was still a bit toxic, my mental health heightened that. I was told “you’re my best friend, I can talk to you about anything and I’m always going to be here for you too” but then would see that person saying the same things about someone else.

I would notice little things like them spending more time with other people and leaving me out, they would have more pictures with other people. I just didn’t feel like I fit into the whole friendship group, which isn’t really their fault. But it did get to the point where I was sick of hearing my friend talk bad about their other friends and then the next day be completely two faced.

I bit my tongue, held it all in because it felt petty and I know it would just be spun round on myself to make it look like I just had the green eyed monster on my back. It made me think if this person is claiming to be their best friend as well then saying all these horrible things behind their back what were they saying about me? Not that I ever gave them anything to talk about me for, but you never know how twisted people can make things.

I always stuck up for this person and told them whenever someone had said anything about them behind their back. I look back on it now and I feel by doing this I may have stopped myself from having some genuine friendships. But I hated two-faced people and I just didn’t want to be a part of it. I fully believe in karma and treating people how you wish to be treated, so I tried not to talk about people behind their backs and then be their best friend in the next breath. If I were done with someone then I was done that was it that is when I would allow myself to talk about them.

This person helped introduce me to the love of my life, to my true best friend. I was finally getting a real taste of happiness and what it felt like to live drama free, having someone only caring about you. It felt amazing and everyone was noticing what a difference it was having on my mental health. I got so many compliments from people at work noticing how much happier and confident I had gotten since they had come into my life.

Even with all this happiness my soul mate had brought into my life I was still not one hundred percent able to just relax and enjoy life. all the drama was just getting too much now, and I was seeing it for what it truly was. It was just making me so exhausted and I was sick of feeling low and tired all the time. It was having such a bad effect on my mental health, I didn’t want that anymore, I wanted happiness for once.

Just after this person’s birthday we went a couple of weeks without talking, I think I was about a month because it was coming up to my birthday and still hadn’t heard from them. Normally we would make plans for both of our birthdays but that year we did so much for their birthday and when my birthday came around nothing. I realised then that it wasn’t a mutual friendship and I was so over it, I was done being the third wheel to everything, only being picked up and used when it suited them.

I decided from then on I was done. I wasn’t going to look at their posts anymore, I wasn’t going to reply to their messages. I was over doing everything for everyone else’s happiness I had decided it was time to think about my own happiness. This was all about two years ago now, since then this person has tried to message me, and comment on posts such as my engagement announcement. But I stuck to my guns, I wasn’t going to be drawn back in. of course I felt bad for not really giving them an explanation but by doing that I would have been allowing them to explain themselves, therefore possibly drawing me back in on lies and false promises of change.

I was done, I had cut all ties and have no intentions of ever fixing them.