Consumed

The familiarity of my surroundings appears the same as it has always been. The trees decorating the entrance into the building. The brick walls showing signs of aging but still holding strong. The gentle silence of the night glistening as the stars come into alignment. Everything remains stagnant as the day before, however a piece is missing. Though nothing is out of place, a darkness lurks about. Daytime begins to feel like it is going at snail’s pace, yet the days go by so quickly. A blink of an eye and the month has gone by. Seeming as if I am living in slow motion, somehow, life has been fast forwarded.

Three months and two days, an amicable noise buzz nearby. No matter what takes place within the normal business hours, that device is so addicting. To put it down is like a sin. What if an important notification goes off? A text message arrives from the one person you wish to speak with. Pretty soon, that touch screen begins to consume every waking minute. Turning of the head makes for that thing to be lost, just a few inches out of reach. Not long before my zombie like state approaches when it has me in its clutches.

To the rest of the world, I go about my day aimlessly wondering around from one point to another, always curious to find a purpose. On the afternoons that all the work has been accomplished and there is nothing left to do, that device peaks my attention. Why can I not seem to put it down? Perhaps it is because of the photographs, certain ones that captured a specific moment in time when life seemed different. A collection of recollections that hold a certain someone that has now simply vanished, as if the pictures had been photoshopped. Perhaps it is the feeling that phone will ring a cheerful ringtone, or perhaps not.

Three months and two days the world has marched forward. Mother nature covering up one of her children and hiding any evidence that life form ever existed. Father Time right by her side, busying individuals with tasks so they may be consumed by them. Both working together to urge the world along, to keep moving forward. To stop for a split second or slow down to remember what has been lost is not permitted. You see, they are just cruel like that. However, their plan is always successful, almost as if they embedded forgetfulness into our biological genes.

To know someone for so long and have them taken away is by far the most barbaric act Mother Nature can do. What is the purpose of something so protective and supportive to turn her back at a moment’s notice when her children need her the most? Allowing them to wish and wait for contact that will never happen again. A love of someone frozen in a photograph where they will remain for the rest of time. Someone so near and dear, a heart so pure. Reminders of belongings that no longer have an owner, as if every memory and year spent was just all in your head. Something this drastic will leave you wondering if those heart-warming feelings and joyous moments were made up. Feeling of reaching out to grab them and they vanish. Like a baby reaching for a toy, yet short of arm’s length.

A laugh that was contagious and a smile that could light up a room. Short white hair that showed signs of aging, but a young heart that protested otherwise. Eyes like the ocean, and soul of a giant teddy bear. A face that was kept clean shaven and smoother than a newborn’s bottom. He was about as tall as an NBA basketball player and had the stature of a linebacker. He was healthy as a horse and just as strong as an iron giant. This man was nothing short of cheerful protector. His personality was bright and guided many people in the dark. He never shied short of a moment where he could crack a joke, he was passionate and apologized for nothing. He strived to bring communities together and help those in need. To me, he was a father figure, the one everyone wishes they could have. Did not matter if he knew you or not. To have gotten to meet that man meant having a seat at his dinner table. Everyone was family, related or not.

When Mother Nature took her course, within an instant, she laid him to rest in her bed of grass. She threw the hardest curveball anyone could have seen coming, predicting the future probably would have been the only way to save him. Except for this run, points were not being scored. There were no cheers coming from the audience or referees calling out violations in the rulebook. In fact, the play that took place had everyone on their feet. Eyes were stunned and hearts were shocked at what happened when he walked into that hospital and failed to come back out. It was the moment in a game where everything pauses and time freezes for a split second, long enough for an injured player to be taken off the field and the audience to take a knee.

For a while, it seemed, he would bounce right back. He had no health issues or any in the past, however a couple days turned into a week. A week turned into a month. Just like that, the last chapter to his book had been read, pages turned an off white from the effects of time. That was it. His story had come to an end, the creator appearing short of words and out of thoughts. He was only fifty-one. Now it has been three months and two days since his vanishing act. He was a Houdini that did not manage to escape the clutches of death’s sweet kiss. A fate he did not deserve.

Now as life continues to move forward, the only thing that is left of him are memories frozen in a timeline where his fate differed from what the future offered him. His ocean eyes left squinted in a photograph that captured his life like smile. A text that remains undeleted on the device that consumes me and serves as a reminder of the last kind words that appeared on the screen. A number that now belongs to someone else. An empty, deprived feeling of a black hole that was created by the erasing of his existence. To have loved so deeply is all that I could asked. Just to relive those moments where we could exchange a hug or “I love you,” I would give anything in the world for. Just to tease him one more time or bargain a deal for the chocolates he kept hidden in his secret stash in the second bottom drawer of his desk. That is all I want, just one more chance.

Am I wrong to want more? A due over, or even just a moment or two on repeat. Would that be considered greed for my human nature? In a situation as such, where is the fine line or the fine print that defines what someone is supposed to do or say? There could have been more that I could have done, at least a final “goodbye” would have been welcomed if given the heads up.

Everything seems different now, life is just peculiar like that. I see the same building day in and day out. Walk the same path and take the same exist. The difference is that none of it seems the same. There is a certain elegance or element that was once there, that is no longer. As if the building lost a shade of color or the distance between seems longer. My surroundings stay familiar; however, they seem unfamiliar at the corresponding increment of time.

Three months and two days later, my eyes stayed glued to that screen. At any moment, a call will come through or a lighthearted text. A notification of some sort or maybe even an email confirming that you still exist. The anticipation that you will answer the phone when I call so I can be blessed to hear your voice. Perhaps it is hopeless to hope. Perhaps this is where the story ends, stuck in a state of denial where our history continues forever. Consumed by this tearful love story that ended so tragically. Consumed in the darkness that guides me, swallowed in black. Consumed in the veil that hangs between this world and the next. Consumed and engulfed. Consumed.