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Conquering Limitations

Little push from unexpected opportunities

By Jessica RossPublished 5 years ago 5 min read

Here I was, minding my own business when life threw an enormous wrench into my simple existence. I did just fine living alone in my small apartment working as a freelance coder. I hardly had to leave my place due to the great technical advancements of the 21st century. Groceries got delivered to my door along with any other possible necessity I could think of. My work is all remote as I am a freelancer in the IT industry. As an introvert with OCD, ADHD, GAD, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder, this era was made for me. The only time I ever have to leave my apartment is for my psychiatrist appointments once every 6 months. Now, of course, I’d prefer to never leave my apartment.

I dread these days. I black them out on my calendar as the dark warning they should be. Every time I leave my apartment I feel all the energy of those around me start to push into my bubble. Perhaps New York isn’t the best place to live but to move would bring a whole new string of uncertain events. My evil psychiatrist forces me out of my apartment to meet him, refusing to utilize the online video chat calls that this world offers. He says it’s good for me to leave my comfort zone from time to time. That it allows me a chance to experience more. The idiot doesn’t accept that I’m pleased as punch living in my existence as is. He insists that I must continue going out into the world once every 6 months and see him. More than insists! He makes sure I can’t go to any other provider so I have to go outside and see him for my medication. I’m sure I could find someone else but really he is a good guy and ultimately he is right despite how much I don’t want him to be. So I cautiously travel outside my bubble and tread carefully through the streets of New York the three blocks to my psychiatrists office.

My visit with my doctor was very normal and I was on my way home after an hour of his silly questions and numerous insists of me to elaborate. The end of this dark adventure was near and I would be able to return to my small, simple existence. It was right before I reached the last block of my walk home I accidentally tripped over something and tumbled into the ground. Turning around on my butt to find the item that caused my demise I see a little black leather bound book. I grab it to throw it but for some reason I get a strange urge to open it. I’m hardly ever curious or have a desire to investigate new things. As I turn the pages all I see are numbers. Are they a code, sets of coordinates? My curiosity was piqued so I packed away the book in my bag to investigate further and finished my final block home to my sanctuary.

I returned home and settled back into my beautiful, quiet existence. It was then that I recalled the book. Taking it out of my bag I began to further examine the numbers. After what appears to be 3 winning lotto numbers there is a dollar amount and a date. Some of the dates were in the past, some in the present, and some were set in the future. Obviously I had to check out if any of these were accurate so I grabbed my laptop and plopped down on my couch. After checking the recent winning numbers for several different lottery sites I found the one that showed the exact same numbers with the same winning amounts. I couldn’t believe my eyes! My excitement was piquing. I could hardly contain myself when my heart dropped into my stomach and I realized the dreaded reality. If I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity, I would have to go outside. To get those winning tickets I’d have to go to the corner store and purchase them. Slamming the book down I began to rage from one side of my apartment to the other. Contemplating how much I really wanted to take advantage of this.

I have never been so torn. Never actually wanted to leave my apartment for anything. My little shoe box, little corner of the world where I am protected. So do I leave my bubble of comfortability or do I venture out for a chance to improve my living situation. The temptation of the possibility of having more than a one room 25x20 apartment with a real kitchen and a separate bedroom was almost cruel. Yes, I love where I live. I love my own sliver of heaven that allows me to separate myself from the rest of the population. However, a new, larger slice of heaven outside of this insane city sounds delightful. It sounds almost worth the mental anguish I would be putting myself through to go back outside ahead of my scheduled outings to the psychiatrist.

For several days I went back and forth on what to do. I fantasized and constructed worse case scenarios. This opportunity was tearing me apart from the inside out! I probably would never have actually taken this gift that fate provided me. I’d ponder on the what if’s from time to time but ultimately I’d allow that book to collect dust in the darkest corner of my little apartment. That is until a new tenant moved in upstairs. I never caught what they looked like but they became my least favorite person, even beat my psychiatrist and since he makes me do the worst thing imaginable that counts for a lot! Over the next week of moving in they stomped and banged at random times day and night ruining my sleep. Then they flooded their room which leaked down to mine soaking everything. At that point my little slice of heaven became my torture chamber. I could have waited it out but then what would I do the next time? So I checked out the next winning numbers, planned out my outing to the corner store for the following day, and stayed up all night sweating over the whole thing.

The next day I got up and dressed. Ready for my outdoor excursion. I almost backed out but I knew that this one time maximum effort would provide me a new life long bubble to bask in. So I took a deep breath and held it until I got both feet out the door. The corner store was only half a block. I half jogged both ways just to get the experience over with. Grabbing my ticket was quick. Thank god! I got home and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Settling back into my safe space my muscles began to unwind. It was at this moment that I realized this ticket meant I’d be leaving this place soon and fir good. It also meant I’d be leaving my safe place to get to my new safe place. Man I wish instantaneous travel existed already.

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