Child like love, full grown!

When I first saw Barbara we were in school I be leave grade school 1st-2nd grade. I noticed her but never even thought to speak to her. Soon we moved and I went to another school. It wasn’t until Jr. High that I really saw her as a young woman. We had both grown up a lot and began to mature. I saw her long beautiful hair down to her waist and her girlish figure, along with her brown eyes that sparkled. I liked her soft voice, shyness, and the way she carried herself. I’d say hi but not much more as I didn’t know what to say. It stayed that way for a couple years.

Then as we got into High School I was going through the change, becoming a young man, I wanted to see her one on one. So I don’t remember how or perhaps I walked her home one day to learn where she lived. I began to come visit here at her home from time to time. I was very intrigued with her Witt and charm. I had felt she was too good for me as she was always so smart in school. She had never indicated in any way that she was interested in me, but my feelings were beginning to grow. This being my first real girlfriend and my feelings had me confused. I found myself wanting to touch and hold her in very loving ways. Was I in love or lust? Perhaps both but I was raised to wait until you’re married for such things as that. I continued to see her for a while then one night we were out on the lawn talking holding hands and looking at the stars. Well we both fell asleep; soon her dad came out and woke us up. He sent Barbara in the house, preceded to tell me my mother had called and wanted me home. Then in short order, he said by the way if you want to sleep with my daughter you have to get married first.

In almost sound mind and body I went home not knowing if I got her in trouble. My feelings for her was strong so I kept going back to see her. I guess Mr. Sparks knew I meant well as nothing was ever said about it. I continued to see her for a while until I began to want much more in our relationship. At that point I had to make a decision. I chose to stop seeing her but gave no explanation to her. This was my first mistake, had she known how I felt perhaps she would have told me how she felt also.

Still confused by what my body was telling me and how I was raised I didn’t keep contact with her for fear I would give in to my feelings. To compound matters worse as far as loosing contact with her, I took a test and was promoted up 1 year and then went to a trade school. Over the next 3yrs I’d see her in passing even then my heart would throb a long with butterflies in my stomach. Shortly after that I went by her house to find out she was married to a military man. Well Mr. Sparks was talking on a CB radio and having a blast, he asked me if I had one. Shortly after that I got one and he helped me get started in it. On one of my visits to his house he had some radio friends over playing Horseshoes. I was invited to join in and he showed me how to play the game. Over the years I would go by to say hi and see how they were.

In the mean time I had gotten married and had a couple children. Both in school 1s t grade and kinder garden. One day while at work on my last load for the day I got a phone call my youngest had been hit by a car. Hit and Run victim, air lifted to the hospital in Acoma. This was the beginning of a long decline in my relationship at home. As things fell apart piece by piece I saw Barbara again. She and her family had moved back to Henderson. I was too busy with life struggles to let her know what was going on and how miserable I was. I wasn’t able to greet her like I wanted to. Shortly after that I caught my wife in bed with another man we separated in 1985 divorced in 1987. I managed to see Barbara and Brad in their home in Pittman once or twice. She had two children about 5-8yrs old. I watch her raise her family for a couple years riding bicycles to and from the store. Each time my heart would jump out of my chest and I’d get butterflies.

Soon I didn’t see her anymore, I would think of her and look in passing but didn’t see or know anyone to ask about her accept her parents. I wouldn’t do that as she was married. In 1990 I married again and soon moved to Colorado to take care of ailing parents after being laid off my job in 2006, being a owned operator I could spend time doing odd jobs and stay home to. All seemed to be going well until 2008 when Enron happened. I had to give up my truck, I lost my retirement, and my two high school friends passed away then his wife. Shortly after that my dad passed then 6 mos. Later my mom. I’m thinking it can’t get worse.

I was wrong it did, my wife got cancer. After her surgery and she was cleared of anymore she gave 4hr notice she was leaving to go live her life however long it may be. That day I left for Fort Worth for training for Fed Ex Freight. I had nothing to come home to until my son got in trouble and needed a place to stay. As I lived in NM working and paying for a home in CO I would go home every other weekend to be with him. That didn’t last long as he violated parole stole my pickup truck and ran away. Not long after that my dad’s neighbor whom I had gotten very close to knew he had prostate cancer but refused treatment so he could take care of his wife w/Alzheimer came down with pancreatic cancer and was gone in 2 mos.

On my way to work one morning I became totally lost confused and broke down crying, I called my sister who worked Security at the college to come get me. I ended up in the hospital for evaluation. Found out I was Bipolar and needed medications. While at home adjusting to the medication before driving again, I was on Face Book. A friend from school who was adopted his last name was Sparks, as I went through his friends list, and there she was. My lost long love is her from long ago, Barbara Jo Sparks Anderson. OMG my heart jumped right out of my chest as I clicked her picture.

As I sent a friend request I could feel the butterflies again. The excitement came rushing over me, would I be able to see her again? A thousand thoughts ran through my mind in only seconds. How is she? Will she remember me, and so on? As I tried to not be over excited I had to wait until the next day to see if she responded to me. I dreamed of the fondness I once had for her all night, I thought of her all day at work. I raced home as fast as I could to check my computer. YES she did finally after all these years. I wasted no time looking at her page to see how she had been. I saw pictures of her kids now grown, and 2 more I didn’t know of, then she was back in Vegas, YES oh YES. I still have children there; I had been trying to move closer already. Soon she got off of work and texted me.

After several days of talking I found out she was single as was I, married but separated. I wasn’t looking to get tangled up again but the more we talked the more I remembered how I felt about her. As we spoke we talked of the changes in our lives and how we changed. I told her of the way she used to be and how I cherished those memories. Then we got Skype and could see one another face to face. Me being a person born in Oct I have this séance of right and wrong already, but having a 6th séance makes it supper easy to read someone. One look at her face and I could feel her pain. As we spoke it became clear she needed to hear how I felt all these years. I still loved her as I always did, and she needed to hear it from me. I also told her why I stopped coming over; it wasn’t because I didn’t like her. It was to protect her from me, and my hormones. I didn’t want to hurt her like that. Even though I loved her back then I wasn’t sure what it was; now I am.

In opening up to her we both began to fall in love again. Me I wanted that old version back, the one who was witty, smart ass, tomboy, practical joker. My observation of her over the years was, she was ignored, taken advantage of and used by others. I know who and what she was before all this, I also knew her family. By treating her as an equal and giving her my love I now have that beautiful woman back. I hold her at night, buy her flowers, and gifts all the things I couldn’t do before. I have several years left in my life and determined to spend them all with her.

I gaze into her eyes , tell her everyday how much I love her, sing her songs, hold her hand ,take her to dinner, watch movies, help with the chores. I share my life with her everyday be it work or play. She has given me song in my heart, joy in my life. She is so deserving of the same thing, the joys of really being loved, not just told but shown. It shows in everything we do, love never felt so good.

I love you Barbara JO

My Indian Princes

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