Chalklines and Crossroads

Tracing the lines between purpose and passion.

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If I could chart my life as a map, it would be done with chalk--with some parts erased, rewritten, and finally, merged as one.

I have chartered the mental highway that connects its different parts-some with clarity, others in brain fog that' refuses to clear.

Each line I draw is jagged. Unclear. It smudges, the ink making the words on the map difficult to read.

Through the smudged ink, chalkdust and jagged lines, I move forward, seeking a self-and drawing that is complete.

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A teacher's map is one that I've always wanted to charter--my mum, being a teacher, has drawn one of her own.

I drew mine with some difficulty because the chalk flaked at many points.

Flaky chalk defined the starting point of my map. I had wanted to chart a legal map--to travel along life's road as a successful litigator.

Then---

My brain received two unwanted visitors-pituitary brain tumours

Introspection and altruism held the chalk--and drew for me.

Charting the Teacher's map, with the noble goal of shaping lives--became, literally and metaphorically, a more attractive draw.

So it was that I reached the first destinations along my map as a teacher---the National Institute of Education and the Nanyang Technological University.

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The road I drew--then travelled on--was not without its bumps and resulting bruises

My next stop on the road was at an all-girl's convent teaching seven-year-old mademoiselles(the school has a French history).

The bump along the road? They didn't behave like mademoiselles.

They did as little girls would do--they constantly chattered.

Like raucous boys would, they messed up the classroom--every day.

But they also called me "mummy".

Then--I knew that the Teacher's Map would lead to a Treasure Chest.

I travelled along the map to secondary schools.

The next stop was one in the North of Singapore, where I realised that teaching wasn't just about classroom lesson delivery--it was life lesson delivery.

Part of the map was drawing FOR the students--shaping their confidence as musicians, serving as their lead singer at school rock concert performances, and boosting their linguistic capabilities via English and Literature.

More shaping--and chartering.

This time I drew my map--and maps for other teachers--as an English and Literature subject coordinator.

Some maps were tasks to draw--when conjugating a grammatical sentence was difficult.

When a student wrote a full, five-page essay with a single--just one--period, or full stop, at the end.

When I had to help an abusive student navigate his relationship with his mother.

When some students smoked in class, in full view.

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But the teaching map wasn't the only one I was to charter.

The writing map cried out to this teacher to draw as well.

I had chartered the map to a crossroads.

The teaching map would trace a route of stability, structure and control.

But not satisfaction--

Of creation. Of being in control of one's voice.

The writing map held that satisfaction.

But not structure or stability.

But I realised that I didn't have to make that choice--

I drew both.

One map chartered the other.

Their efforts produced the map of a creative writing teacher.

One who got students to produce storyboards.

Who also got students to draw their maps after sitting for the O level examinations.

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The maps are still being drawn.

Each is hard to chart or follow on its own..

But both have to work together-

For financial security.

Personal satisfaction.

For the arrival of a whole soul at its destination.

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Original Map of the Self memoir by Michelle Liew Tsui-Lin. Any AI tags are conincidental

For Vocal's Map of the Self Challenge