Can We Be Friends With Our Exes? A Yay or a No Go?

Let’s be honest. Friendships with exes are rarely straightforward. One day you’re sending memes about your breakup to your group chat, and the next you’re getting a random DM from his new girlfriend.

“Hey, just curious… was he protective with you too?”

Excuse me?

That moment right there, when your ex’s new partner turns you into an unofficial historian of their emotional development, is as awkward as it gets.

Suddenly, you're the past relationship guru, expected to hand over a full report. Did he give you attention? Was he kind? How did he treat you when you were upset?

There are even articles floating around titled “How To Get Your Ex Back PERMANENTLY.” Yes, permanently. As if love is a subscription plan that just needs to be reactivated. The whole thing would be hilarious if it wasn’t a little sad.

So, back to the question.

Can we be friends with our exes?

Technically, yes. Adults can stay friends if both sides are healed, boundaries are clear, and there are no leftover feelings. But let’s not act like that’s the norm.

In reality, staying friends with an ex often feels like standing in a room full of emotional tripwires. One wrong step and suddenly you're rehashing arguments from a hundred years ago.

I’ve had that moment of doubt, wondering if I should be completely honest with the new girlfriend. Maybe that’s what she wanted, right?

A detailed report. Full disclosure. But then I stopped and thought. Why would I open up emotional vaults just to give someone else peace of mind?

As a woman who’s grown, learned, and healed, I made the choice to close the book. Not because I’m bitter. Not because I’m hiding anything. But because there’s something sacred about leaving the past in the past.

Digging into old memories feels like searching for your favorite childhood T-shirt in your grandma’s closet. Sure, it meant something once, but now it’s faded, stretched out, and no longer fits.

Even research backs this up. A 2017 study in Personal Relationships found that people stay friends with exes for a variety of reasons including emotional security, convenience, guilt, or lingering romantic feelings.

But often, those friendships don’t benefit either party in the long run. In fact, they can create more confusion and delay true emotional closure.

And then there’s social media, the never ending highlight reel. Are you really just friends if you’re liking his gym selfies at midnight? Or commenting “You’ve always been amazing” on his new job post? Let’s not kid ourselves. That’s not friendship, that’s a soft relaunch.

Truth is, staying in contact with an ex is only healthy if it doesn’t cost your peace, your growth, or your ability to move forward. If the friendship feels forced, uncomfortable, or like emotional homework, it’s okay to say no. Closure doesn’t have to look like coffee meetups or heart to hearts. Sometimes it looks like silence, and that’s perfectly valid.

So, can we be friends with exes?

Sure. But only if it’s mutual, drama free, and doesn’t sabotage your future. Otherwise, don’t feel guilty for keeping that chapter closed.

You don’t owe anyone your emotional archives, especially not someone who’s reading your past to fix their present.

And to the girl who DMed me?

Sweetheart, enjoy your chapter. No spoilers here.

And in case you’re wondering about me?

I’ve never looked back because every time I’ve moved on, the next guy has been better than the last. Life keeps upgrading me. And I’m not about to go backwards when forward feels this good.