By A Thread

I looked on you with adoring eyes for I saw only your innocence, not foreshadowing the dark cloud lingering in the distance.

Oh darling, I know, I know you never had it easy. We both never did, but I worked hard to become a goddess, too hard to be damned by someone not worthy of all of me.

Call me dramatic- but I've never minded being center stage. Diving deep into this new ocean with you I saw hope, a future of untouchable, untainted dreams, like diamond lights. But those dreams were smashed with an old iron hammer, the day you whispered into my ears and exclaimed, unsuspectingly to my face the red-eyed demons unyielding to your existence… and your past…

And we spoke of the skeleton that haunted your memories in your waking life.

The other woman that I couldn't be.

That I could never be.

That I didn't want to be.

And the pain of looking in your eyes while you told your tale: the grand story of how you met one of your best friends, how she let you climb inside of her while she ate your innards and 'shared' your bed.

How you watched her life blossom for she was a tainted black rose,

How she used you draining you of all rationality and at the full expense

How she didn't want you in the end

How she didn't like you as you were

How she owns you now even when you can't see that glimmer in your eye, but I can!

Such a childish folly, a foolish deceptive trap that has snapped you up. Pistol whipped for her.

For who she is, for what she symbolizes, for her perfectly fitting your type, for having kids, not from your loins that bring so much joy to you from afar even before you'll foster your own. For her still being by your side with obscured intentions, and for you choosing her while you're still with me…

Maybe you don't know me like you think…

I never feared losing someone like you until now.

But! I refuse to be in a three-way relationship, you chasing after your phantoms out of the kindness in your heart.

In your emotional turmoil, you've been victimized. A pawn to your ghost's taunt as she asks with the bat of an eye to aid her, to finance her chaos, to never forget her, to help her always for you are the 'only' good man she's ever known, but you are mine now- or so I thought.

And I get overwhelmed completely unsure of where the pieces fall, running into the arms of oblivion, letting the voices of my chemical imbalances seep into the neatly built play pretend that I made in my mind! Oh, how beloved I believed you to be… grave mistakes though… assume the worst…

Will you fall into her arms again? will she craft the perfect tale of a damsel in distress so that only you can save her? Use her children as bait?

Anxiety breathes comfortably in the base of my lungs. Will you sprint to her with puppy-loving eyes, and see me the next day only to kindly say with that light chuckle you do: "there's nothing to worry about"? Believe thee? Only a fool. In this growing complacency, a gaping vacancy stretches a void, punching holes into my chest, cutting open all old wounds, unlocking all my obscured darknesses, watching my heartstrings bend and snap.

I've fallen down the rabbit hole to hell, spiraling because I've given up on the war in my head. Questioning reason, doubting myself, distrusting you, wondering 'what if' until I turned pale and hunched over my stomach, ready to expel every venomous thought.

I am sad and you are broken, and we both lack the walls needed to keep us properly guarded.

Damaged… Damaged fickle things, we are.

Do I wait until she wraps you around her finger more tightly? How long must I linger in your past?! It's a daunting task… the waiting… But here we are, two hollowed human shells filled with the ghosts of all our past lovers, fragile cases.

We've passed one another before like ships in the night, and now when we bow our heads, noses brushing gently, you've expressed a new tale with your body.

When I request your presence, your full attention- there are no longer any questions… In my folly, caught up in a web of the past, I force myself to sprint into this now! In all the wonder of this love, you make it abundantly clear that your search for a queen is over once you look into my eyes. In your constant reassurance, you engrave your passions across my skin, your kisses burn deeply, our heartstrings are an intertwined mess.

In my damaged twilight mind, I lived in a past where my body was attacked and battered and I knew nothing but hurt. In expecting you to be another attacker I failed to love you earnestly. Yet, still in my gut, a feeling as heavy as a small stone still pressed against me… we've been walking thin! Unstable, an uncharted exploration demanding affection, not affliction.

By a thread, we hang on to our demons.

By a thread, the veil of trust dwindles.

By a thread, we decide to stay.

By a thread, lifelines extent, the gap of loneliness in our lives filled with new laughter, new memories, new demons, new adventures.

By a thread, we no longer drown in solitude, madness, and misery. No more what-ifs, no more damage, no more aching…

Here in the magnificent now, we cut our threads…

By Nova Binx