Buying My Freedom

For the last ten years, I have been the property of the Department of Corrections, 18 months as an inmate in the Florida Correctional Institution and then as a probationer for the last eight years, five months and seven days...but who's counting?

Outside of forgetting my monthly check-in every once and a while and not being in place for a popup home visit, I have been the model probationer...you can ask any one of my eight probation officers (five just this year alone).

Today was the day that I had been waiting on since I was released from prison on April 22, 2012. I was excited to call my probation officer and ask if I could bring in a check to pay off my restitution and court cost. The total amount: $18,518.32

$16,210.08 in restitution, $1566.00 in court cost, $30 drug testing fee, and a 4% surcharge.

She said that she would check with her supervisor and call me back. An hour later I get a phone call and it began with, "I have bad news and I have bad news..." She tells me that due to the pandemic I am unable to bring in the certified funds because the bank that the city uses is closed. She also lets me know that she called the courthouse to see if I can pay the balance there-- that was also a no. The courthouse has no record that I even owe restitution, therefore they would not be able to accept and process the payment. The only other option would be for me to take 18k in cash to a MoneyGram location, however, MoneyGram only accepts $2500 a day at $30 a pop.

Buying my freedom has become much harder and more expensive than I had anticipated.

To be completely transparent, over the last eight years buying my freedom was not a huge priority for me. I was living my life as a probationer with minimum restrictions. Yes, I had to ask for permission to travel outside of the state, and yes there were surprise home visits at six o'clock in the morning and monthly check-ins. I was even subjected to a random drug test even though my crime was not drug-related (good thing drugs are not my jam). But this year, my year of 40, something changed...or I could say someone changed me. This person made me take a long look at myself and my life without even knowing it. I knew that if I wanted to move forward in life, I had to stop living in my yesterday and step into my tomorrow.

Without realizing it, I have been a help in my life's sabotage by standing still.

I have worked extremely hard over the last five months to be able to save up the money to buy my freedom and move forward. Probation has been a cloud following me around for so long and to be so close to the end is mind-blowing. What bothers me most about this journey is not the fees that I have to pay, it is not the six o'clock in the morning wake up calls or even the travel restrictions. What bothers me most is that I did not care enough about me to get on the other side of it. This has only been an uphill journey because I have made it that way.

I genuinely believe that if it had not been for that someone making me realize that I was shortchanging myself, I would not have pushed so hard. I would have made up every excuse as to why I could not or would not. I want to thank her for saving me from myself.

I know that my freedom is close. I know that my new chapter is closer, and I cannot wait to see who I become.

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