Breaking Up (With My Food Relationship)

I said something curt. My sweet, kind demeanor was overtaken by some ungodly presence. Rude would have been an understatement for my actions towards my unsuspecting boyfriend.

Without saying a word, Will got up from his seat and left, leaving the door wide open (which only made me more furious). Where was he going?! Did he seriously have the audacity to ignore me right now?! Rage continued to percolate, becoming more apparent by the second. I was left to sit with these thoughts, only accompanied by the growing sounds of footsteps. I stared at my computer trying to suppress the coup that anger started.

Before I had time to look up to see Will’s lanky body in the doorframe, a granola bar had come hurtling through the air, landing⎼bullseye⎼on my nose.

My brows furrowed, jaw clenched; my rage was palpable. Will grabbed anger by the metaphorical throat, looking at it dead in the eye with his unwavering confidence and impartial emotion and said blankly, “You’re grumpy when you don’t eat. I’m not talking to you until that entire bar is in your stomach and the wrapper’s in the trash.”

He plopped back down at his computer, returning to his task. While rolling my eyes I opened the granola bar. My eyes scanned the room trying to think of a clever retort. They landed on the alarm clock: 10:12 pm.

My jaw went slack.

It had been 14 hours since I had last put any food into my body. 14 hours?! How?! This was the fourth day in a row I had managed to go a prolonged period of time without eating. Working from home has caused me to go into a time-warping fog. I get so lost in my work⎼seven college classes worth of work⎼that I never think about sustenance, or the last time I ate, I simply push through until I finish my class assignments and finish my remote job.

The COVID-19 pandemic has caused many people to develop toxic relationships with food. For some, it’s the casual hook-up, they’ll eat when they’re bored and in need of excitement. For others it’s a clingy relationship, there isn’t a second when food isn’t attached to their hip. Then there are people like myself, who are trying to have a relationship, but are too independent; we will not text back for days and suddenly remember that we’re still dating.

Although I make light of food relationships, this is an incredibly serious topic. Just like a healthy relationship is essential for your mental wellbeing, food relationships are essential for your physical wellbeing. My relationship with food since the start of quarantine has been toxic. I’ve gone on both ends of the extreme, binge eating to fill the void and being so stressed that I deprive my body of essential nutrients. In recent months, there’s been an inundation of diet advertisements, protein shakes, and the next best supplement⎼ the typical New Year’s ad campaigns. Going down the rabbit hole of diet culture greatly impeded my process. I knew I shouldn’t rely on protein shakes or other people throwing snacks in my face after a hangry interaction, but I didn’t know the best course of action.

Finally, after finishing my granola bar, throwing away the shiny, silver wrapper (per Will's last request), I sat down next to him as tears flooded my eyes. I knew it was time for me to break up with my current relationship with food. It was time to start fresh. A new perspective for a new year. After spending a few hours talking, I finally know what I want more than anything: empowerment over my food choices. I want to wake up, eat when I’m hungry, fuel my body with healthy foods, and stop the toxic relationship with food. There will likely be a few more flying granola bars in my future, but, for the first time, I feel it's possible to make progress towards marital bliss with food.