Breaking Up is Hard To Do

You just know when the time has come to end a relationship. You can feel it, deep inside of you. It is going to hurt, even though it is your decision to end it.

There are so many reasons that a relationship fails. It’s all those little things that add up. I once compared my long-term marriage ending to the lights going out in a tower block, floor by floor.

As newlyweds, the block of 100 floors were brightly illuminated for many years. Then, one by one, the floors fell into darkness until there was just one floor remaining. The night these lights were extinguished, my marriage ended, like a candle being snuffed out. I felt empty and sad.

It took strength and courage to announce the break-up to those concerned; family and friends. My comfortable life was blown to smithereens and all those in it, including children. I knew that it would be painful and difficult but I also knew that I would suffocate if I stayed. I had no choice. I had to leave.

Back to my current relationship. It was love at first sight. I cannot deny that. The frisson of excitement that I felt was overwhelming. We didn’t go through the ‘honeymoon period’ — we didn’t need to. We dived straight in. That was two years ago.

I honestly thought it would last a lot longer than it did. I guess the tower block lights started to go out faster this time around. I felt a maelstrom of emotions spinning me with such a centrifugal force that I came tumbling down to earth with a bang and I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. A bad misjudgment.

With my two previous relationships, the decision was mine to break up. I’m not proud of that, it’s just the way that it was. I am not afraid to step into the abyss and if I am unhappy, I will take action and seek a resolution. Life is too short.

This time it wasn’t particularly difficult but I had still reached my conclusion: the relationship had to end. This lady was not for turning.

She doesn’t know yet. I need to find the right time — whenever that is. All I know is that I cannot go on like this. She must see that, surely? She can’t still think that I have feelings for her? She must have noticed my coolness towards her, the way I don’t caress her beautiful curves as lovingly as I used to, or as often.

In the past, I have tackled things head-on, but this time I’m taking the coward’s way out.

I have opted to be away the day the low-loader is scheduled to pick up my beautiful, fast, amazing sports car that I have loved unconditionally. She sits on my drive-way while I beaver away in my home office completely ignoring her.

Sometimes, I have to take her out for a drive just to keep her happy. Crazy! It saddens me deeply to say this, but I do not need her any longer and I must let her go.

I will have a tear in my eye the day she leaves.

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This story was first published on Medium, where you can find more of my work. Why not get a weekly update from my village in England by signing up to Rosy's Ramblings?

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