Book Value

Something brushes against my leg and my eyes dart open. A throbbing has resonated to my ears from the pounding in my chest and I’m afraid to move. I smell oil and dirty concrete, and through the hair across my face, I can see the undercarriage of a vehicle. Something...maybe a rock... is digging into my cheek, so I shift my jaw ever so slightly to ease the discomfort. I don’t know why I am sprawled on the ground next to a parked car, and I still don’t know what it was that brushed against me.

My body jolts in panic before I can register the sound that startles me, sending piercing pain to my head. Over the buzzing in my ear, I hear a faint sweet sound that moves closer and suddenly I am nose to nose with a cat with the most intriguing heart shaped white patch on its orange forehead. It mews again before rubbing its cheek against mine and purring loudly into my ear. I lift my hand toward it and it runs away.

Still uncertain if the cat is what woke me, I lay in silence several moments longer, listening closely for any sign of life nearby. In the distance I hear a siren, but in my immediate environment, I hear only the sound of a small, discarded paper scratching along the concrete surface as the wind carries it away. I am truly alone. Alone and in pain. Cold and confused.

I press my hand down on the concrete and slowly lift myself onto my side. My back comes to rest against something flat and solid. Slowly tilting my face toward the sky, I can see the face of a brick building. Pressing the ground again, I raise myself to a sitting position, my legs under the car and my back against the brick wall. It hurts to move my head, so I shift my eyes upward and side to side, seeing that I am surrounded in tall buildings. It is either just dawn or dusk...I can’t tell for sure. I’m so confused. I don’t know where I am or how I got here.

I begin patting my clothing looking for pockets. In my coat pocket I find a small amount of change, a receipt too faded to read and a package of gum with three pieces left. I unwrap one piece and pop it into my mouth. Its minty freshness causes my saliva to flow, relieving my dry mouth. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t stay here so I slowly begin curling my legs toward me so I can shift onto my hands and knees. Then, bracing myself between the vehicle and building, I raise to my feet.

I can see now in the dim light that the vehicle is a late model dark coloured sedan. I instinctively reach for the handle…locked. I shuffle my way out from between the car and building and then rest against the hood of the car cradling my throbbing head. I need to get out of here, but I don’t know where to go. It feels unsafe where I am…in an alley along side a paid parking lot. I resolve to make my way to what looks like a main street ahead.

I feel somewhat unsteady, so I stay close to the building, bracing myself against it for support. At the end of the alley, I cross a sidewalk to a light post that I lean against for support. I’m cradling my head again, my eyes closed tight, and when I open them, I’m looking down into a nearly full trash can. The streetlight shining down reveals something that looks out of place: on top of empty food packages and papers is a pristine black leather book. I reach inside and pick it up.

The front and back cover of the book both have stitching down the centre, dividing each cover in two. The book itself is zipped shut. I see a bench about 20 feet away, so I make my way over and sit down. I run my finger along the cool metal zipper until I find the pull. Slowly, I unzip the book to reveal a handwritten title page: My Journey Home. I run my hand over the page before catching the edge and turning it. The next page has a detailed pencil drawing of a building…a pawn shop. The building is familiar to me and I lift head, in thoughtful contemplation: where have I seen this before? I am staring into nothing, lost in thought, when the view ahead comes into focus. The building is directly across the street from me. In fact, I would venture a guess that it was drawn from this very bench.

Turning the page, I come to another drawing, this one is of buildings looking gradually smaller along a street. I lift my head and slowly look from side to side. The street to my left matches my drawing so I decide to walk in that direction. Before heading off, I peek ahead at the next page…a drawing of a older woman with a warm eyes and a shawl around her head. I stare at the drawing for a moment, then close the book on my finger, saving the page. I head slowly down the street but I’m still feeling a little woozy so I stick close to the buildings, occasionally pausing against them for support.

Two blocks down, I stop at another bench to rest. Sitting down, I open the book on my lap to the page I had saved. After staring at the drawing of the woman for a moment, I turn the page to find another drawing of a building. Raising my head, my suspicions are confirmed and I find myself staring at that very building. I quickly turn the page, and sure enough, the next drawing is of the view down the street. Wasting no time, I get to my feet and begin heading in that direction, using the buildings as support, and wondering if I will come to yet another bench. Sure enough a few blocks down I come to, not one bench, but several benches in a semicircle at the centre of a small green space. Without sitting, I open the book and turn the page to a drawing of a star made up of many small shapes. I begin turning in circles, looking for the star, but I cannot see it anywhere. Feeling a little dizzy and unsteady again, I sit on one of the benches, cradling my aching head in my hands a moment before sitting back and letting out a long sigh.

I realize it is a lot less dark than when this journey began, so now I know for sure it is morning. A few cars have passed by but otherwise everything is still very quiet. It must be very early in the morning. The golden light of dawn is splayed across the grass and onto the circular cement pad in front of me, and suddenly I noticed something…artwork inlaid into the cement. I stand up to get a better view and sure enough, there it is: the star. It is made up of many tiny pieces of coloured glass. I walk over and stand in the centre. Opening the book, I turn the page and see a store front. From the centre of the star, I turn slowly in a circle until I see that very store front across the street. I make my way over and look in the window, where much to my surprise I see a display that includes a black leather book identical to the one I have found. I gasp, feeling I have made a great discovery, though I do not yet understand what it means. I am still very confused about everything.

I’m suddenly pulled from my thoughts by the sound of footsteps that stop just around the corner from where I am standing. I quietly creep over to see an older woman with a scarf over her head standing in front of the door to the store…the woman from the drawing! She reaches into a bag and pulls out a leather book like the one I have found, except it is green. Opening the book she slides her hand into a pocket just inside the cover and pulls out a key that she uses to open the door. Stepping back from the corner, I lean against the building contemplating what I’ve seen. Then I open the front cover of the black book, running my fingers along the stitching down the centre on the inside. Feeling an opening, I slip my fingers inside and discover what feels like a few dollar bills. I slide them out and am momentarily confused because the money looks a little unusual. Then I see the denomination in the corner: $1000. I have never seen a$1000 bill before…could this be real? I check the adjacent pocket and find five more $1000 dollar bills. Remembering that the back cover has the same stitching down the centre, I quickly check, and sure enough, two more pockets, each containing five $1000 dollar bills. Is this for real?

I need to find more clues, so I flip ahead to where I had left off in the book and turn the page to a drawing of a young woman. A strange feeling comes over me and I head over to the window. Looking at the reflection in the glass, I see the girl from the drawing. I stand there dumfounded, and it is just now occurring to me that I don’t know who I am. Something pulls me from my thoughts…the sound of tapping on the glass from the inside. The woman is smiling and motioning for me to come in. Surely she must know who I am, but I find myself suddenly gripped with fear. I step back and and am about to run, but my head starts pounding and extreme dizziness overcomes me. I fall into the side of the building and then to the ground. It feels like everything is spinning and I can hear someone rushing toward me.

“Dear, can you hear me?” Suddenly she is right over top of me, looking concerned and seeming to know me. “Can you get up? Let’s get you inside. You must be exhausted, being out all night.” She helps me to my feet and we make our way inside the shop, then to a little office in the back that has a sofa. Laying down on the sofa, I rest my eyes for a moment, and when I open them, I see a photo of the woman and me on the wall. Is she my grandmother?

“I’ve been so worried about you,” she says as she sets a glass of water on the table next to me. “When you didn’t come home after looking for Cupid, I came down to the shop early to see if you had ended up here.” Cupid? I flash back to the cat with heart shaped marking. “Did you find him,” she asks, “and did you manage to sell your grandfather’s stamps? We need that money today or they’re throwing us out of this place.” Realization washes over me, and I retrieve the bills from the pockets of the black book. I instinctively present her with $20 thousand without even a second thought. Her eyes well with tears, “Oh Gina, my lovely granddaughter, you’ve just saved us!” So, she IS my grandmother!

Laying back down, I wrap both hands around my head and wince in pain. “What happened to you, my dear,” she asks me.

“I…I…don’t know who I am,” I confess.

“Oh, love,” she whispers and kisses me on the forehead, “no one your age knows who they are.”