BLUE DRESS: WHY WOMEN SHOULD SUPPORT MEN

Ping! My phone lights up. I yawn and look at the screen. Robert. Strange. He never calls me so late.

“Hey Rob,” I am afraid to ask him what’s up.

“I need you for Friday night.” Robert sounds nervous.

“Well… blue or black dress? And what about…”

“Very funny. You have to host this tasting on Friday,” he cuts me halfway.

“But it’s Jonathan’s stuff, he’s already prepared.”

“Yeah, but they want you. They heard about you and they prefer you as a host.”

“Why?”

“One of the chairmen attended your champagne tasting. He says you are good. He says he has never understood so much at any tasting.”

“Write it down and read every day, especially before scribbling me a check,” I laughed. “Did you talk to Jonathan?”

“Yes. He’s pissed. But the client’s word is the last word. So…” he takes a breath, “black dress I think,” he finally relaxed.

…

Well, the dress was blue; the tasting was successful, and the check was huge. And my network is much bigger now. Not because of the dress. Because I did it like a pro. Because I draw the line high. Because I know my value. Because I am good. And because I don’t treat men as enemies who urge stealing something from me. So they can talk to me and feel comfortable.

…

I thought about this story listening to the Clubhouse conversation tonight. The room was full of men and women questioning and debating intimacy, modern masculinity, understanding between people.

“We don’t really know that we don’t know” – Noah Stolkner from Men’s Tribe said honestly, talking about men. I love his words. And I totally put my signature under them. These words work in both directions though. And the only solution to fix the situation is to find people being able to convince others that they don’t know. That’s why I support modern intelligent masculinity. That’s why I support wise men. Not because I am a ‘woman’s tribe traitor’ as I heard many times, but because a man who wants to listen and ‘to know’ can change this world much more than a fighting woman.

Wojciech Eichelberger, Polish psychologist, wrote in one of his works:

"Our mistake is that we think in stereotypes, categories excluding each other: feminine versus masculine. Every human being was born as both of them. Each woman carries a man inside herself, and a man carries a woman. If we can free ourselves from these stereotypes and develop all our human potential, we will have nothing to fight for or to compete. Every person, regardless of a gender, has the same basic needs, aspirations, fears. Every person, regardless of a gender, chooses a different way to search for happiness."

“We don’t really know that we don’t know.” Why? Because of the stereotypes. How to change them? Sitting down together and talking honestly about ourselves. What we want and don’t want, how we feel, what we think and what we are afraid of. If we can do that, this world will be the best place in all universe.

We need to listen and to support each other. We can’t do that without working together. We can’t do that organizing events only for one side, for one gender. Some women think they can change men by changing only themselves. It’s like thinking you can fix your neighbour’s pipe by cleaning your sink. I see such a situation very often in many industries. In wine business, women organize mentoring programs and events for women, instead coaching men to crush the stereotypes and really heal the working environment.

Nothing will be changed until we all understand and confess that we don’t know. Until we decide we want to know.