Beyond the "Honeymoon Phase"

I often hear people make the suggestion to “move slow” in relationships. I understand what they’re trying to say, but I don’t necessarily believe in “moving slow”.

Some relationships take months to form, like a small spark growing into an ember over time; while others move fast, like a thunderbolt crashing to the earth in one quick hit.

Neither way is right or wrong. There is beauty in both processes of discovery.

I do believe that early on in a relationship, we often romanticize who a person is. We see what we want to see. We come to concrete conclusions and make statements like “they are this" or "they don’t do that”.

We put the person we are getting to know in a narrow box without truly seeing the depth of all they are.

We all have past trauma that we carry. We have all had unique relationships or experiences that shape who we are. And if not immediately, eventually these parts of our life can emerge and take form is a new way. Which can be both scary and beautiful.

When my now fiance, Elijah, and I were getting to know one another, we faced triggers and traumas that began to show up in how we related to one another. We had long conversations trying to understand each others perspective, taking responsibility for our own ways of being in the relationship.

Each conversation we had ended with feelings of gratitude and relief; as we held space for one another, we were also holding space for ourselves. As we got to know the other person, we got to know ourselves. This is how our love grew.

That's not always the case. If the person you are getting to know isn’t “who you thought they were”, that’s okay. That isn’t the person for you.

The person for you will keep getting better as you strip away the layers. You will fall deeper in love with them as the days go by and you see more of their soul. There is never ending newness in your love, because we are always growing, always changing.

Elijah and I have said to each other, “Wow, you’re so different than when we first met”.

We mean that in the best way possible. We’re different each day! We’re more ourselves each day. We loved and met each other where we were then, and it keeps growing into where we are now.

There is no “honeymoon phase” because real life together is so much better - the messy, the raw, the vulnerable, the wounds - it’s all welcome, it’s all beautiful.

Yes, there are “honeymoon” days and moments and weeks, because relationships take work and reigniting the flame with a getaway or a romantic date night is part of the magic. But it never really ends.

True partnership is a choice. It is a commitment. And if you don’t want to make that commitment (now or ever), that’s okay too. As long as we keep growing and evolving within ourselves, we find exactly what we need in every moment.

Because alone or with someone else, it always comes back to our own healing - uncovering our inner compass that guides us home and awakens our truest self.

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Did this piece resonate? I would love to hear your experience with getting know your current or past partners. Comment below and share the love!