Beyond Sexual Intimacy

Intimacy is far more layered and complex, than simply an emotion based on the act of carnal knowledge alone. There are 4 unique layers, which are absolutely paramount to a healthy relationship between two beings. There are Spiritual, Emotional, Intellectual and Experiential levels, which have vastly more depth than simply a sexual intimacy, by far. It has taken a better part of my life to understand this concept... But, now in my latter adult life, I find that intimacy, non-sexual, is vastly more important to my well-being and feelings of connectedness. Please don’t misunderstand, I absolutely cherish sexual connection to another being! Someone that is able to stir something in my soul, someone who knows my vulnerability, savors it, but also protects and respects that part of me that I don’t readily or easily share with the World at large.

I will insert a couple of personal examples, which have developed over a few years, to illustrate my new understanding of intimacy, as I have come to understand it. I don’t fall easily, at least I don’t feel I do anymore, but I do chase (pursue?) those who I truly don’t have a chance of capturing, which can be most problematic. We all want to love and be loved, but after we acquire this, what next? I believe, for a truly connected relationship, one must pursue intimacy in more depth than simply the sexual form. I have learned so much, regarding intimacy, from a dear close same-sex friend, who is not gay like myself. He knows how deeply I feel for him, understands how vulnerable that makes me, but protects me with his deep intimacy for me in return.

He and I have connected intimately, on a non-sexual level, deeply and forever bonded in a deeply felt love for each other. I knew I was drawn from our first conversation... We immediately connected spiritually and intellectually, within our first few words spoken. Now over time, we have built a trust in one another, one where he and I are most vulnerable to each other, but where we have cultivated an absolutely safe place for us both to thrive. We have spent much time with each other, often in absolute quiet, making memories simply by experiencing each other’s space in the quiet. Our conversations stimulate our very souls, we become enamored even through the differences. We have made plans for our future together, as we grow as individuals with the support of the other... We are growing and nurturing our experiential layer of intimacy, simply by making plans to spend more time with each other in the near future. We originally met because of our mutually shared experience of working for the same company/employer.

Recently, another dear friend and I had to care for our very sick cat living with us. Again, this friend is also a heterosexual man, whom I have known for many years now, as well as being close to the rest of his family over the years. He is very comfortable living with a gay man, as he is very secure in his own sexuality. I realized how intimate we were connected during this experience of caring for, as well as having to go through the painful decision to euthanize our cat. We shared a very similar experience with a dog we had living with us for a few years only last year around this same time. The empathy, compassion and love we shared jointly with the cat and dog, we also naturally shared with each other.

It doesn’t matter whether family, relatives, friends of either sex or partners/lovers, intimacy is key to all relationships and is why all types of relationships require all to work together to grow that intimacy. Relationships, of any kind, require all participants to continually work at growing the partnership. I now strive to engage in the various levels of intimacy, with all my relationships. If we are able to connect with each other on all the different levels, our relationships are strengthened tremendously. This World could use more intimacy, on all levels, now even more than ever.