Bestfriend Break Ups

Having someone so close to you that they know everything about you , your next move , what makes you sad , happy and mad.. Then one day things change. Sometimes people are meant to leave our lives and sometimes it’s your bestfriend . I know realationship break ups hurt but breaking up with your bestie hurts way worse. You can find another partner , but another bestie ? And a solid loyal one that actually cares about you ? They are so hard to come by these days and that bond is something every girl should experience. I recently had to let go of someone I was friends with for 9 years . Towards the end a lot of weird behavior was coming from her for awhile but I tried to ignore it because she was my bestfriend and my only female bestfriend at the time that I could see in person . My other besties live far from me unfortunately. All of a sudden after she gets a boyfriend we didn’t hang out as much , when I was pregnant she didn’t wanna be around me and after I had my son she acted like I was going to be weird about her being around him . I realize now that it was her own guilty consciences that pushed me away . She knew she wouldn’t of been cool with me if it was vice versa . What put the icing on the cake is when her bf sister was talking to my boyfriend and I found out . When I told her what happened she asked her what was going on but I noticed she wasnt upset or trying to have my back . It was a huge red flag . For some reason I didn’t push the issue so fast forward to now we’re no longer friends. I couldn’t be cool with her knowing she was still cool with her . She told me because she was there during her pregnancy and helped her alot she didn’t wanna stop being friends with her basically. I thought about it and was like well I guess I should’ve been stopped being friends her because she completely ignored me during mine . She told me seeing me made her miss her step daughter she had with this girl she married and it wasn’t even her daughter and the girl was like 7 .. not even a baby . Then she told me she wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend. Just complete excuses . Somehow she ended up telling me she envied me and it really stayed with me because how long had she been feeling that way and what has she done to show it over the years and I just didn’t notice . What really pissed me off in the end was when she would bring the girl up as if I cared about her life . I told her not do that put she kept on . She would tell me her business like it made me feel better but it only made me look at her sideways . If she’s so comfortable telling me this , what is she telling her about me ? I couldn’t trust her anymore and I was tired of her coming to me only when she had issues with her babys dad. When they were okay again I didn’t hear from her as much. He was abusive and when he got angry she couldn’t even be around him and was scared of him at times . I would tell her she deserves better and tried motivating her to leave him but every time I told the truth she talked to me less because she knew I didn’t like him and hated that she was even in that situation. She knew wasn’t going to just go along with everything like it was okay . I’m not that person but everybody else around her was . They knew but she couldn’t talk to them . Somehow it got to a point where she blocked my friends for no reason and made it seem like I made it seem like they were better friends. The sad part is they never talked about her , I never made posts on social media saying that or nothing .. It was all just her guilty conscience or maybe she needed a reason to have a problem because she knew she was wrong about a lot and was being a shitty friend. It hurt after awhile but now I’m better . I’m okay with living without her . No amount of love or years will make me accept disrespect from anybody. If you can’t have my back and act like a real friend , I’m not having it . Bestfriends fall out sometimes but if they’re affecting you mentally they don’t need to be around you. The whole situation I was so depressed and during the time I had just moved in my first apartment. You’d think she’d constantly be over but she wasn’t , even though she came to the apartment complex a lot for the other girl and her boyfriend. Im honestly glad I let her go because I really felt unheard . I felt so bad like I didn’t have her anymore and I even cried about it a few times . I’m just happy to be moving on . I do hope I find a bestie I can trust and do everything with . I’m not really looking but maybe one day she’ll find me💕.