Being The Perfect Victim

In societies around the world, victims of mistreatment and abuse are often expected to be perfect.

They must never retaliate against their perpetrators. God forbid someone who’s been emotionally wounded or mentally tortured lash out: that’s not very mature and proper. Yet, they still end up condemned for weakness when they freeze.

They’re expected to run out the back door when their targeter’s true intentions become clear, but are shamed for not running when they have little to no access to the right resources. And if they do, certain people may side eye them for “losing a good thing” or mooching off aid provided to them.

Victims frequently end up pressured to forgive their abusers and harassers, even when the latter two have forever scarred them while walking away with nary a trace of impact on themselves. “It’s for your own good, not the perpetrator’s!” these people say, when the perpetrator has done nothing to earn it.

Most importantly, though, a perfect victim needs to get over it. They need to move on from their trauma as quickly as possible and not let it colour their emotions, ever. Personal time? What’s that? There’s no need for mental health breaks if one is to be as normal as possible. And if the lack of reprieve drives one to snap, that’s entirely the latter’s problem.

To be someone’s victim is frequently to have to make hard choices. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Why is it this way? There are many potential factors.

Perhaps it’s because people don’t want to believe the world could be so cruel. We humans can’t afford to be scared all the time. It is often easier to believe that bad things only really happen to bad people and idiots.

Maybe it’s due to several of us being awed or conversely, terrified of perpetrators, so we try to find excuses to let their actions slide. Doing so might protect those of us who would likely be out of their ways no matter what, but it does little to help the vulnerable.

Heck, perhaps it’s just hard to care at times. There are so many bad situations happening on Earth every day. A person’s emotional handling capacity can only go to a certain extent. Instead of using basic morals when that is stretched by a victim’s duress, some people resort to apathy or even antipathy.

Are these near-impossible ideals good standards to hold victims to? Of course not. In a perfect world, we would try to treat victims of abuse and trauma with the compassion and dignity they deserve. We’d treat them as, well, people - flaws and all.

Sure, victims do have to be held to certain principles. They are still human, which means they’re as capable of mistreating another person as anyone else. Personal accountability can and should exist.

However, is it really right to expect victims to be perfect? To never have time on their own to calm down or conversely, need support? Must they always be in the right mood to do whatever society expects of them right away?

I think not. We all have our wounds, but some are a lot bigger than others. They need space to heal. The expectation of complete and utter perfection is going to do the exact opposite of that.

This isn’t to say one must forgive someone who repeatedly and/or maliciously hurt them just because they were hurt before. Indeed, the target in that situation would absolutely be a victim in their own right.

What it does mean is that anger isn’t always personal. Sometimes, things can be worked out via communication if attacks on one’s character aren’t involved. That way, we can all heal and grow.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

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