Being Alone and Being Lonely Aren't the Same Thing

Growing up, my best friend was a book.

I'm being totally candid when I tell you that I almost always had a paperback in one of my back pockets. When I found some downtime, I'd pull it out and read. When there was some alone time, yep, I'd read.

Whenever I cracked a cover, I'd find myself transported by words.

To some folks, I was a loner. And I suppose they wouldn't be too far off the mark. But to others, I came off not as a loner but as lonely. One person even said I might have coping issues and probably couldn't make friends.

But they couldn't be further from the truth.

The truth is they made assumptions based on their life experiences and tried to fit me into their warped little boxes.

You see, being alone and being lonely are dramatically different things. And I was never either. I had plenty of real-life friends. I just preferred the paper ones.

I dunno if this resonates with you, or maybe you know someone like this, but people who relish alone time are all around us.

If you ask a super busy single dad who is a father of three, there's probably not much he wouldn't give for some alone time. Parenthood often shifts how much independence we have. It deprives us of the solitude that is an essential part of self-care. Spending time alone helps us do a few things.

Things like...

• Recalibrate emotions
• Contemplate thoughts and ideas
• Replenish & recharge our energy
• Better understand ourselves

Alone time is often a scarce commodity for parents of littles, but for others, being alone is something they fear. The idea of being alone can trigger negative thinking.

Thoughts in or about...

• Abandonment
• Isolation
• Boredom
• Depression

Having too much or too little time alone can indeed cause a dip in your mental health. People who crave solitude risk becoming anxious, angry, and depressed. People who avoid being alone, especially extroverts, fear they may become lonely if they spend too much time with themselves.

The thing is, being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing.

Alone and lonely aren't the same

Being alone is a state of being.

Let that sit for a second or two.

Being alone and unhappy or sad about it is loneliness.

When you are alone, you can fill the experience with various activities that shift your thoughts from bored, sad, or even depressed to something positive, like with me and my books. Even extroverts, who get their energy from being around others, benefit from being alone sometimes.

Yep. Even the talkers and doers in life need some time to recharge and recuperate.

You can be lonely in a crowd

Solitude is a positive thing, and being ok spending time with yourself is a powerful tool.

People who enjoy time to themselves and benefit from their solitude tend to have higher esteem, fewer episodes of depression, and know themselves better. Having time for introspection is a highly underrated thing. In fact, being unable or unwilling to get time alone can lead to various issues.

Some of these issues are things like...

Not knowing your personal preferences and convictions

Being influenced by other people's morals and values

Missing out on fun activities you enjoy

Feeling unsatisfied or not fulfilled

In a way, it's possible to feel lonely in a crowd if you aren't doing the things you love or getting time to yourself to discover who you truly are and what matters most.

Though you may be surrounded by people, you may feel alone. Healthy solitude can help you develop a love for being alone without feeling lonely.

The final word

I hope this article has helped you better understand the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

For some, solitude is a cherished state they wouldn't trade for anything in the world. For others, loneliness can be all-consuming and debilitating. Finding a healthy balance of both is essential so you can feel fulfilled and content. If you're someone who struggles with being alone, I hope you can find ways to enjoy your own company and learn to love yourself.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Well, me and my book, that is.

Solitude can be a great thing. Join my email list with 1,000's of others who love some "alone time" and for more freelancing insights.