Becoming Together

I woke up suddenly, sweating, and with a strong feeling of anticipation. “This dream again?”, I thought as I sat up in my bed. Looking at my clock, it was three o’clock in the morning. My alarm was going to go off at six and I wanted those three hours of sleep, but instead, I got up and started pacing around my bedroom.

I could see her as clear as if she was standing in front of me. I could feel her breath on my cheek, her long soft hair hanging down her back as I wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her arms wrap around me. I could smell her. In the other dreams, I could taste her when we would kiss.

I’d been having this same recurring dream for four weeks straight, almost every night. On the nights I didn’t have the dream, I felt alone and cold and a deep yearning for this woman to be next me. With each dream, she became a little clearer, a little more tangible, the dreams were getting much more detailed.

When the dreams started, there was a faint sense of a woman there. That sense was comforting and familiar to me and I didn’t want to leave the dream. As they continued, the details began to come into focus. Little by little, I ended up with the dream and feelings that I had now with crystal clear clarity and detail of her, how she made me feel, how I made her feel, what we did together, everyday normal things. It was amazing how real the dreams were getting. When I would lay down in bed each night, I could literally feel her laying next to me. I could feel her curl up into the curves of my arms and body. I could hear her slow and steady breathing as she slept. I could feel myself curl into her and we slept as one.

Realizing I wasn’t going back to sleep, I walked down to my kitchen, opened the refrigerator and drank directly from the orange juice jug.

“She wouldn’t want me drinking straight from the jug. She would laugh at me calling me a bachelor.”, I said out loud, as if there was someone there listening. There wasn’t. I lived alone, in a house made for a large family. I don’t even have pets. My children are grown living their own successful lives, and I’m grateful for that. My ex-wife remarried years ago, thank God, and this house is mine and what’s left of a past life. But it does make for lonely nights and these dreams of this unnamed woman made me realize how lonely I truly was.

I had everything I could ever need. Well, almost everything. I own several successful businesses, have a great group of friends and a beautiful family. I can do what I want, when I want and I do. There was just one thing missing. Her. My partner, my lover, my best friend and companion in life. Someone to grow old with.

“Jesus, man. What are you going to do next? Write a drug store romance novel?”

I went outside to the back patio that looked out over the Pacific Ocean. Listening to the waves, still holding the orange juice jug in one hand, I thought to myself, “She’s real. These aren’t just dreams. She’s out there somewhere. I can feel it”. I put my other hand over my heart and closed my eyes. She came, instantly, into view.

“I wonder what her name is.”, I said with my eyes still closed.

I sat down on a lounger, continuing to sip from the jug, visualizing her sitting on the lounger next to me, passing the jug back and forth between us. Bliss is all I felt then and it felt wonderful.

I don’t know how long I sat there, but I ended up dozing off to sleep and dropped right back into the dream I woke from earlier.

We were walking down a busy city street, hand in hand. She was stunningly beautiful. Long dark hair, green eyes that sparkled every time she smiled, and that smile. God that smile. It could replace the sun. Her hands were small and soft, almost disappearing into mine, and held onto my hand with a firmness that said, “nothing will make me let go”. We passed some street vendors and a table of books got her attention. She went to look through the books when the vendor approached her, like so many people often did, and started a conversation about the books she was browsing. As always, this incredible woman made friends where ever she went. When she laughed, it lit up all the people around her. She was infectious and she was mine. I was hers. She said her farewells to the vendor, took my hand and we continued to walk. A breeze was blowing her hair, when she turned and looked up at me and said, “I love you.”, and then I woke again.

I was surprised to find myself outside on the patio on the lounger. In my sleep, I dropped the orange juice and the jug was laying in a puddle.

“Well, shit. Another thing she would think was funny!”

I went into the kitchen to get something to clean up the mess. I could still feel her presence. Even though, under normal circumstances, I would have brushed this off as my imagination running away with me, there was something about these dreams and feelings that seemed too real. I wanted to tell someone about the dreams, but I wasn’t sure who I could talk to about this. Both of my parents are long since passed away, my mates wouldn’t take me seriously and my son is just like me, too wrapped up in his career to care. Maybe my daughter?

“I don’t know. I don’t want her to think her Pop is going mad.”

I got a roll of paper towels and some water and headed back out to the patio to clean up the spilled orange juice. When I came back in, I looked at the clock and it was eight o’clock.

“Fuck!”, I was late for a board meeting. I ran upstairs, jumped in the shower, performed the rest of my grooming ritual, put on a suit and rushed to my front door. My driver was standing there, waiting, holding my briefcase.

“Didn’t get much sleep last night again, sir?”, he asked as I was still trying to fasten my cuff links.

“No, I didn’t. Where’s my phone and watch?”

“Right here, sir.”, he pointed to the sideboard table where they were neatly laid. I had no idea how they got there.

“Thank you. You’re a life saver.”

I got myself together and we headed to the car. My driver opened my door, I got in and we were off to the office in downtown Los Angeles.

I was less than focused during that board meeting. Truth is, I didn’t need to be there, but it made the other partners feel better when I attended. They know I have high expectations and they work hard to meet them and are eager to show off their achievements.

I found myself gazing out the giant conference room window when I heard a distant voice say, “Sir?”

I looked back to the table and all the board members were looking at me as though they were waiting for something.

“Yes?”, I said, having no idea what was said.

“What are your thoughts on our plans for the Hollywood Hills project?”

They all looked confused and a couple of them looked frustrated that I wasn’t paying attention to anything they were saying.

Glancing down at the expertly made pie charts, building plans and financial reports laid out on the table in front of me, I sat up and said, “You all know I want this project done. You all know what it takes to make it happen. Come to me when it’s finished.” At that, I got up from the table and walked out of the conference room leaving behind a dozen businessmen with their mouths hanging open. As I opened the door, I glanced back and said, “Will you please join me in my office?”, to one of the men at the table.

That particular man was my closest business partner who I met in England about 20 years previous. We worked well together and over the years, became close friends.

The two of us went into my office, I went directly to the liquor cabinet and poured whiskeys for us both.

“What is going on with you? You do not seem like yourself.”, he said to me with genuine concern.

“My head is not in this game anymore. I think it’s time for you to take over and let me step back as a silent partner. I’ve got some things I need to take care of. Personal things.”, as I said this, he set his glass on the desk and leaned back in his chair.

“Personal things, eh? What kind of personal things?”

“The personal kind.”, I said more curtly than intended, but there it was. I took a long drink from my glass.

“Must be if you’re drinking like that at 10 o’clock in the morning.”, he was still looking at me with concern on his face.

“I’m okay. Everything is okay. But, truly, I have other things I need to do than babysit these chaps who need their hands held at every turn. I have better things to do right now.”, I sat down in my desk chair and sighed deeply.

“Better than a multi-million dollar development project?”, he was as ambitious as ever, which is why he was the perfect man for the job.

“Yes, better than that. I already have several lucrative projects under my belt. This one is yours now.”

“You’re serious.”, he said, now sitting straight up in his chair.

“As serious as ever, my friend. What do you say? Are you up for it?”

The rest of the morning, and into the afternoon, was spent working out the details of my stepping back and handing the reigns of our California endeavors over to him, drawing up paperwork and then meeting with our staff lawyers. I had to dodge multiple objections, a litany of personal questions, that I was not about to answer or explain, nay-saying, warnings, and just plain fear of change. Finally, documents were presented to me and I signed them. We toasted my friend’s new found ascension into the world of Chief Executive Officer.

He and I went to dinner that night, just the two of us, at one of my favorite restaurants in Beverly Hills. We were sat immediately, with no reservation. We ordered a bottle of wine and when the waiter walked away from our table, my friend leaned into the table, looking at me dead in the eyes and said,

“Are you going to tell me what this is all really about now?”, he was not going to let this go and I did suppose he deserved an explanation.

“I have everything most men could ever dream of. I have truck loads of money, several successful businesses, houses on three different continents, cars, private jets, social status, and beautiful women throwing themselves at me. I live like a celebrity without being a celebrity. And, yet, there is something inside of me left vacant. I need to fill that vacancy. It feels like there’s a magnet pulling me toward something. Er, someone. I can’t ignore it any longer.”

He was genuinely listening to me with the care of a trusted friend. The waiter returned with the bottle of wine and a plate of bread and oil. We sat silently as the waiter opened the bottle and poured the first glasses.

“Are you gentlemen ready to order?”, the waiter politely asked.

We ordered our entrees and then before returning to our conversation, it occurred to me that maybe this is the friend I can confide my dreams to. I hesitated and he saw that.

“What is it already? If you don’t want to tell me, fine, but there’s something you need to say.”, he knew me well.

“I’ve been having a recurring dream for the past month that keeps getting clearer, stronger. I can’t shake it and I’m not getting very much sleep. I have to figure this out before I go legitimately mad.”

“What are these dreams about?”, he asked with curiosity instead of concern. He never knew me as a dreamy sort of fellow. I’ve always been a shrewd and direct businessman, at least in the years he’s known me, showing little to no emotion.

I have a vivid imagination, which has a great deal to do with my successful life. Whenever I wanted something, I went out and got it, even if I had no idea how to. I could just “see” the way, followed it and succeeded. It was a trait of mine that was widely envied within our business community. Now, my vivid imagination was turning toward my heart and longing for my life partner, instead of business ventures. I suppose a change of seasons, of sorts.

I described my dreams to my friend and again, he genuinely listened to me. Seeing how much he cared, which put me at ease, I told him everything. All the details, the feelings, visuals and sensations within the dreams. I told him what she looks like, what she was wearing in last night’s dream, what she felt like in my arms, how she interacted with other people, how she held my hand tightly and told me she loved me. All of it. Telling someone else about all of that lifted a burden off my mind.

As I finished, our entrees arrived, along with another bottle of wine, and we ate and drank in silence for a several minutes.

“Do you remember me telling you how I met my wife?”, he asked, looking down at his plate.

“I don’t. No.”, had he told me? I don’t remember that.

“We met 30 years ago. Both of us young and attending University. We were studying completely different things. Me, finance and business. Her, art history. We never crossed paths for the first three years of University. Then, I started having this feeling that there was someone I needed to meet, but didn’t know who or why. I wasn’t having dreams, like you describe, it was just a feeling. That feeling followed me for weeks. I found myself looking around at the other students, instead of keeping my head buried in my studies. One day, I was sitting in a courtyard, with my books and notebooks spread around me on the grass. I looked up from my work and there stood in front of me the most breathtaking woman I ever did see. She asked me if she could borrow a pencil. I got so nervous and fumbled through my bag as quickly as I could to find her request and then saw her hand out of the corner of my eye, pick up one of the six pencils I had laid out on my blanket with my other stuff. She was now stooping, meeting me at eye level. I don’t know what came over me, but right then, I asked her if she’d like to have dinner with me that night. She accepted and the rest is history.”, he looked back down at his plate, picked up another fork of food and put it in his mouth, chewing slowly, still noticeably in his memory of meeting his beloved wife.

They are the only couple I had know who had such unwavering loyalty and undying love for each other, even after these several decades. I secretly envied his marriage, especially since mine was fell apart. But I did remember how they looked together and always admired it.

He finished chewing and continued, “These dreams you’re having sound like that feeling I was getting right before I met her. I could have ignore them and keep myself tunnel visioned on my studies, but I chose to acknowledge the feeling and opened my eyes, only to find her, my wife to be. Go find your dream woman, mate. The Hollywood Hills will be here when you return. IF you return, I guess.”, he smiled and went back to eating.

I didn’t say much else, other than little small talk here and there for the rest of dinner. He could see my mind was preoccupied with the events of the day and didn’t push it any further. It had been decided that he would take over the California operations and I would go in search of Her.

Search. Search where? Search how? With all the resources I had at my finger tips, I still had no idea what to do next. It was ludicrous to hire a private investigator to hunt down a woman that I had only seen in my mind’s eye. A psychic, perhaps? “Come on! Get real!”, I thought and laughed a little at myself.

Then it occurred to me. I can search my dreams.

I had never been a religious man and certainly not one of these Spiritualists, if that’s what they still call themselves, but the next thing I knew, I found myself praying.

“God, I think you’re bringing me these dreams for a reason. I humbly ask for your guidance in finding this woman, my partner, my love that is visiting me in my mind and in my heart. If there’s any message for me to succeed, please bring it to me in my dreams.”

I stood up and went to bed.

It felt like the dream began the moment I closed my eyes. I knew I wasn’t asleep yet, but there she was, lying next to me in my bed. She put her hand on my cheek and smiled. Then she curled up next to me, with my left arm under her neck and around her shoulder, her head in the hollow of my shoulder, her face nestled again my neck. I kissed the top of her head and could smell her hair, as if it had been freshly washed. I could feel her slip into sleep and then so did I.

The dream began with me standing on a balcony of a flat that wasn’t familiar to me. I could see mountains, with a little snow on their caps, leafy green Elm trees, and Evergreens. I could see a city, also. Not a big city like London or New York, but a city sky line, nonetheless. The mountain range was set behind the city. I felt someone come up from behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. Not a tap, but a laid hand on my shoulder. I turned to look and it was her, clear as day. She smiled and said softly,

“I’m so glad you’re finally here.”

I wrapped her up tightly in my arms and held her close and tight while kissing her head, her cheeks, her neck. The air felt warm and fresh with a cool breeze. There was a smell of flowers coming from somewhere. No, not flowers, herbs. We stood there holding each other, as I stroked her hair and back, looking around, when I noticed a medium sized herb garden in a rectangular plastic planter.

“I’ll give you a proper herb garden someday.”, I said to her and she looked up at me. I kissed her deeply, she received me and kissed me back with as much passion.

As the kiss ended, she pulled her head slightly away from me, just so she could look up into my face and said,

“I know. Our lives begin now, herb gardens and so much more.”

I brought back her to my chest, holding her tightly, delighting in the feel of her body next to mine, holding me just as tightly. We felt like one person. Two halves creating the whole.

I woke up holding one of my pillows like I was holding her in my dream.

“Great. Now I’m a teenage girl learning how to make out.”

At least it was daylight. I had finally slept all the way thought the night, something I hadn’t done in several weeks. I got up, went to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. With the business dealings of yesterday, I had no where to be today, feeling confident the new CEO of my company was going to handle the affairs swimmingly. I watched the coffee brew with a sense of relief and freedom.

I took my cup out to the patio and sat at a table, watching and listening to the ocean in front of me.

“There was a mountain range in the dream last night! And, a city skyline.”, saying this out loud to no one. I didn’t care. I continued to talk.

“It didn’t look European, I don’t think. What American cities have a bigger city with a large mountain range behind it?”

I got up and found my phone next to my bed upstairs. By the time I got back down to the patio table, my coffee had gone cold and I threw it out over the patio railing, not bothering to get another cup. I opened the map app and started looking at the whole country.

Okay, California has mountains, but the city doesn’t look right. Nevada, no. Phoenix, Arizona? No. There was snow on the tips of the mountains. Albuquerque, New Mexico? Maybe, but the city doesn’t look right. I continued down the list. Utah, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming. None of those, either the cities or the mountains were not right.

“Wait.”, I said out loud. “Denver, Colorado.”

That was it. I googled photos of Denver and as if by some Divine intervention, the photos matched EXACTLY the city and mountains I saw in my dream.

I booked a flight, hotel and car right then and left that afternoon from LAX.

I had never been to Denver, though I had heard beautiful things about it. Sitting on the plane, I started questioning myself. What the hell was I doing? Going blindly to a city I’ve never been to, to find a woman I had never met, nor knew actually existed.

Leap of faith, is what I heard in my head. Believe.

So, I did. I believed. There was no reason not to and certainly nothing to loose in my love adventure.

We arrived at Denver International Airport just before seven in the evening. “Still time for dinner.”, I said as I stepped out into the arrivals area of the airport. I got an Uber and made my way to the rental car agency. Got into my car, pulled up the map of how to get to my hotel, which was in Downtown Denver and started my drive.

Driving west on Interstate 70 was like an image pulled out of my dream. There was the glorious mountain range, there was the city skyline, which looked exactly as it did in the dream.

I pulled into the valet of the Ritz-Carlton, handed my keys to the attendant, and a bellboy was waiting for my bags. He was surprised to see all I had was a small bag and nothing else. He took the bag and followed me to the front desk. I checked into my suite, which was on an upper floor and was ushered there by the bellboy. We went in, he confirmed the suite was to my liking, I tipped him and he left. The view from the suite was of that very mountain range I had dreamed of.

Next was dinner. I was starving after not eating all day out of nerves. I considered ordering room service and then thought, no, you’re not going to find her sitting in your hotel room. I freshened up, changed my clothes and went down to the front desk for a restaurant recommendation. I was given directions to a place just a couple of blocks away and thought the walk sounded like a nice idea. I headed out the front door.

Once out onto the sidewalk, I turned in the direction of the restaurant and was immediately standing in front of her. HER. I knew her instantly. I stopped in awe and my mouth dropped open. I just stood there like a fool in total disbelief of what I was seeing. Her smile. She was smiling at me. I looked around quickly to see if there was someone else she was looking at, but there wasn’t anyone that was looking at her too. I looked back and she was still standing there, smiling.

“Hello.”, she said. Her voice rang perfect in my ears. “Excuse me.”, and she started to walk past me, but then stopped, turned and said, “You look familiar. Have we met?”

Chills ran up and down my spine. My hands went clammy, I started sweating and in my hesitance, I almost missed my chance to respond. She was looking at me curiously, started to say something and turned away, but then my voice began to work and I said,

“Not yet, but I would be honored to make your acquaintance now.”

We made our introductions which led to small talk about me being from out of town and that being my first trip to Denver.

“Your first time here? How marvelous! It’s a beautiful city, you’re going to enjoy it.”, she was so charming and naturally friendly. I was in a state of awe.

“Would you care to join me for dinner and tell me everything I need to know about Denver?”, I asked, with as steady of a voice as I could muster. For a high powered successful businessman, dealing with some of the most challenging personalities in the business world, I was terrified of her saying no and was putting in quite a bit of effort just to keep myself together.

“That sounds lovely, thank you. I know the perfect place.”

Forget about the hotel recommendation, I found her! I was overjoyed and now had to keep that together, which was easier than I thought. We talked as we walked. We talked all the way through dinner, at this wonderful little family owned Italian restaurant. I wiped marinara sauce off her cheek and she blushed. She touched my hand and electricity ran though me. After dinner, we walked a street known as The 16th Street Mall, lined with shops and pubs and music halls and all we did was pay attention to each other. It was as if we had known each other for years.

At the end of this magical and surprising evening, she said is was time for her to go home.

“I’m in town for several more days and would love to see you again. Are you free tomorrow?”, I asked, now not nervous at all.

“I’d like that.”, she said. “Tomorrow is my day off. What perfect timing. Here’s my phone number. Call me tomorrow and we’ll make a plan.” That smile of hers, and her eyes. God, I could have melted right there.

As we were parting ways, right before she got into her Uber, she turned to me and said,

“This is going to sound crazy, but I’ve seen you in dreams I’ve had over the last several weeks. Strange, right?”

“No, my dear. I’ve seen you in mine also.”

I took her hand and kissed her knuckles. The look of shock on her face went away and she reached up on her tip toes and kissed me on my cheek.

“Until tomorrow, then. Goodnight.”, she got into the car and drove away.

Back in my hotel suite, I couldn’t sleep. The whole evening was playing over and over in my head, relishing every little detail. I did end up laying down, with a huge smile spread across my face and managed to doze off.

The first thing I did when I woke up was call her. She answered, we made our plan for the day, full of her showing me little mountain towns, enjoying their “main streets”. It looked the the Wild West and I loved it. We hiked, we ate, we talked and then we kissed.

We never parted again, both of us knowing we were destined to be together.